What's Happenin'?

First off--let me apologize for my month-long absence from the blogworld. Several of my readers sent me concerned emails wondering if all was okay with me and my family. I appreciate your notes of concern and can assure everyone that things have been going fine--just extremely busy, but all in a good way. My blog-writing took a place on the back burner for a bit while my attention and time were shifted elsewhere. But, now I'm back and can fill you in on all that has been happening! These weeks have been filled with many blessings and opportunities and I can't wait to share them with you. First I need to explain an experiment I consciously conducted on myself. Since I am a believer in the Law of Attraction I felt I needed to put it to the test, particularly since I encourage my clients to do the same. If I can't show evidence that something is effective, I cannot, in good conscience, recommend something to a client that I do not believe will be helpful. So for several months I have been meditating several times per day on several powerful words. I breathe deeply and repeat my mantra while I walk the dogs, or while I run, or while I am sitting in traffic. I will share my words with you so that you can witness how they have been manifested in my life recently and perhaps you can use them in your own life or you might be inspired to create your own mantra. My mantra at this point in my life is this:

"Prosperity...Opportunity...Abundance...Health...Energy...Gratitude."

Over the past month, each one of these gifts have been offered to me. (1) Last month I was put in contact with a local psychologist who was looking to serve as a mentor to train another psychologist in the area of biofeedback. If you are not familiar with biofeedback, it is a mind-body therapy tool using electronic instruments to help a person gain awareness and control over certain responses such as skin temperature, blood pressure, and brain flow. Research shows the biofeedback is useful in treating a variety of disorders. Biofeedback teaches the client how to learn to control their mind and body and to take a more active role in maintaining their own health and stress responses. Biofeedback has always been an area of interest for me, but I have never had the time nor the opportunity to learn more about it. A colleague put me in touch with this psychologist and yesterday I had my second biofeedback session! It was an amazing process--to realize that I could change the way my body reacted to stressors simply by shifting my position, or breathing deeply, or visualizing a calming scenario. I could see the spikes change on the monitor as I experimented with slight movement or body shifts and I could hear the beeps slow down in response to my shifts. I am so excited to be able to offer this technique in the future to my clients as I see it as another tool I can teach my clients to empower themselves and to gain greater control over their health and wellness. Truly cool stuff!

(2) Several weeks ago my family and I took a quick trip back east to spend our first Thanksgiving in our little place in Cape Cod. If you are familiar with my past writings about the fondness and connection I feel for the Cape, you can appreciate just how special it was for me to be able to smell the ocean air, feed the seagulls and hunt for shells and beachglass in NOVEMBER! The coastal environment and landscape soothes my soul and nurtures me in a way that is like no other. Usually I am only able to "recharge" once a year when we spend our summer there, but this year, I was able to get a bonus recharge! The little town where we live was beautiful: there was still a bit of fall color in the trees and the light had shifted to deepen all the colors. There was a hint of coming winter in the air and crunchy leaves were everywhere! The blessings of Health and Energy were also evident since I was able to enjoy several inspiring runs along the water and walks around the neighborhood with my husband.

(3) The most recent blessings of Opportunity and Abundance arrived last week when I was able to accompany my husband to Ft. Lauderdale. To have the opportunity to walk the beach twice in three weeks at the end of the Fall was incredible! Not only were we able to get away on a mini vacation without daughter and dogs, but we were also able to connect with members of my family who live in the area and whom I hadn't seen since last December. Since most of my surviving family lives in FL and my husband's family is spread out from CA to NY, so the opportunity for family get-togethers is not frequent. Since reaching adulthood, I have never lived in the same state with any blood-family members, other than the family I created with my husband. So, to be able to spend time with my college-age niece in Hollywood and my cousin and his partner in South Beach was a fantastic bonus!

(4) Yesterday my friend Karen called me to join her on her radio program (Magic FM105.3)Monday morning since her coworker, Jay, is on vacation and she doesn't want to do the show alone! The blessing of Opportunity again! If you are up and awake at 6:30 am CST, tune in to listen to Karen and I talk about preparing for the New Year!

(5) My little inspirational piggies are flying all over the country to fill stockings for the holidays! I have received orders from California to Vermont and I am thrilled that my message of inspiration is spreading and my piggies and tees will be inspiring others achieve their dreams.

So, all in all it has been a month filled with exciting stuff--all of which I am extremely grateful! Create a positive mantra for yourself--give it a shot for 30 days and see what happens!

"Believe and act as if it were impossible to fail."
--Charles Kettering

Butterfly Lessons

Here in South Texas we are experiencing an invasion of sorts--butterflies of various kinds have been swarming, floating, alighting and flitting around town over the past couple months. In my view, this is one of the perks of living in Texas: With our warm and mild autumn, San Antonio falls directly in the path of several spectacular migration routes. It's a magical experience to be caught in the eye of a gentle tornado of butterflies. They seem to come in waves--floating in the sky nearly as high as one can see, gently billowed by the wind on their course through the neighborhood. While on my usual walk with the dogs this morning, I believe I saw five different varieties of butterfly. Although I am not an entomologist and I am sometimes unsure about the difference between a moth and a butterfly, I did recognize the much-aligned, snout-nosed butterfly and a monarch fluttering among the oak trees.

Butterflies have a limited life span, some flutter on this planet for only 20-40 days. On my dog-walk this morning, it occurred to me that the butterflies represent opportunity which comes our way at different points in our lives. Often opportunity lies dormant for months or years, coming to fruition behind the scenes or out of view until one day, it bursts forth in a blaze of showy iridescence. Sometimes we are conscious and aware of it's portent arrival on the scene, while other times we are too preoccupied with worry or habits to look up and acknowledge that which is floating right in front of our faces. Some people struggle to take advantage of an opportunity which presents itself to them, while others look in all the wrong places for their opportunity or chance to change their lives.

Some folks are unwilling to put forth energy to seize an opportunity unless it is certain to reap benefits. Remember the "butterfly effect?" This phrase refers to the idea that the flap of a butterfly's wings in, say, San Antonio, creates tiny changes in the atmosphere that ultimately may cause a storm to appear on the opposite side of the world. The flapping wing represents a small change in the initial condition of a system, which creates a chain of events leading to larger-scale events. And if the butterfly did not flap it's wings, the outcome of the larger-scale events may have been vastly different. To apply this to life, one can never be certain about the effect of karma on a particular interaction or conversation. What I find in my own life is that the greatest gifts of opportunity come when I least expect them.

Some people landscape their environment to attract butterflies into their yards. These individuals plant the right flowers and shrubs to attract the butterflies into their visual range and into their lives. In the same vein, some people do what they can to attract opportunity and abundance into their lives through their positive thinking, openness and curiosity about the world around them. If something isn't working, then they shift their approach until they receive what they need or desire--they plant the flowering shrub that will attract opportunity into their lives.

In contrast, I have spoken with people who feel that "nothing ever goes their way" in life. Upon deeper exploration, often I discover that these are the folks who approach their relationships with others and their environment with an attitude of pessimism and defeat. Their yards, so to speak, are devoid of any inviting flora in which to attract beauty and abundance into their lives. So, depending on our relationship, as a coach or as a therapist, I work with such people to help them "re-landscape" their inner thoughts which will then translate, over time, into a more welcoming garden where opportunity and joy can flourish. When you learn how to change your perspective on issues or concerns and approach problems with a different attitude, you shift your energy into a more positive place and you begin to see the results around you. When you let go of pessimism and embrace empowering thoughts and behaviors, then you open up your visual field to acknowledge and experience the beauty and opportunity around you!

So the butterfly lessons are these:
- Pick up your head, open your eyes and acknowledge and embrace the
opportunities around you. Take advantage of them because they may not
stick around for long!
- If you feel your environment is lacking, be proactive and plant what you
need in order to attract opportunity and abundance into your life.
- Don't discount the power of an interaction or conversation with another.
One "flap" of such a wing could lead to something big!

Thought for the Day: What can you do to attract some beauty and opportunity into your life through the butterfly effect? What do you need to plant in your own life to cultivate some opportunity for change?

"Just like the butterfly, I too will awaken in my own time."
~Deborah Chaskin

Home for the Hellidays--Not!

Over the next weeks families will begin to plan to migrate to each other's homes to gather in celebration of the holidays. There is so much expectation around the holidays: Everyone is supposed to be happy and jolly and all family members are supposed to love spending time together. The reality is that it can be an extremely stressful time.

