Wednesday, August 06, 2008



Map Out Your Energy This Month

(The following is excerpted from my monthly ezine. If you would like to subscribe, please go to my website, scroll to the bottom any page and provide your email. You will be asked to confirm your subscription prior to your first message.)

Greetings from Envision Your Dreams Ezine! August is here which means the seemingly endless days of summer will soon cease. I hope your summer thus far has been relaxing and you have been able to get away to enjoy some chill time in your favorite summer spot. Soon my family and I will begin our cross-country trek back to Texas. This month often presents a challenge for me to stay present and mindful of the moment and not get caught up in "energy drains" of mental to-do list preparation as the departure date edges closer and my thoughts begin to focus on all that awaits me back in San Antonio. Perhaps you, too, experience difficulty in staying present and keeping your energy high each day. In this month's issue I offer you tips on how to map out how you currently spend your energy and determine if you are providing yourself adequate recharge time.

As always, send me your comments as well as any ideas of suggestions you may have for upcoming issues. I welcome your feedback--enjoy the read. One of the best compliments you can pay me is to pass this newsletter on to others who you feel could benefit. Thanks again for your continued support!


Sometimes I think if there was ever there was a reality show focused on the ability to multi-task, I could be a "contendah". Often by noon, I have completed a myriad of tasks: exercised, walked or ran the dogs, put in a load of laundry, checked my email and voicemail between unloading the dishwasher, taken my daughter to school or work depending on the day, met with several clients... Some mornings I am happy with all I have accomplished, while other mornings I feel like a worn out hamster struggling to keep from careening head-first, off the creaky, spinning wheel. In the late 1990s and early 2000, marketers proclaimed the possibilities of multitasking through the use of new technology. With advances in handheld devices, many of us fall prey to the siren buzz of their "Crackberry" or other portable communication device. I, too, have been guilty of catching up on the latest scoop with my sister-in-law while driving to my office with my hands-free cell phone.
While many of us try to do at least two activities at once, the latest research has suggested that multi-taskers are actually less efficient. Because their attention is divided, multi-taskers make more mistakes and take longer to complete the tasks they are engaged in. In reality it is impossible to pay equal attention to more than one task at a time (perhaps anything more complex than walking and chewing gum simultaneously). What occurs when multi-tasking is that one's attention alternates between the tasks and to fully engage in one task after alternating back and forth, requires "start up" time, thus cutting down on the multi-tasker's perceived efficiency. Additionally, researchers at UCLA found that multi-tasking affects the brain's learning ability. Bottom line is that we do not learn well when we are distracted and we are distracted when we multi-task. We may be able to learn new information; however, we may experience difficulty retrieving the information. Additionally, we all have experienced the bone-tired exhaustion that comes when our brains and bodies are overtaxed.

Many of the clients I work with feel stretched and strained by the demands of their workplace or family responsibilities. One client reports feeling "sucked dry" by the unreasonable performance expectations placed on him by his supervisor. Another young woman describes how she has lost the motivation and excitement she once felt when she first began her career a few years ago and she has begun to second-guess her choice of college major. Another client struggles with caring for her physically fragile parent while meeting the demands of her young children.

While it may be true that we cannot control all things in our workplace or home environment, what we can do is learn more adaptive ways to manage the stressors we face each day. When we become mindful and aware of how we react and respond to stress, we begin to take better care of our mental and physical health. When we become aware of how we spend our time, we can then make conscious choices about how to energize or recharge ourselves before we become depleted. The exercise I offer you I found in this month's Health Magazine. It is a simple and quick way for you to identify where you spend the bulk of your energy and raise your awareness as to how you can take better care of yourself when faced with stressors. Here's how:

1) Draw 4 circles on a piece of paper and label each circle one of the following:
Emotional, Mental, Physical, and Spiritual. Draw an "equator line" across the center of each circle.

2) In the top half of the circle labeled "Emotional" list how you spend your energy on emotional issues. Here you might list worries, concerns, feelings of loss, etc.

3) In the bottom half of the circle labeled "Emotional" list how you recover from the expenditure of these emotions. For example, perhaps you nap, exercise or eat.

4) Complete each of the four circles recording how you spend your energy in each of the areas of life. The results will offer you a clear picture of where and how you spend your emotional and physical energy. You might discover that you are placing energy on things that are not important to you or that you need to provide yourself more time or opportunity to recover from the energy expenditure so you are not running on empty by the end of the day. Have you implemented healthy strategies for recovering from your biggest energy drains? By looking at these four areas in your life you may discover ways to help yourself boost your energy (without having to consume a pot of coffee mid-afternoon!).

"There is more to life than increasing its speed."
--Gandhi

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Let

Let Freedom Ring This July

(This is an excerpt from my monthly ezine--if you would like to subscribe, go to my website and click on the piggy on the bottom of the page to subscribe.)

This month cities and towns across the States prepare for their respective annual 4th of July celebration. You may be planning a family BBQ for the 4th or perhaps you are anticipating the bright fireworks in the night skies (if you happen to be in a place where there is no fire hazard, that is). Wherever you may be, I wish you a safe celebration with friends and loved ones.

This posting focuses on "freedom." Our country was founded on the promise of freedom of expression and belief. Our European ancestors fled persecution and restriction of civil liberties in Britain, boarded ship in August 1620, braved the seas for 3 months, embarking on an uncertain future in the hopes of experiencing independence. Four months later, they stepped foot onto Cape Cod, establishing the first American village of Plimouth Plantation. This July, I encourage you, too, to bravely set out to achieve some freedom of your own in that I invite you to free yourself from a negative habit over the coming weeks. Let the next 31 days mark your personal journey to break free of a negative health or other personal habit and set sail toward a healthier lifestyle and a freer existence.

All along the Cape, red, white and blue is everywhere. One neighbor religiously repaints the trim of his gray shingled cottage red, white and blue each summer. This year, I notice, he's even gone so far as to suspend red and blue beer bottles onto the tree in his front yard. Flags fly in the breeze atop flag poles and the patriotic colors are on display in everything from window boxes to beach towels. Here in our little town on Cape Cod, folks take Indepedence Day very seriously as Falmouth holds a small paragraph in the history books in its victory over Britain during the Revolutionary War. Back in the late 1700s, as the American Revolution gained momentum, Falmouth suffered the effects of the British blockade and raids on local farms. One evening the town's militia head, Colonel Demmick, received an alert from the son of an innkeeper on nearby Naushon Island that the British planned to burn the town to the ground the following day. Col. Demmick and his militia of 160 were ready and successfully repelled the attack by a fleet of 10 English ships off Surf Drive the next day.

The battle I described took place on one of my favorite running routes. Sometimes I try to picture the British ships just off the sandy coast facing the brave residents of my little village as I run past the beach. I try to conjure up the determination the men must have felt as they prepared to engage in battle. It is unlikely that you nor I face a challenge to fend off an invading sloop in our everyday life, however, I believe that an opportunity exists for us to do battle with a tyrannical foe of our own this month. Mke this the month you break free from an unhealthy fondness for your couch at the end of the day or maybe you are now ready to wage war with your expanding waistline. Below I offer you suggestions to create your own strategy to achieve some freedom and emancipate yourself from the things that have kept you ensnared and discouraged.


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Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better.