I have heard the holidays referred to as the Terrible Toos: too much expectation, too many visitors and family members, and too many obligations. Stressors increase around the holidays due to many factors including: over-commercialism, family members coming together who perhaps don't get along, increased stress and fatigue. For some folks it is a difficult time due to increased feelings of depression, SAD or loss. We have shorter days and less sunshine which can affect the moods of some people. There is often the reunion syndrome stressors: From competition over who has the best job, who's dating, to who's having a baby. For folks who may not have had such a great year, there may be some embarrassment about getting together with family members.

In preparation for my appearance on the morning show this morning on Magic 105.3 FM, I wrote this little acronym to keep your holiday gathering from turning into a turkey! By following these steps you will communicate your needs with yourself and others and you will be showing up to the family gathering as an adult. You will be taking responsibility for your own actions and reactions and perhaps respond to family triggers in a different manner.

Take things in stride. Try to allow some of the stressors to slide off of you like Teflon rather than attaching to you like Velcro. Realize that the gathering is likely stressful for everyone on some level. The kids may be overexcited and tired; some family members may not travel well and may be fatigued from the airport experience. The host family may be exhausted before they even open the door to welcome the first guest because of the preparation and cooking. Acknowledge that everyone may not be showing up at the door at their shining best--cut yourself and them some slack.

Understand that the holidays will not magically repair fractured relationships nor resolve long-standing issues. Just because everyone in the Norman Rockwell paintings and in holiday movies appear to live happily ever after, does not mean that your family issues will be resolved by the end of the holiday gathering. Also the holiday gathering is not the best time to bring a long-standing issue up for resolution. It's best to choose another time where you can discuss the issue in privacy without everyone and their brother getting involved.

Remember to take care of yourself in terms of maintaining exercise, proper nutrition and sleep. When we are stressed we tend to let go of healthy habits: We don't sleep well, we overeat or over-drink and over spend--and then we kick ourselves and feel more anxious or depressed by our actions. This year, set yourself up for success by creating a plan for healthy eating and self-care. This is particularly true if you have any medical or psychological difficulties. If you are diabetic, have high blood pressure or you have been diagnosed with depression or some other psychological issue, it is especially important that you continue to be responsible for your well-being. Ignoring your health needs will only make you feel worse in the long run.

Keep things in perspective and be kind to yourself. If you are feeling stressed out by the hours or days of being held captive by relatives, then periodically remove yourself from the situation for short respites: Take a walk, go into the bathroom for some deep breathing exercises--do what you need in order to take care of yourself to regain a sense of calm. This step is also important if you are recovering from the death of a loved one or other loss such as divorce or separation. The holidays trigger memories of times spent with your loved one and can intensify feelings of loneliness and sadness. Talk with others about your feelings or seek out services from a mental health professional if you feel you are having difficulty coping with your loss.

Enjoy the experience in the here and now rather than focusing on the past or on what the gathering "should" be. Focus on what you want to get out of the experience--maybe make a plan ahead of time to spend more time playing with your nieces and nephews rather than arguing politics with your Uncle Fred. Think about the choices you can implement to make the experience a positive one for yourself.

Say "Yes" to the things you want to participate in and "No" to those that will overextend your emotions, finances or time. Set some boundaries for yourself and be clear to yourself and others about your limits.

Armed with these strategies you will be certain to fly through the holidays with less stress and tension and, who knows, you may actually find yourself looking forward to the next family gathering!

Thought for the Day: Start using this acronym this week--long before the stressors of the holidays begin. Let me know if following these guidelines helps you to enjoy your family gathering this season!

"You don't choose your family.
They are God's gift to you, as you are to them."
--Desmond Tutu

I've Got A Friend

This weekend my best friend from high school escaped the cold and wet Fall of Illinois to soak up the warm sun and sip some margaritas here in sunny San Antonio. Kathleen is my oldest friend--she would want me to point that she is not to be confused with "oldest" in terms of chronological years! We met and instantly bonded in 9th grade Home Economics class nearly 30 years ago. As 14 year olds, we learned how to create Chicken Tettrazini and Baked Alaska, the meringue topped ice cream- filled cake that defies melting if hermetically sealed before placing it in an awaiting hot oven. I remember wondering if, as an adult, I would concoct such dishes each night to amaze and astound my friends and family. I can honestly say I haven't pulled that particular rabbit out of my hat since that class.

Back in the day we were inseparable--sharing clothes, wandering the halls together, pointing out the cute boys, and decorating each other's lockers on special days. After school we religiously piled onto the overstuffed couch at her house, transfixed by the dramatic twists and turns facing the residents of Pine Valley on "All My Children" while wolfing down melted cheese sandwiches. We pored over Seventeen Magazine and could rely on the other to provide honest feedback about a new hairstyle or eye shadow experiment. After high school we went on to become roommates, sharing a series of apartments while testing our wings in the workplace. We weathered arguments over bills, groceries and boyfriends. We comforted each other over break ups. We were in each other's weddings and celebrated the births of our children. Over this past decade we have consoled each other through our parents' deaths. Now we share confidences and worries over our own parenting struggles, approaching mid-life and the life ahead of us as we grow older over the telephone and by email.

Despite the fact that we live states apart and only see each other every couple of years, she is the friend I feel closest to because she has beared witness to the evolution of my life, and I hers. She saw me in braces and headgear--I saw here emulating the Farrah Fawcett winged-look. Although I am not aware of her day-to-day activities and challenges she faces in her workplace, I feel an immediate ease and connection when I hear her voice on the other end of the line. Sharing the weekend with my friend allowed me a chance to be grateful for our ability as humans to seek out such connection and social contact with others.

I am grateful to for all of my friendships with women--those that have been time-tested as well as the new ones which are just beginning to bud. I learn so much from the relationships I share with my women friends. During pregnancy I quizzed other expectant moms about their symptoms, experiences and worries. When my daughter was young, I gleaned advice from other moms who were a few years ahead of me on the Mommy Timeline. Throughout my career as a therapist and life coach, I have sought out other women from whom I could be mentored and guided to become a better, more skilled clinician and coach. Together with my running buddies we discuss and sort through life's blips and burps as sweat drips off us while we pound out the miles.

We all know that contact with others is important but many do not realize that friendships do great things for our health. Scientists now suspect that hanging out with friends can actually counteract the stress most of us experience on a daily basis. A landmark UCLA study suggests that women respond to stress with a cascade of brain chemicals that cause us to make and maintain friendships with other women. When the hormone oxytocin is released as part of the stress response in a woman, it buffers the fight or flight response (which stress studies involving male subjects support) and encourages her to tend children and gather with other women instead. When she actually engages in this tending or befriending, studies suggest that more oxytocin is released, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect. This calming response does not occur in men, because testosterone (which men produce in high levels when they are under stress) seems to reduce the effects of oxytocin. Estrogen seems to enhance the production of oxytocin.

Social ties reduce our risk of disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and cholesterol. Friends help us live longer and better. A health study from Harvard Medical School found that the more friends women had, the less likely they were to develop physical impairments as they aged, and the more likely they were to be leading a joyful life.

So, when was the last time you bonded with your best bud? Pick up the phone for your health and the health of your friend!

Thought for the Day: Take a few minutes each day this week to connect with a neighbor, colleague or friend. Pay attention to how your body feels after you have spent some time "shooting the breeze" or sharing an event in your day. Relationships take effort--but the benefits are well worth it!

"My friends give me a sense,
not only of who I am,
but of what I truly can become." Dan Garland

Love Needs A Heart

Today my family and I are safely on the other side of a health scare. A week ago my husband was referred to a cardiologist due to an increasing number of arrythmias (erratic heart beats). After a stress test, the doc urged him to undergo a cardiac catheterization to determine if there were any blockages or narrowing of the arteries. We spent a nervous week waiting for Thursday morning to roll around, trying to keep the worries at bay and the good thoughts flowing.

Fortunately the procedure went without a hitch and my husband was given the best gift ever--word that there were no blockages nor signs of plaque. His arrythmias will now be treated with meds alone. We breathed a collective sigh of relief and celebrated the good news that night with my stepkids, future son-in-law and our daughter over some homemade posole, red chile and tortillas (at the New Mexico-bred patient's request).