Albert Camus


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It's All About Strategy

Just as Col. Demmick had to come up with a strategy to employ once he received word of the looming threat to his town, in order for you to be successful in your personal war for freedom it is important that you become well-versed in the strategy you will implement in your victory battle. We all know that change is hard...if it were easy, you wouldn't have need for this ezine or the stacks of books or dusty videos and CDs dedicated to weight loss, smoking cessation or "you fill in the blank topic" you have struggled with scattered around your home. Below are some questions to ask yourself that will help you gain clarity as you create your strategy:

1) What will my future be like if I change? For anyone to make a positive move in the direction of changing a long-standing behavior, one must become clear about why going through all the effort to change the behavior is worth their while. To gain clarity, write down all the things that will open up for you if you make this change. Perhaps you will be able to fit into your "skinny" jeans once again. Or maybe you will be able to register for your first 5K this Fall. If you commit to this change, then you may be able to play with your grandchildren in the backyard without becoming winded. Or maybe you will be able to stop taking your medication for high cholesterol or high blood pressure. List all the great things you will be able to participate or engage in if you were to defeat your enemy.

2) What am I afraid of regarding this change? Just as the early pilgrims had to be scared out of their britches about what lay ahead of them in the New World, write down all of the fears you hold regarding making this change. Here is the place to get down all those negative statements such as "I will fail...I never can succeed at this....It is too hard....I am afraid to try." Write each fear down as one sentence in a column. Opposite that one sentence of fear or anxiety, write an additional sentence down disputing or challenging that fear. For example on the left side of my page I write: "I am afraid I will fail at losing weight." Opposite this fear I would write my disputation of this fear: "I have succeeded at doing difficult things in the past and I can be successful at this as well." Write down all of your fears and the disputations as many times as you need to (perhaps pages worth), until you feel that the fears and worries are out of your head and that you have spent sufficient time providing yourself evidence of when you have succeeded in the past.

3) Create your game plan. Now that the fears are out of the way, spend some time creating your strategy for success. For instance, if your goal is to lose weight, think about some small steps you can implement to help you achieve your goal. Some suggestions might be: substitute fruits and vegetables for high fat snacks, don't eat after 8 pm, or consume two glasses of water for every soda or alcoholic beverage you drink. Get up and walk around the living room during commercials or shut off the TV altogether for one hour each night to do something good for body, mind and soul.

4) Enlist others in your pursuits. Col. Demmick wouldn't have lasted a New England minute keeping the Redcoats at bay on that sandy beach of Falmouth all by his lonesome. He needed the support of the militia to save the village. This is the month for you to enlist your own villagers and troops: Join a Weight Watchers group, enlist a family member or friend to check in with daily about your food intake, make a pact with a neighbor or friend to meet at the park for a walk or run once a week. When you make a verbal commitment to another person, it is more likely you will stick with it. It's easy to hit the snooze button and snuggle back under the covers when it's just you and the road, but it's harder to do this when you know your buddy , who is just as sleepy, is out there waiting for you.

Now you have some tips to help you in your battle against some of your negative habits. Winning a battle over something that is challenging and hard will serve to make the achievement of personal independence even more sweet and joyful. Good luck in your personal fight for liberty this month!


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In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed;
it must be achieved.
Franklin D. Roosevelt

Monday, April 07, 2008



Open Up This April

The trees and flowers in my yard have been engaged in silent work these past months. Internal goings-on within the structure of the limbs and stalks have made the timing right for the leaves and flowers to burst forth. Over the past few weeks, the oak trees in the back have transformed from barren, crusty limbs to full, bountiful leaf-covered branches. The mountain laurel made its early debut last month, pleasing my eyes with heavy lilac-colored clusters and teasing my nose with its sweet scent. Even the scrawny orange tree at the corner of the yard strains under the weight of overflowing blossoms. Yesterday I noticed splats of vibrant red blooms on the climbing rose bush on the front wall. And Tartlin, our desert tortoise, has come out of his winterized house and is greedily making up for lost time munching on the green, spring grasses. Similar color shows may be happening in your yard (although probably without the presence of a tortoise), or may be just around the forecaster's corner.

No matter what day marks the first day of Spring when flowers in your neighborhood begin to open up to the warmth of the sun, I invite you to consider this day the first day you open up to your very own personal Spring. Let today be the day you become mindful and aware of all you have in your life. Let this month be the one you open your mind up to embrace and deepen your relationships with the ones you love.