Throughout Thursday evening my mind flitted back and forth to the morning's events and just how different the day could have been. The nurses and the surgeon noted the news passed on to their patients is usually not as positive as the news we received. I gave multiple silent thanks throughout the day and night (and continue to this day) that my husband was given a second chance at health....We were offered an extended warranty on our life together....I was given yet another reminder to savor each and every day and be grateful for the life we have.

We've been together for nearly 20 years and after sharing the same space for that length of time, it is easy to become complacent. I know I am guilty at times of moving through my days focused and intent on my work or other projects, and there are days when I fail to connect eye to eye and soul to soul with my husband.

Relationships are a process--they are continually shaped and redefined by time and circumstances. For a relationship to succeed, each member must provide the space for the other to grow, change, reach, aspire and become. Sometimes this can be scary and anxiety provoking. Sometimes the relationship is outgrown because one person in the relationship has matured into a different person, with different needs, goals and values than when the relationship was first born. I believe for relationships to succeed and prosper, there must be an underlying respect of and compassion for one's partner. Additionally, one must continue to be interested and encouraging of the other's self growth--gently supporting and sometimes nudging, if necessary, to keep the other moving towards life and personal expansion. In our 20- year joint venture, we have definitely had our share of growing pains, worries about the future of our relationship, and low points. However, I am blessed that despite such trials and tests, we continue to value and love one another and work to help each other grow and love life.

Our relationship would have been irretrievably altered had we been offered serious news on Thursday. That we didn't receive such news allows me breathe a sigh of relief but also makes me turn a wary eye toward the future, knowing that it is just a matter of time til one or both of us is given dire health news. The news on Thursday reminded us to savor health and our relationship and to be grateful for all that we have in our lives: attentive family, excellent health care, skilled and compassionate physicians and nursing staff, and the opportunity to continue to live our lives without medical hardship. Most of all, we recognize that we are a team, available to offer support to the other when needed, both in the good times and the rough, moving through our life together with resilience and love.

Thought for the Day: Use this writing as a wake up call for yourself. Take a look at your important relationships. What can you do this week to move closer--supporting and encouraging each other as you move through your life together? How can you express gratitude to your loved one?

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other...
but in looking outward together in the same direction."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Paint By Memory

This weekend was an industrious one for me as I decided the spare bedroom could not go another day without a fresh coat of vibrant color on it's walls. After much consideration, I finally settled on a warm pumpkiny-cinnamon color with the puzzling name of "Chivalry Copper." It's been a really long time since I undertook a painting job on my own and my aching back reminds me this morning that professional painters are worth every penny of their fee. What started out in my mind as a job that would take a few hours, quickly morphed into a three day endeavor: Day 1 was spent running back and forth to the paint store for sample colors. Day 2 was marked by taping and protecting all the woodwork, ceiling corners and doorframes, lugging and scooting furniture into the center of the room, removing pictures, nails and hooks,laying down the sheets on the floor and barricading the Danes out of the room. Day 3 involved transforming the walls from dull white to WOW!

I found the painting process meditative and with the rhythmic swoosh of the paint roller, it wasn't long before my mind took me back to my childhood. My parents were from an era where repair work around the house and yard was rarely hired out. Dad was in charge of the painting, roofing, wallpapering and every thing related to the yard. Mom's responsibilities comprised of running the household and giving my Dad orders on what she wanted done. Dad could fix just about anything--from a sewer backup to repaving a driveway to putting on a new roof. Being the only child at home, I often played Dad's apprentice during the fix-up jobs. I spent hours riding around in our pea-soup green 1967 Chevy Impala with him to Color Tile and the lumber yard collecting items to bring home for the job at hand. At the paint store, I thumbed through the "Learn to Draw" paperbacks, which promised to teach anyone how to draw horses or cars or animals, while Dad made his purchases. He bought me the one about drawing horses, and as I studied the placement of the circles, oblongs and rectangles on the way home, I thrilled to the thought that I might become a famous artist one day, as promised by the copy on the front of the booklet.

I remembered coming home on my last day as a 7th grader, summer in the air, to find my Dad repainting my room the Robin's Egg Blue I had admired on our last trip to the paint store. I quickly changed clothes and placed my little AM transistor radio in the middle of the room to keep us entertained while we painted. Over the course of the afternoon, we talked, joked, hummed and enjoyed each other's presence. Alice Cooper sang "School's Out for Summer," the windows were open and the intoxicating blend of paint, summer fast-approaching and the roses outside my window, intermingled to make a lasting, loving memory of hanging out with my Dad.

Back in the here and now, I realize that my painting project provided me the mental space to tap into some long buried memories of times with my Dad which I hadn't accessed for years. Although he's been gone for eight years, I felt his presence with me over the hours as I transformed the shade of the room. His patient lessons on how to prep for painting, how to pour paint to minimize drips, and how to coat the walls to trap the "holidays" came back to me as if he were showing me just as he had way-back-when in my bedroom in California. My mind was able to reconnect while my body went through the physical motion, in sync with the memories.

I emerged on Saturday, paint-speckled and smiling after my loving commune with my past. Now as I enter the vibrant bedroom, I see Dad there smiling and admiring the work we shared.

Thought for the Day: Is there a way you can provide yourself some mental space and time to reconnect to some loving memories that have been buried over time? Who served as a mentor or guide to you that you would like to reestablish contact with--even if only in memory?

Happy are the painters, for they shall not be lonely. Light and colour, peace and hope, will keep them company to the end of the day.
--Winston Churchill

It's My First Birthday!

Today marks the first anniversary of the birth of this blog! (Can you hear the honk of the horns, cheers from the crowd, and the blast of the whistles?) When I first began this blog 12 months ago, I had no idea whether I would burn out after a few months of writing, or if the fountain of inspiration would run dry. Would I still enjoy writing and sharing my thoughts and discoveries after 12 months of weekly journaling?

I am happy to say that I still love it and find the time I spend tapping away at my keyboard, enlightening, exciting, and energizing. It is a bit of a strange endeavor to simply post ideas and thoughts and never know if there is another person out there reading what I have to say on a particular subject (hint-hint: please drop me a line just to let me know you are out there!) I liken myself to a small, shiny space satellite, silently orbiting around the earth, sending out a message of goodwill, hoping that the message is picked up by intelligent life and that it is interpreted and incorporated to improve someone's existence. My hope is that my weekly messages serve to entertain you, provide you with a different perspective and gently encourage you to make changes to help you achieve your best life.

Looking back through the archives, I have shared with you experiences from my own life. I have given voice to the thoughts that weigh heavy on my mind. I have offered you my services as a life coach to encourage you to take some risks and create some change. You've read about my interactions with my family members, my relationship with my daughter, my adventures and experiences, and the life lessons I have learned from my dogs.

I have written about the power of mindfulness; the importance of organization in one's mind and environment; the process of recovery from grief and loss; and how to shift your attitude from one of negativity to one of openness and optimism. I have written about transitions and provided you with steps on how to navigate and accept change in your life.

I have shared with you experiences from some of my clients and how the coaching relationship encouraged them to strive and reach goals that were previously seemingly, unattainable. I have challenged you to step out of your comfort zone and embrace opportunity. I have introduced you to some of my favorite books on self-growth and optimizing one's life. Each and every week I have encouraged you to stretch a bit through my Thought for the Day questions in the hope that you will test them out and apply them to your own life situation in order to make subtle shifts in your day-to-day experience. I shared my favorite inspiring and thought-provoking quotes and song lyrics. I have asked you to move from a state of unconscious existence to one of conscious experience--choosing to acknowledge with gratitude, the abundance you experience each day. I have encouraged you to speak and interact with greater compassion--both towards yourself and towards others.

On this blog-birthday, it is my hope that you have enjoyed the past issues' topics and ideas. Take some time to go back and review some of your favorites or catch up on some of the entries you may have missed the first time around. I hope this year-old baby blog has helped you to grow this year. I hope to have made an impact on your life, even if only for the few moments you spent reading the post. Send me a birthday greeting and drop me an email letting me know how Envision Your Dreams has helped you to move forward toward the realization of your own dreams!

Thanks for reading!

Thought for the Day: Review some of the past entries and choose one to put into action for yourself this week. Create some change in your life NOW!

"May you live all the days of your life."
--Jonathan Swift

Ricky Raccoon

Yesterday I headed out the door for a run to clear my head. I was feeling in a bit of a funk and I spent the first few minutes silently grumbling about stuff that had happened during the morning. Zeebo was upset not to be accompanying me on the run, but at 93 degrees at 5:00 pm in the afternoon, it was just too hot to bring him along. My neighborhood run consists of a series of one mile loops on a blessedly shady, wooded trail. As I completed the first mile loop and began the short descent toward the now dry, Solano Creek, I was momentarily startled by a young raccoon crossing my path on his way into the woods. I have seen raccoons in the neighborhood late at night on occasion, but this was the first one I have encountered in the 10 years of running on the trail. We both stopped mid-step in our tracks and quizzically assessed each other. After about 15 seconds, the raccoon ambled off, tossing calm glances over his shoulder to keep posted on my whereabouts until he disappeared into the thick brush.

I smiled as I continued on the run and spent the next several moments replaying the encounter in my mind. I remembered reading somewhere about how we should be aware of the animals which come into our lives and what their presence might tell us. I couldn't remember the source, but I recalled it had something to do with "totems" and what the animal spirit may be trying to tell us. So what was Ricky Raccoon trying to convey as I grumbled and frowned my way through the first part of my run?

After a quick search on the internet when I returned home, I learned that I could interpret Ricky's presence as a Message Totem. According to Native American belief, message totems are unusual encounters with animals which serve as a wake up call; knocking one out of his or her usual habit or thoughts. A raccoon symbolizes transformation and curiosity. His spirit may have been asking me to let go of a situation, person or habit that was causing strife and stress. This certainly fit the bill for where my thoughts were at the onset of my run: My mind and body were ensnared by negativity. Ricky was encouraging me to let go of the situation and shift or transform my thoughts into a place of curiosity. How could I approach the situation from a self-affirming place?

In working with clients, I continually encourage them to approach problems from a place of curiosity and wonder. I ask: How could you view the situation from another perspective? What would open up if you moved out of a place of judgment and criticism? I often encourage clients to purchase and read the book "Change Your Questions, Change Your Life" and help them learn to shift out of judgment onto the track of optimism.

As I began my run, I was definitely stuck in the Judger mode unable to switch into a more positive mental state. My brief encounter with my raccoon totem was my living, breathing, message to make a mental shift toward embracing optimism and light. What an unexpected experience! The encounter not only lifted my mood for the remainder of the run but it has kept me focused on the message even today. I never know what I might experience as I step out the door on a run and I look forward in anticipation to my next message from nature!

Thought for the Day: What messages are you receiving from others that are encouraging you to shift your thinking toward a place of optimism and curiosity? What or who might be serving as your message totem this week?

Listen to all the teachers in the woods. Watch the trees, the animals and all the living things--you'll learn more from them than books." --Joe Coyhis~

Play That Funky Music

I smile a sleepy smile as I write today's post because yesterday I spent 12 hours with my teenage daughter boogeying and grooving to the awesome sounds at Austin City Limits. What a blast! My daughter received two tickets from a friend who was not interested in attending the last day of the three-day musicfest and my daughter invited me to accompany her. Okay...the invitation was likely extended because she does not yet possess a driver's license and she knew she would not be allowed to go to the concert unaccompanied. But still, I consider it a great honor that she would ask me, her mom, to go along for the fun. And fun it was! How often does a parent of a teenager get to spend twelve hours just hanging out--watching her groove and grin unabashedly, allowing the music to move her? Add to that the opportunity to grin and groove alongside her without her shooting me the exasperated "Mo-om, you're embarrassing me" look? As the American Express advertisement crows: "Priceless!"

On the 60 minute drive to Austin, I was given a crash course on the bands we would be enjoying over the course of the day and evening--some were familiar to me: Kathleen Edwards, KT Tunstall, and one of my faves, Tom Petty. Most of the 40 bands performing on Sunday were my daughter's groups: Matt Costa, G. Love and Special Sauce, Ben Harper, Matisyahu, The Stills, Sam Roberts, and Damien Marley, among others. I learned such facts as where the bands originated from, which singers were "hot," who recently released a new CD and whether said CD was worth purchasing. By the time we arrived at the festival, I even knew a few key lyrics in order to sing along if the opportunity presented itself.

So what does this have to do with life coaching? I interpret the experience as an opportunity to allow myself to be instructed by my daughter in what she enjoys, values and appreciates. Yesterday I took the backseat and allowed her to be my guide--I took in the sights and sounds of the festival from her perspective. In doing so, my ears were exposed to new sounds, and my heart and eyes were exposed to the current interests of the young woman who was once my baby. I was blessed by the opportunity to be a part of an event that was significant to her.

As parents we cart our kids around with us, exposing them to the things (sporting events, concerts, and vacation destinations) we enjoy. One of my goals as a mom who loves good music, has been to expose my daughter to some of the greats of rock and roll: She's seen among others: Dylan, Petty, Paul Simon, The Allman Brothers, various members of the Dead, Bonnie Rait, Bruce, and CS and N. In contrast, it is a none-too-common event when we allow our children to teach us something about their lives and interests. Most parents, most of the time, are in lecture mode: imparting advice and opinion onto their children. This weekend's experience was her moment to educate me on the current beats playing in her generation's ears and observe the cultural messages and mores influencing their minds. It was a pleasure to hear her impart her knowledge to me about each band we saw--her energy was evervescent and catching. I caught a glimpse of her toddler-ghost--the energetic and bubbly little girl who couldn't wait to show me the picture she drew that day in preschool. Yesterday my daughter was empowered by my openness to allow her to be the expert. My actions and behavior reinforced the message that I value her: her ideas, thoughts, interests and opinions. My hope is that this experience will add another layer in our relationship's foundation to help us weather the pending teen and young adult years.

On the drive home in the rain, she babbled about the concert until she fell asleep, exhausted and content. With a smile on my lips, I replayed the day's events in my mind's eye--the laughter and smiles we shared, swaying and dancing to the music. As I fell asleep last night, hoarse and tired from singing and dancing, my last thoughts were of my daughter; her smile beckoning, her eyes twinkling, spinning and twirling into the night.

Thought for the Day: Take some time out this week to allow yourself to be taught something by someone you love. Learn a new dance, a new song from a child--allow another to become the expert. Observe how it positively impacts your relationship!

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.
--Bob Dylan

Resilient Lives

Today is the five-year anniversary of 9/11. The newspapers, radios and tv have been saturated with recalling that awful morning when the world gasped in horror while bearing witness to the loss of thousands of lives. Movies on tv and the big screen reenact the events leading up to the imagined last hours of those people trapped in the doomed planes or in the burning buildings.

I remember talking with my clinical clients, young children, adolescents and their families, about loss and death for months following the attacks on the Twin Towers and the Pentagon. The 9/11 events served to reignite past pain and fears in those clients who had already been touched by death and violence. As a parent, I struggled to find the right words to describe the events to my then 9 year old child; I remember wanting to calm and soothe her, but not being sure, without a doubt, that life would be peaceful again. America, and the world, was jittery and jumpy for months and years following the horrific acts of that deliberate violence. Five years later, the events of the day are still in my memory, but I no longer experience the knot of fear in my belly when boarding a plane or projecting my thoughts into my children's futures.

What I have learned and observed over my professional career and have taught during these five years of recovery is this: The healthy among us possess resilient spirits. As a psychologist I have witnessed firsthand the resiliency of young clients as they recover from traumatic abuse or neglect and move on to become healthy and whole individuals. I have helped adult clients navigate the broken path of grief and loss in order to move onto the smooth road of recovery, and open themselves up to love and relationships once again.

How are they able to do this and what is resiliency? Authors on www.Resiliency.com write: "Resiliency is the ability to spring back from and successfully adapt to adversity. An increasing body of research from the fields of psychology, psychiatry, and sociology is showing that most people–including young people–can bounce back from risks, stress, crises, and trauma and experience life success. Researchers are concluding that each person has an innate capacity for resiliency, "a self-righting tendency" that operates best when people have resiliency-building conditions in their lives." These conditions are described in The Resiliency Quiz.

What I have observed in my clients' and my own life as well as what researchers are determining is that resiliency describes a cluster of strengths that are called into play when hardships or crises surface. In order to not only survive the critical event, but to master it, one must be adaptive and open to exploration. Rather than bury one's head in the sand and "pray for the best", a resilient individual seeks out connectedness to others who value him or her. A resilient individual looks around and seeks people that he could model his behavior after. A resilient individual experiences a sense of power and mastery over the situation; that is, not allowing herself to become overwhelmed and engulfed by negative emotions or fear. A resilient person takes initiative; she tries to find solutions to the problem rather than remaining passive and helpless. A person with resilience is able to gain distance and perspective from the problem and he is able to take compassionate action.