How does one begin to open up in awareness? The first step to opening yourself up is to, somewhat paradoxically, turn your awareness inward or to the present. Just as the trees in my yard engaged in silent, internal work to prepare for the vibrant burst of color, it is likely that you too will benefit from some internal work to help you repair wounds, prune off some "old stuff" and grow. In a past issue ezine issue I introduced readers to the Buddhist concept of "monkey mind" and taught a basic meditation. Monkey mind refers to our mind's ability to leap back into the past or careen into the future with worries, ruminations, and judgments in split seconds. When we are in monkey mind we miss out on the happenings in the present moment. In contrast, when we spend more time in the present moment, we begin to have more awareness of our thoughts and we become more adept at releasing negative thoughts or judgments. When we open ourselves up to mindful thought, we become aware that our thoughts are simply thoughts and may not reflect reality. This awareness is remarkably freeing and energizing.

Mindful thought does not have to involve a meditation practice. Rather mindfulness simply means to turn your attention to observing your thoughts--a bit like reeling the thoughts you've "hooked" in for a closer look. Next time you are feeling stressed or tense, take a few deep breaths and observe your internal commentary. You might find your internal, critical voice has free rein much of the time. For instance, while sitting in traffic an observation may go like this: "I can't believe I am stuck here again. There are so many stupid drivers on the road. I am going to be late for my appointment and then my boss is going to be angry. I hate my job, I wish I could just quit." Once you notice your mind's running commentary, you have the choice to disengage from the energy-draining negativity and judgment such as "traffic = frustration" and shift into a lighter mood with observing thoughts such as "The sun is shining and feels warm; the traffic will open up and flow. I enjoy this moment of solitude."

Often we depend on a change in our environment to bring us happiness. We may become embedded in our "if only" beliefs which go like this: "If only he would change, then I would not be so angry." "If only I had more money, then I would be happy." "If only I could lose this weight, then I would attract love." When we are immersed in this kind of mindset, happiness and joy are fleeting since we become dissatisfied and disillusioned with what we have and are off seeking the next thing in our environment to bring us happiness. An important realization is this: An external change or a change in outer circumstances is not necessary to bring about an internal change. When one releases the attachment to something that is going on externally (for example, the traffic jam ) and shift to a mindful place of observation (for example, opportunity to enjoy the sunshine), the result is a mood shift into a more positive direction.

Being able to sit with and observe our feelings about what is going on in our lives rather than reacting to each and every thought that enters is one way to enhance personal insight. When we can sit with such feelings as anger, embarrassment, and uncertainty without being engulfed by them, we allow other thoughts to enter. Jon Kabat-Zinn writes that "every moment in which we are caught (by an emotion, impulse or opinion) in a very real way, we are instantly imprisoned by the habitual ways in which we react, whether this by withdrawal and distancing ourselves (sadness or depression), or erupting and getting emotionally hijacked by our feelings (anxiety or anger). Such moments are always accompanied by a contraction in both the mind and body."

Opportunities present themselves daily for mindful practice: red traffic lights, elevator rides, waiting in the grocery line to name just a few. Engaging regularly in this internal work will allow your own healthy thoughts to flourish and bloom this Spring. When you befriend yourself and free yourself from your critical monkey mind, you will grow and become more compassionate of yourself and others. Each day you are presented with an opportunity to open up or shut down. Let the month of April be the month you choose to be open, grow and blossom.

Thought for the Day: Take a few moments each day to focus your attention inward, experience the here and now moment and befriend yourself.