Resilience is a psychological tool that can be strengthened through nurture, attention and support. For some, learning resilience requires conscious practice. Instead of blowing up in anger over an unpleasant incident, think about responding to the situation from a place of calm perspective. If we as a population could develop the strength of resilience, I believe that we as individuals, and as members of society, would flourish because we would demonstrate the power of compassionate caring to one another. Bless you all on this memorial day.

Thought for the Day: How resilient are you? What can you do this week to enhance your capacity for resilience in the face of a crisis?

"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Labor Day Reflections

Happy Labor Day to one and all! Today is the day to reflect upon and celebrate the American and Canadian worker. This holiday is much more than BBQs, watermelon, and back to school--it was founded in the late 1880s to honor the spirit and dedication of workers, providing them a day off to spend with their families enjoying parades and speeches in their honor.

Today I have been reflecting on how many of the clients I work with struggle to find meaning in their work-life. Some of my clients are in careers or hold positions that do not spark their interest, let alone tap into their passion. Many are burnt out and disillusioned with their jobs. Some find themselves unemployed due to corporate downsizing and are stunned to discover that no loyalty was shown to them after years of service.

Sometimes clients change careers by choice or due to circumstances beyond their control. No matter the circumstances that bring a career client my way, I often start working with them with an initial goal to help them clarify and identify their interests, strengths, weaknesses and values. What are they hoping to achieve in their next job? Are they simply looking for a position to replace their former one or are they searching out a completely different career path? How well does their current job mesh with their picture of an ideal job? Perhaps their current position simply needs some "tweaking" to make it more satisfactory. Sometimes I help a client set boundaries with regard to the number of hours they work, or I help them to increase their communication skills and self-confidence in order to ask their boss for a raise.

For those clients who wish to change careers, we spend time clarifying and honing in on their interests, strengths and values in order to help them find or create a job that resonates with them and provides meaning. In a very true sense, I help them to develop their own vision and mission statement for their lives. I help my clients explore their worries and concerns and assist them in identifying what they want as a next step. A couple years ago I took a training course entitled "Transition Dynamics" designed by psychologist Carol McLelland. Carol has developed an incredible tool to help coach and client sift through and brainstorm ideas for potential careers. With weekly online exercises and journaling, as well as chapter reading from her book "Your Dream Career for Dummies," a client is able to quickly zero in on the perfect career. Carol's philosphy is that "a dream career is more than a career that allows you to use your talents and skills in a satisfying and fulfilling way. A dream career also allows you to express you you are and to live the life you want."

We all find meaning in life when we are living purposefully, expressing our values and giving something back to the community. I have assisted clients in identifying careers that provide them with meaning: one woman left her position as an investment banker to create her dream career as an event planner. A young man left his job in construction to become a real estate broker. Another woman left her corporate position to fulfill her life-long dream of working in an art museum. I am thrilled to help people explore their talents and interests and develop their passion in their work-life. Although the clients I described chose to pursue different career paths, the commonality is that their current career allows them to experience greater satisfaction in all areas of their lives, including their life at work. Since few folks have been born into unlimited wealth or have experienced the sheer luck of winning gazillions in lottery scratch-offs, don't you owe it to yourself to take time to identify YOUR dream career? If you are unhappy in your current job, take a moment to check out the Transition Dynamics website to see if it can help you determine your own shining career path.

Thought for the Day: Reflect on how well your current job matches your vision of your "ideal job." If you are feeling stuck in your career, what can you do this week to do to create some change? Does your current career allow you to express your values, talents and ideals? If not, what type of career would allow expression of the things that are most important to you?

"If a man has a talent and cannot use it, he has failed. If he has a talent and uses only half of it, he has partly failed. If he has a talent and learns somehow to use the whole of it, he has gloriously succeeded, and won a satisfaction and a triumph few men ever know." --Thomas Wolfe

Living By 10s

Earlier this week I received sad news about the deaths of two people close to members of my family. One was a mother, recently diagnosed with brain cancer, who left her young adult children and husband much too soon. The other was a kind and well-respected graduate student who drowned while heroically saving his girlfriend who had been pulled into a rip current. As I think about these deaths, my mind waffles back and forth between a certain belief that there is a reason and purpose to everything and a sadness that both lives were ended so young. Did they serve their purpose in their lives? What was their purpose?

Death is the ultimate reminder that we must live our lives authentically and with intention. To enjoy and savor each moment we have with loved ones. To breathe in the exquisite experience of simply walking on this planet. I cannot begin to know their lives and how these two individuals lived each day. My hope is that they lived their days to the fullest, with purpose--how many of us can say we do that each and every day? Personally there are days where my thoughts are consumed with lists and errands or peeves and irritations. It is at night, when I am reflecting back that I realize how minor some of the things are that I hold onto and believe are important.

Living in and enjoying the moment takes concentration and effort. So often our thoughts zoom ahead of us. In conversation we are often ahead of the person we are talking to, planning and preparing our comeback or response to whatever it is they are saying--not truly listening and being present in the conversation. Malcolm Gladwell's bestselling book "Blink" offers a perspective about the kind of thinking that happens in the blink of an eye. Decisions are made in an instant that make an impact on our future either positively or negatively, and sometimes tragically. How can we slow the process down as best we can so that we make conscious choices about the way we live our lives?

In this month's Oprah Magazine, Suzy Welch writes about her "Rule of 10-10-10" and how the implementation of this rule has helped her to solve nearly every personal and professional quandary in her life. I see her Rule as a way to stay in the present while briefly projecting oneself in the future to test out whether a particular decision is a good one. Her Rule goes like this: Each time she finds herself in a situation where there appears to be no solution, she asks herself the following three questions.

"What are the consequences of my decision in 10 minutes?
In 10 months?
In 10 years?"

Her answers help her to make the best choice and also helps her to explain her choice to those who will feel its impact. Applying these questions to your own situation will help you to clarify your values and provide you with direction as to how to honor what is most important to you. Your responses are individualized, tailored just for you, and you can see how a yes or no response may impact your relationships, professional life, health, and sense of personal fulfillment. Welch writes that this process helped her to slow her life down and make it her own. I can't agree more with her observation--we experience more joy and satisfaction when we are living our lives in an authentic, purposeful and mindful manner. Take some time today to grab ahold of the reins of your life and move toward a life of intention!

Thought for the Day: Test out the 10-10-10 Rule in your own decision-making process this week. How did it help you reach clarity about a quandary?

"Could we change our attitude, we should not only see life differently,
but life itself would come to be different." --Katherine Mansfield

The Power of the Question

It's likely you have experienced the endless curiosity of a 4 year old: "Why is the sky blue? What makes cars go? Why don't dogs have horns? Do fish drink water?" These are a few of the questions posed to me by daughter way back when. If my response to her query wasn't sufficient, she would place her hands on her hips and launch into the equally well known chorus: "But WHY?" A perk of living with a college professor is that I could punt to him when I found myself stumped and mired in a response to one of her questions. He got the questions related to science, astronomy and bodily functions; I got the rest.

I feel that curiosity about the world and our lives is something that seems to diminish the further we are from our childhood. One of the things I do as a coach is to begin to ask questions with the hope that such queries will invite my client to gain some clarity about a problem, discover new approaches to a situation or launch themselves out of procrastination or confusion and into an action stage. Coaching questions often help a client to bypass the rational responses and provide me with information about their true feelings or dreams. There are many types of questions I may ask my clients to encourage them to create a greater possibility or new perspective. Below I have listed some of the questions from a coaching book "Coactive Coaching" by Laura Whitworth(you can read my comments on this book by accessing my website and clicking on My Book Picks). These can be:

Anticipation: What might happen if you....? What if that doesn't work as planned? What is your backup plan?

Assessment: What do you think is best? How do you feel about that?

Clarification: What do you mean? Can you tell me more about that? What do you want?

Evaluation: Is this a good thing? How does this fit with your plan? What is your assessment of this situation?

The other purpose of the questioning is for me to gain a greater understanding of what my client is experiencing. I seek information in order to be able to see things as much as I can, through their eyes. Questions that help me do this are:

Example: Can you give me an example of when that happened? What did that feel like for you?

Elaboration: Can you tell me more about that? Is there more? What other ideas do you have about that?

Fun as perspective: What was fun about that? How can you make this fun? What was humorous about that situation.

For instance: If you could do it over, what would you do differently? What would you say to someone else facing this situation? If you could do anything at all, what would it be?

As a coach I am not attached to a particular path or outcome for my client--this allows me to be curious and to help my client seek out meaning and discover more about themselves. Often the questions I pose allow a client to look deeper into themselves. In my work, I get to tap into my curiosity, just like a young child. I approach my clients from a place of wonder and sincere curiosity. I need to understand their thoughts, dreams and fears in order for me to understand how I can assist them in moving forward. This is what I love about my job!

Thought for the Day: Think about a goal you would like to work towards. As an exercise this week, pose a few of the questions listed above to yourself or ask a friend or family member to ask them of you with relation to that goal.

"If you do not ask the right questions, you do not get the right answers. A question asked in the right way often points to its own answer. Asking questions is the A-B-C of diagnosis. Only the inquiring mind solves problems." --Edward Hodnett

Raring to Go Toward An Inspiring Life!

Checking in with this entry from the comforts of home. After a thankfully uneventful, but long, drive back from Cape Cod, our menagerie cruised back into San Antonio Friday evening after a four-day land-voyage. The return home each summer is always bittersweet--I experience a bit of melancholy to be leaving my friends and the beach behind in August, aware that I will not return for another nine months. At the same time I am excited and energized as I look forward to the unexpected opportunities ahead.

Each summer I spend some time thinking about what I want to focus on come September. In the past I have used the summer months in a variety of self-healing ways: to become more fit and healthy, to grieve for the loss of family members, to create a business plan and launch my Flying Pig merchandise, among other things. This year my goal is this: Besides keeping myself open to opportunity, helping others to create more fulfilling lives and attracting goodness into my own life, I will spend this year actualizing Debbie Ford's "The Right Questions." If you are unfamiliar with this remarkable book, I encourage you to check it out as it is a book that will truly change your life (I have it listed on my website Book Picks section). The author has created a list of ten surprisingly simple, but profound, questions which help one to gain awareness about how certain decisions and choices have lead to one's current state and how to make empowering and positive choices to create a more fulfilling life.

So often we move through each day, each month and each year in a robotic, unconscious manner. We often repeat behaviors that do not lead us any closer to an inspiring life or greater fulfillment. Examples of this are: talking yourself out of taking an adult education class this Fall, not pushing your plate away before you reach for the second helping, choosing to watch a mindless TV program over playing catch with your kids for 30 minutes. Every choice we make--each and every day--should be one that brings us closer to our goals and dreams, whether those goals are physical, spiritual or emotional. When we wake up from the unconscious reverie and focus on what we want in our lives and create a plan of action to move toward accomplishment and realization, we are rewarded and energized as we note our progress and accomplishment. It is only when we keep our goals in our heads, distractedly swimming about with no clear direction, that we experience the three Ds: disillusionment, discouragement and disappointment.

Question #1 from Debbie Ford's book "Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or will it keep me stuck in the past?" is the question for this month. In thinking about this question, I look at my behaviors and thoughts from a place of curiosity about whether my choices promote my vision of what I want in my life and whether my behaviors and thoughts bring me closer to the realization of my dreams. It is easy to remain frozen in the past, that is, afraid to approach a situation from a novel perspective. This is because we all experience a need for safety and predictability in our lives. Sometimes propelling oneself forward involves stepping outside your comfort zone and taking a risk. For some of my clients the fear of taking a risk keeps them anchored in a place where they are unhappy--their desire for predictability in their life outweighs their desire to realize their dreams and take a leap of faith to create change. I help my clients navigate this sometimes scary chasm and move into a place of greater fulfillment and self-confidence. Hold onto your dream, and if it is truly something you want for yourself, move yourself closer to that dream by making choices which empower rather than defeat you.

I will work to maintain a conscious awareness of the small and large choices I make over the course of the next 30 days--will you do the same in your life? Debbie Ford writes "When we're moving in the direction of our deepest desires, we feel the support of the entire universe behind us, and we are inspired by our lives." Isn't now the time to feel inspired by YOUR life?

Thought for the Day: Write down a goal you would like to accomplish within the next 30 days. As you move through the next 30 days, ask yourself the following question: "Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or will it keep me stuck in the past?" What changes will you make to keep yourself moving forward toward your inspiring future rather than frozen in your unhappy present with regard to that goal?

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow. --Langston Hughes

Bowled Over By Love
If you are a regular reader of this blog, you have shared in my life lessons taught to me by my two great danes, Zeebo and Suki. My latest lesson has been about the power of love and gratitude. Some lessons are learned easily while others require a bit of suffering and pain. Unfortunately, this lesson involved the latter. The opening chapter of my lesson began three weeks ago while on a typical evening "walk-the-dogs" stroll by the beach with my family. It was a gorgeous evening, a cool breeze blew off the water and the sun was just beginning to set for the night. The dogs were feeling frisky and a bit boisterous after being cooped up for most of the day. My husband, stepdaughter and I were recapping the day's events while crossing the parking lot of the beach. I handed Zeebo's leash off to my husband while I picked up after Suki and walked a few feet to the garbage receptacle. As I turned around, I saw the dogs were chasing and wrestling with each other while my husband struggled to maintain control. Zeebo spotted me and bounded toward me with such exuberance as if I had been away from his side for weeks rather than seconds. All 130 lbs of him leapt toward me at nearly full speed. I stepped to my left and turned sideways in an attempt to block his leap with the thought that he would miss me. Instead he "chested" me like a football player and my husband reported I was knocked down "like a bowling pin."

I remember Zeebo's joyful expression while bounding toward me, feeling the impact of his chest on my upper body, stumbling in slow motion to regain my balance, realizing that I was fast approaching the pavement with no time to change the direction of my impact and landing boom..boom..boom...knee...hand...elbow onto the blacktop. The worst part of the fall was the elbow--I felt as though my arm had been transformed into a large hand saw which someone was holding by the handle and quivering to create an awful twanging experience up and down my arm. It was one of the most painful things I have experienced--a new measuring bar to add to childbirth and root canal work. It took me several moments to regain my breath and stand up to assess the damage. After x-rays in ER, the evening ended with me in a half cast and sling to wear for a week until I could get an appointment with an orthopedist to determine if there was a break. Thankfully, there was no break and I was told to wear the sling for a few weeks til the nerve damage was mended.

So what's the lesson, you ask, other than to wear hockey gear when out walking the dogs? For me the lesson was to be grateful for the gift of mobility and health. Since the accident I have been painfully reminded about the exquisite pleasure one should acknowlege when it comes to being able to complete tasks independently, like opening a can of spaghetti sauce by myself or cutting up my own food. I have also become aware of the love of my family as they have become more helpful and solicitous as my injured "wing" heals. Once again I think about that Joan Baez lyric "Don't it always seem to go, you don't know what you've got til it's gone" and realize how I have taken my healthy and moveable parts for granted. As my body works its magic to heal my elbow, I am increasingly grateful and thankful each day for the incremental steps towards full recovery. Each morning I give a silent "thanks" as I recover a bit more mobility without pain. Today I am typing this entry with both hands, a definite improvement from the hunt and peck routine of last week! Earlier this week I spoke with a family member who experiences chronic medical issues. Joyce exudes an attitude of wonder and gratitude each day. She shared with me that she views each and every day as a second chance--the gift of life to be experienced and cherished. Life, for her, is full of opportunity and joy which she embraces with mindful attention in spite of her health problems.

Does such gratitude need to spring from pain? Perhaps sometimes it does, but my hope in sharing with you my experience is that you will take a moment to reflect and revel in all you have right now rather than your deficits or weaknesses.

Thought for the Day: Take a moment to assess your amazing and beautiful body and offer a silent prayer of gratitude.

"When a person doesn't have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity. A person can almost be defined by his or her attitude toward gratitude."
--Elie Wiesel

Be the Change and the Power of Purple

Wednesday evening I ran into a former client whom I hadn't seen in a long time. K beamed as she hugged me and began excitedly to fill me in on all that has occurred since we last spoke. K hired me last Fall to help her flesh out an idea she had for a merchandise line. During this last presidential election and the ragged, red and blue patchwork display of the not-so-United States, K envisioned a united perspective in which the red and blue states merged to become a beautiful and calming shade of purple. Rather than individuals desperately clutching to and defending specific political ideology, why not unite for peace?