"To stay with that shakiness--to stay with a broken heart, with a rumbling stomach, with the feeling of hopelessness and wanting to get revenge--that is the path of true awakening. Sticking with the uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning not to panic, this is the spiritual path." --Pema Chodron

Tuesday, March 18, 2008



The Art of Apology

Sometimes in my work as a psychologist, themes appear to emerge in the treatment of my client population. For the past few weeks, the theme currently playing out in the lives of many of my clients seems to focus on the difficult art of how to ask forgiveness after intentionally or unintionally causing psychological pain to another. I know this challenge is not confined to those who visit the walls of my office, instead, the difficult and sometimes elusive, act of truly asking for forgiveness burrows its way into the heart of each of us at one point or another.

Every one of us has been hurt by another in our past. You may have been raised in a family where one parent belittled you. Or you may have been ridiculed by an unthinking teacher in school. Perhaps you were bullied and teased on the elementary playground or you were rejected in high school by your school crush. Depending on the duration and severity of the emotional pain, you may carry a large, shadowy, part of that old pain with you into your current, adult life. Perhaps because you never received an apology for those old psychological bumps and bruises, you may be very sensitive to hurts from others. Because you never experienced the power of a sincere apology, you may not know how to do it so that your intended feels the full, cleansing effect of a request for forgiveness.

Here are a few steps to follow next time the need to apologize arises:

1. Acknowledge your error, hurtful comment or action. Many people have difficulty with this first step and instead tell the other things like: "I didn't mean it" or "You heard it wrong" or "You shouldn't let that bother you." When one does this, they dismiss the very real feelings of the other in the act of deflecting the seriousness of the comment or action. Instead say: "I realize I hurt you by...." or "I am sorry to have hurt you when I said ..." By offering such responses, you take responsibility for your actions or comments and how they have affected another. You sincerely acknowledge your role in causing the other pain or sadness. This is the first step to healing the problem.

2. Offer an explanation for your action or comment. This is not the time to pull out the time-honored blame card which goes like this: "Well, if you hadn't (fill in the blank), I wouldn't have (fill in the retaliatory blank)." Instead, this is the opportunity for you to come clean about your own motivations for your action or comment. You might say: "I know I hurt you when I said.... I realize I was feeling insecure about ..." Or "I realize it was unthinking of me to..." Now is the time to truly reflect on your own reasons for doing or saying what you did to the other. It's time to be a grown-up and give up the adolescent "I dunno" refrain from years past.

3. Next ask the person how your actions or comments affected him or her. Take time to truly listen to how he or she feels. Refrain from defensiveness and the impulse to tell the person they shouldn't feel the way they do. Instead look them in the eye and acknowledge their feelings by saying "I understand and I am sorry to have hurt you." The act of truly looking at someone while they express their feelings is a powerful healing tool. Simply listen, don't try to fix or dismiss. Absorb their pain, not deflect it away. Acknowledge what they tell you without defense.

4. The final, and most forgotten step to the act of asking for forgiveness is to ask the other what you can do to make things right. This is important because you are letting the other know that you are ready to take action to correct the hurt. Apologetic words mean little when the hurtful actions or comments continue to be repeated. If the person you have hurt is truly important to you, the show them with your actions that you respect, honor and cherish them. Making things right could mean anything from providing a heart-felt hug to taking more involved action to right a wrong.

Thought for the Day: If you hurt someone today by your words or actions, truly make things right by apologizing with sincerity and follow the steps above.

True remorse is never just a regret over consequence; it is a regret over motive. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

Saturday, March 08, 2008



The Backbone's Connected To the...Ouch!