For several months we worked on bringing this idea to life. By January she was feeling a bit scared and ambivalent about whether her vision would take hold in the imaginations of the general public. She was consumed with worry about whether her idea was viable and she decided to take a break from coaching to allow herself some gestational time to see what direction her idea would take her. Over the past several months I wondered how she was doing and Wednesday night I was thrilled to have the opportunity to see her again. To put it briefly, this former client o'mine has allowed herself to not only envision her dreams but she has allowed them to take flight!

K used our work together to serve as a foundation for her next steps. Rather than remain paralyzed in fear and ambivalence, she stepped up to embrace chance and opportunity. Her motto is "Be the change you wish to see in the world" and she is now walking her talk. By the, not always easy, act of opening up her mind and heart, she is beginning to attract people and opportunity into her life which will allow her to fulfill her greatest dreams. Her belief in herself and confidence in her creativity has allowed her to shift out of stifling paralysis and into a place of empowerment. She has launched her new website: www.purplestatesforpeace.com where she offers a line of merchandise related to peace and unity.

As she related her phenomenal progress, I couldn't help but be swept up by her excitement and energy as she recounted the events of the past several months. Tears sprung to my eyes as I listened to her and realized I was witnessing a new birth. She has allowed her dormant creative side to emerge, be nurtured and be given an opportunity to touch and impact others. K commented that my role as life coach was similar to that of a midwife: I gently facilitated the birth of her new life and new direction.

I smiled as I walked away from that sidewalk encounter. For the remainder of this week my heart has been singing as I replay her words in my mind. I can honestly say there is no greater high for me than to see my clients achieve their dreams. I am energized by my clients' successes and I feel privileged to accompany them on their journey toward greater fulfillment and joy.

I hope that you, too, are inspired and energized by this account. Check out her website, and share the story with your friends and family. Just imagine what you will achieve for yourself with a little bit of encouragement and support? What's your dream and are you ready to make it happen?

Thought for the Day: What is a dream of yours you would like to breathe life into? What shifts in thinking do you need to make in order to move that dream from it's current residence in your head, to making it a part of your life?

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --purplestatesforpeace.com

On the Move

To my loyal readers I offer an apology for my blog-absence. It has been a crazy month of moving. If you remember reading back in March, my husband and I took a quick trip back east during Spring break. During that visit we fell in love with a little place on a pond, took the plunge and became Cape Cod homeowners! When we arrived on the Cape in June we stayed in our usual place until we could get the new place ready. For the past several weeks I have been experiencing the unnatural lifecycle of a person on the move: sorting through, disconnecting, tossing out, packing up, relocating, unpacking, reconnecting and redistributing. Today the bedroom bureau arrives and then it will be official--we are moved in! Moved in for another month, that is. Come early August, we pack up the dogs, teenager and clothes and point the car southwest to begin the 2200 mile trek back to Texas.

What I have come to realize about myself over the past few weeks of unsettled living is that I can manage change pretty well, however, it's the limbo-life of living in two places at once that makes be a bit crazed. For the past few weeks we have been living in both places--staying the night in the new place after moving carloads of stuff over only to wake up and realize that, yes, I packed my toothpaste, but forgot my toothbrush...Yes, I remembered the dog dish but not the dog food...Brought the hair dryer but left the shampoo...and on and on. For several maddening days my husband and I played "Where Is It?" and "I Thought You Brought It."

By day four of the limbo move, I was in tears. I realize now that I was struggling with the stress of the transitional period. I was unable to control and manage the move. The process seemed overwhelming and endless. Each time I thought I was getting ahead, I would return to the old place and my eyes would alight on all that I had not completed. Now that the move is all over, the dust has settled, the boxes are emptied and I have had time to reflect back on the experience and wonder about what I could have done differently.

How would I have coached a client through this?
What did I lose sight of?
What was the lesson?

For starters, I realize that I was not a good enough coach for myself--I did not take time to deeply consider what the best steps would be both from the perspective of the actual packing as well as taking into account the psychological impact of the move on all family members. I lost sight of how such a move, even though it was a positive one, impacted my daughter as she approaches this upcoming year of transitions. Partway through this move, she tearfully explained her reluctance and told me about how the move is but one in a series of difficult transitions for her--once the school year begins she faces it in a new school, having left behind her friends and old school to investigate high school in new territory. The old cottage represented her the stable childhood summers--hanging out with friends and enjoying casual interactions with neighbors.

I believe my lesson was that the next time round this particular moving-tree, I will be sure to write out the steps in detail and involve my family members in the process of packing and talking about the process of leaving a much-loved environment. I will take the time to experience the moment--no matter how difficult--rather than crash through an unpleasant process just to get to the other side. I also choose to respond differently to the stress; I will choose to feel energized rather than overwhelmed. I will shift my thinking away from anxiety-focused worries and concerns and focus instead on all that I am accomplishing each and every hour.

So now you have the confessions of a life coach who wasn't able to sail smoothly through a difficult transition. Even better, you now have the lessons I learned after the process was over! May you arm yourself with these lessons on your next move!

Thought for the Day: What can I do to respond differently to a stressful situation this week? How can I approach the situation from a new angle in order to get different results?

"We are disturbed not by what happens to us, but, our thoughts about what happens to us." --Epicticus

Walking on the Wild Side

After a week-long trek with dogs and family in tow, I am now settled in on Cape Cod. This is the 20th summer my family has made the cross-country pilgrimage and it seems to only get better each year--each of us has our "favorites" we look forward to with anticipation during the academic year...For my daughter it is the beach and her friends, for my husband it is the clam chowder and the slower pace, for me it is the walks and runs along the water's edge. Having been land-locked for the past 11 years when we moved from the Bay Area to San Antonio, I never tire of being close to the water each and every day we are here.

Each morning offers up a new experience and opportunity. Together with the dogs, I explore the trail which runs along the water's edge--hunting for sea glass, driftwood, shells and polished stones. Yesterday was wet and gray; the water flat and dark like a sheet of obsidian rock. The cormorants huddled with the ducks on the outcropping of rocks in the water, shielding their bodies from the wet breeze. This morning, however, was a 180 degree shift--bright blue sky and sunshine greeted me as I tumbled out the front door with the happy dogs. The sun shimmered off the sparkling water and the seagulls appeared to glow in stark contrast with the blue-blue sky as they flew over in search of a morning snack. The air smelled of the fresh seaweed kicked up on the shore by the overnight waves. Each walk brings me directly in touch with the here and now--my mind opens up as my senses are awakened by the sights, sounds and smells of the morning.

Over the course of the average week, most people spend the majority of their time in hermetically-sealed buildings or office complexes; some people never see the light of day as they go to work in the dark and return home in the dark at the end of a long day squinting at a computer screen, fielding calls or calming crises. Some of my clients do not even have a window to steal a glance or two out of over the course of a day. Stepping outside into the real environment--the one with birds, trees, greenery and sound, allows us to reawaken our senses--inhaling the unfiltered air, hearing the sounds of the environment, filtering out the car noise and picking up the sound of the birds chirping in the trees. I think about my walks and runs as reentering the world of the living as compared to the sometimes stressful world we create for ourselves.

When was the last time you took a walk and opened yourself up to experience your environment? Not only will a walk around your neighborhood or a lunchtime stroll do your waistline and heart good, but it will allow your mind an opportunity to release your stress. Sometimes as I head out for my run, I am stressed by the events of the day or by an issue in my work. The first minutes of the run are spent processing the day. Once that tension is cleared, I then shift into a problem-solving mode. Often by the end of a run I have come up with a solution for a client or issue and I am re-energized, not drained by the experience. I feel the act of getting outside, allows my mind to open up to entertain different possible solutions. In shifting my environment, I shift my thinking as well.

So what do you say? Sometime this weekend how about you put on some walking shoes, sunscreen, grab a bottle of water and take a walk on the wild side? Who knows what you will discover about yourself and your neighborhood!

Thought for the Day: What can you do to carve out 15 minutes or more three times this week to get yourself outside for a walk? If it helps, think of the walk not as exercise, but as allowing your mind to open up to creativity.