I have just returned from my first day at the gym in nearly a month. Yesterday I completed my second trip to rehab, err, I mean physical/therapy. My teenage daughter snarls when I use the word "rehab" as she doesn't want her friends to think I have joined up with Amy Winehouse et al. And the reason for my absence at the gym and new membership to Club P/T? Let's say it's an adverse reaction to great dane ownership. About a month back, I had the two dogs out for their walk and both became ecstatic over an opportunity to meet up with an approaching beagle. I tried feebly to contain their enthusiasm and soon found myself skidding along on my backside, doing my own version of stunt land-skiing for about a foot or so. Zeebo, the male dane, stopped and looked down at me, jowls a-flubber, as if to ask, "What are you doing down there?" Suki, the female, barely took notice of my awkward plight, and continued barking and howling at the now-past beagle. I hobbled the half-mile home, telling them both they were "horrible dogs" all the way, although I can't say they appeared to register any form of remorse. I crawled into bed with an icepack, ibuprofen and muscle relaxants within arms-reach for the next 72 hours. All seemed to be on the tender mend until last Monday when I sneezed while driving my daughter to school. I never once imagined that a simple sneeze could cause a lightning bolt to shoot up my spine. Once more, I limped into bed for a few hours with an icepack and gave in to the realization that it was time to see a doc.

One week after an MRI, xray and ingestion of some glorious steroids, I am that much closer to healing from a bulging disk at L5. With my doc and PT's permission, this afternoon I happily engaged in a 10 minute walk in the pool, plus an odd assortment of exercises with names like "dying bug" and "airplane." With careful attention I will be lacing up my running shoes and out on the trails once again.

This experience has been yet another opportunity for learning. Once again I have received a wake-up call to remind me that I do not possess superhuman strength (even though I may think so at times) and that it is probably an unwise decision for me to walk both canine giants at the same time. This experience has also been a lesson in patience. I realize that I have some difficulty in allowing the process of healing to occur on it's own time schedule. After a few days of incapacitation, I began to grumble and snap at my loved ones. Although I denied being irritable when my husband suggested such, I later had to admit that I did snip a bit. After weeks of not being able to exercise, my mood shifted into the sluggish, carbohydrate vs. sugar-craving doldrums. Like someone trying to kick a drug habit, I became aware of my uncomfortable withdrawal from my dependency on exercise-promoting endorphins running through my veins, bathing my brain with good feelings. And finally, having always been a self-sufficient person, it remains difficult for me to ask for assistance, even from those in my own household.

So I have had to force a shift in thinking, opening myself up to other ways to keep myself sane and happy while my body takes its own sweet time mending my back and me back to health. I realize I need to be conscious and grateful for the mobility I have, particularly with the knowledge that I am blessed to be told I will be able to return to my previous level of activity. Today I was grateful for my daughter accompanying me to the gym for the stroll in the pool. Since I have been a bit incapacitated, I am grateful for her helpfulness and attention, particularly since I know she will be off to college before I know it. Astonishingly, she even helped me grocery shop and unload the bags when we returned home. (It could be that her helpfulness had something to do with her being able to practice her driving skills in the process, but that's okay.) I am grateful for my husband's efforts to make dinner (thank goodness for instant taco mix) and to keep me entertained. Since I can't head out to the trails to run when I get home from work, I have been able to spend more time in mindful meditation and silent assessment of the workings of my breath. I have become more aware of the relaxation response that occurs through meditation and muscle relaxation. Not being able to run, I have been forced to slow down and increase my awareness of my environment. Sitting outside in the warm Spring sun this morning, I watched a pair of wrens prepare a nest for future family. I fed apples to our tortoise and watched the dogs play tag in the backyard.

Not that I would recommend a back injury to anyone, I am grateful for the opportunity to be aware of the incredible, ever-changing and healing machine I call my body. I am grateful to be aware of the love and generosity of my friends and family when I am down. And, yes, I am even grateful for the exuberant, clumsy dogs in my life, because without them this might have been a lesson lost.

Thought for the Day: If you are a person experiencing physical or emotional discomfort, what can you do to shift your thoughts toward a place of learning?

If we are too busy, if we are carried away every day by our projects, our uncertainty, our craving, how can we have the time to stop and look deeply into the situation-our own situation, the situation of our beloved one, the situation of our family and of our community, and the situation of our nation and of the other nations?