If you are seeking creative ideas, go out walking.
Angels whisper to a man when he goes for a walk.
- Raymond Inmon

It's Vacation Time

Hey there blogfans--I will be taking a 2 week hiatus from writing. I am preparing for my annual trek back east for the summer and all my attention is now focused on the Joy of Packing! Have a great two weeks and tune in soon.

Twisted and Tangled

This morning's walk with the dogs offered yet another mini-course life lesson. Who knew the added perk of having two slobbery, giant-pawed, club-tailed, great danes in my life would provide me with so many opportunities to write about life and life coaching?

The dogs have come to expect a walk once I return from dropping my daughter off at school and after I have enjoyed my morning cup of Peet's coffee. It can be a bit disconcerting having two pairs of expectant, but beseeching, amber eyes watch me sip my brew. I can almost hear them saying "Hurry up already! Gulp it down, what are you waiting for?! Are you REALLY gonna finish that?!" The dogs jumped about ecstatically as I sleepily reached for the leashes and poop bags, thrilled to be embarking on the morning adventure on the trail. After we played the morning game of "Latch the Leash on the Wriggling Puppy," we tumbled out the door and charged into the bright sunshine of a promisingly scorching day in search of squirrels, birds and possibly a lazy armadillo.

The older dog, Zeebo, is a psychopath when it comes to squirrels. He watches for them and goes nuts when they chatter what appear to be insults from the tree limbs, based upon his reaction. When he becomes particularly excited by a squirrel's taunting, he sproings three feet in the air on all fours, scrabbles for the tree and attempts to climb it in hot pursuit. On some mornings, Zeebo's tongue hangs out the side of his mouth and he gets a fiercely determined squirrel-focused look in his eyes as he scans the fences and branches along our path. His obsession is so bad, that, in our household, we have to actually spell out "squirrel" or Zeebo will tear around the house to the windows looking for the offending creature who dared to step onto our lot. One evening a program on squirrels came on the TV and my husband and I watched with amusement as Zeebo leapt off the couch, poked at the TV with his nose and raced around the entertainment center trying to locate the furry interlopers.

So this morning, we were nearly done with our walk when we stumbled upon a squirrel family rift in one of the pecan trees. Four squirrels bickered, chased one another and bopped their tails, menacingly, at each other. Zeebo went bonkers. He bounced like a four-legged kangaroo toward the tree without warning and in his zeal, yanked the leash out of my hand. The leash clanged and skidded along the ground after him, retracting with a "zip" before crashing into his hindlegs. When this has happened in the past, it snapped him back to the present; he regained his self-control and offered up an apologetic look as he returned to my side. Not this morning though. As the squirrels chased each other from limb to limb and volleyed back and forth between the trees, Zeebo tried his best to keep up with them, oblivious of the leash banging his legs, heedless of my commands, and all the while, trampling Suki and entangling the two leashes together. He had "squirrel-on-the-brain" and not much was going to stop this 140 lb dog from chasing a treeful of testy squirrels. Disastrous scenes of tangled and mangled human feet and dog paws flashed before my eyes as I tried to quickly bring his attention and behavior under control. It took some doing, but after a few slo-mo minutes, I was able to restore calm and disentangle the leashes, thankfully without injury.

As we walked home, I replayed the events in my head. The scene made me think of how we humans can sometimes become obsessed and consumed with things, such as work, food or substance use, and completely lose sight of how such tunnel-vision can negatively impact our lives, health and relationships. We all know people who have made decisions based on their habits that have entrenched them deeper and deeper into difficulty. When I used to work with adolescents in the juvenile probation department, I would come across plenty of young men and women who were unable to honestly look at the negative impact of substance abuse in their lives. Even though they were meeting with me because they had been placed on probation due to their substance use, were failing in school and had poor relationships with their parents, many were unable to make the connection between their habit and how the habit negatively influenced these other areas of their lives. As a life coach I work with many men and women who are wanting to expand that tunnel-vision. They work to "put a leash" on their Type A work ethic and open their lives up to improved interpersonal relationships and better health. It's easy for us all to get caught up in the chase and lose site of how this hot pursuit impacts our lives.

The important lessons are those of awareness and balance. This means to be fully aware and conscious of our choices and their impact on our lives and those of the important people around us. I am all for moving forward toward the realization of personal and professional goals, however, what I try to teach my clients is to do so in a manner that is not crazy-making in the process. This means approaching our lives from a place of peacefuless and balance. When our physical, psychological and spiritual lives are acknowledged and nurtured, our lives are enrichened and fully enhanced. We don't become obsessed and singular in our focus. We open ourselves up to alternative approaches and interaction.

Tomorrow's walk may well entail a squirrel hunt for my linear thinking dog, but how can you, the human with the fantastically complex mind, jump out of the Type A pursuit?

Thought fot the Day: Are there habits you engage in or choices you make which are detrimental to the pursuit of a balanced life? What can you do this week to change things, ever so slightly, for yourself?

“You must have a room, or a certain hour or so a day, where you don't know what was in the newspapers that morning ... a place where you can simply experience and bring forth what you are and what you might be.” --Joseph Campbell

Graduating to the Next Phase

This time of the year the air is filled with excitement, hope, possibility and no small sense of relief! This is the month when women, men and children foray into new territory through the rite of graduation. Stores display gift ideas for the graduate, bunches of balloons sail toward the heavens upon release at commencement, car windows on the roads profess words of love and encouragement and identify the driver as a graduate of the class of 2006. Restaurants are packed as family members and friends migrate to San Antonio to celebrate and honor their loved one's passage.

Last weekend I attended a former client's college graduation and this past Friday I watched as my daughter and her friends walked the middle school stage for the last time. Although her school offers high school, many members of her class have made a choice to move to other schools for their high school experience. My daughter along with one of her friends will be attending a larger high school in the Fall. As my little girl, who is now nearly as tall as me, proudly filed into the auditorium with her classmates, I couldn't help but flash back to earlier years of rites of passage in this small auditorium/gym.

Here is where her dad and I proudly watched and silently spelled along with her as she competed in a spelling bee in 4th grade. I turn my head and see the bleachers against the wall over there where we watched her run up and down the courts during 5th grade basketball season, struggling to coordinate her running feet, hands on the bouncing the ball, while staying in the lane and defending against the looming defense. During the next season her dad and I cheered each time she made a ball over the net in volleyball. This is the room in 6th grade in which she danced with a boy for the first time. As a chaperone that night, I remember my eyes filled with tears as I watched her and her partner tenderly sway back and forth during a slow dance. This is the room where I have come for the past three years to pick up my sleepy child the morning after the end-of-the-year supervised "lock-in" where the middle-schoolers run around like hamsters on espresso for the entire night and next morning.

I looked around the audience of parents and realized that this would be the last time we would share the same room as well. It's an interesting phenomenon that occurs when you have children, the parents' of your children's friends become your friends as well. It is with these moms and dads I have carpooled, traded caretaking, pick-ups from school, solicited parenting advice and weathered our daughters' entry into adolescence together.

In spite of the difficulty in saying goodbye to familiar people and surroundings, graduation marks a leap (no matter how tentative) into the future and possibility. Armed with knowledge, some experience and brimming confidence, graduates say "Yes!" to a new phase of their lives--whether that means entering 1st grade, middle school, high school, college, graduate school, med school or the real world. It is a time of excitement, confidence, pride and hopefulness for both the graduate and the audience. I think one of the happiest places on earth is attending a graduation, particularly when the beaming graduate walks across the stage a changed person once she is handed her diploma or certificate--there is so much happiness and charged energy shooting around that it's nearly impossible not to be affected!

That feeling of excitement and energy is what I receive as a coach when my clients move out of their comfort zone or usual routine to try out something new. When a client first comes to me, disillusioned and unhappy about being unsuccessful in changing a habit or living an unbalanced life we work together to create positive change. For instance, I spend time educating her about how to manage stress...Together we explore what keeps him from moving forward in his career...I teach her about assertiveness and setting boundaries so her time is more her own. After months of work, most clients have new self-awareness and are ready to move out on their own, armed with the skills they developed through the process of coaching. The client graduates onto a healthier, happier lifestyle. When my clients achieve greater life satisfaction or improved health because of their lifestyle change or stress management skills, I feel as though I have just handed him or her something equivalent to the Willy Wonka Golden Ticket!

Thought for the Day: Are you moving forward or are you being retained in the same grade, so to speak? What can you do to take steps to graduate to a healthier, happier lifestyle?

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.

--Dr. Seuss