~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Saturday, March 01, 2008



Manage Your Monkey Mind

(This following is an excerpt from the March issue of my free monthly ezine. To subscribe simply go my website and register at the bottom of the page.)

March heralds the coming of Spring: the winter cold begins to thaw, brightly colored flowers peek through the ground, the Easter Bunny may hop into your backyard soon, and basketball fans are excitedly planning their month-long hibernation on the couch as college basketball March Madness begins. Coming late to the game and not being raised in a basketball-loving home, I have a different take on the term "March Madness." I think about the term as relating to the frenzy and flurry of thoughts which run through our minds on a minute-by-minute basis. If you are like most folks, your mind may race to keep up with the monologue in your head. I once read that the average person experiences over 60,000 thoughts in one day and yours may go something like this: "Gotta email Mary re: the project deadline....Don't forget to pick up the dry cleaning...Where did I put that folder?...Did I pay the cable bill?...Look at the time! I'm going to be late...Why did I eat that?...Did that noise come from my car?...I wonder what she meant by that comment" and on and on. You may not be fully aware of your internal commentator, but he or she is there, nearly 24/7. In this issue I offer you some suggestions as to how not to be held hostage by your thoughts. Instead I will teach you how to slow your mental process down in order to recenter yourself in the here and now to become more efficient and mindful of what you want to accomplish each day.

Manage Your Monkey Mind
Here in San Antonio we have a wonderful zoo, complete with the requisite menagerie of lions, tigers, and bears. One of my favorite spots at the zoo is the monkey display. I love to watch the original trapeze artists, the spider monkey, swing effortlessly through the climbing structure. Their darting eyes and nimble fingers are rarely still. Their impulsive antics sometimes result in minor spats and squawks of disapproval with their roommates, particularly when one has snatched a peanut out of the hand of another. When not swinging, they amble about their cage. When not ambling, they groom their neighbor. When not grooming another, they scratch their own particular itch. When not scratching, they put things in their mouths for a taste. It is rare to see a quiet monkey at my zoo.

Our thoughts are a bit like those busy spider monkeys: constantly searching, observing, commenting, criticizing, critiquing. Flitting from one branch to another; our thoughts jump wildly to ruminating about the past, then bungy-jump off to worry about the future, not content to rest long in the here and now. They chatter while you drive, watch TV, and stand in line at the bank. They chatter as you daydream or prepare for sleep. Some thoughts may be friend while others, foe. Sometimes the chattering thoughts take over, particularly when anxiety or depression-driven, and take charge of our actions. Repetitive or random thoughts may make you feel confused, distracted and helpless to change your current situation. For some people, thoughts become the driving force and spiral them into action--with positive or negative consequences. Positive thoughts encourage and motivate us to achieve and grow. Negative ones sap us of energy, joy and experiencing the wonder of our current moment.

Buddhists have a wonderful term for these flitting mental gymnastics: Monkey Mind. According to Zen Buddhist tradition, the untrained mind is like a cluttered room filled with wild, unruly monkeys running loose in one's head. Imagine each of these monkeys as a random thought in your daily consciousness. These monkeys are the chatter you hear in your head every second of the day while you go about your daily business. There is a lot of power behind our thoughts: Positive or negative, they influence and impact our lives. Effectively managing your thoughts is a profound way to improve your day-to-day experience.

One of the ways to tame your little monkeys is to learn simple meditation. I have written about the power of meditation in past issues and this technique is one of the first things I suggest to my clients to help improve their awareness. Before you become concerned that I am suggesting you change your religion, I will tell you that I am not suggesting this at all. Meditation is a technique to gain awareness of your thoughts and to learn how to distinguish between thinking a thought and acting on the thought. Our thoughts are simply mental matter. Many thoughts do not necessarily require action: Jumping to safety and out of the way of an oncoming car? Yes. Taking a second helping of chocolate cake? No. Meditation allows you to tame your monkey mind by moving beyond thought--to become aware of a thought, allowing it to rise up and float away without letting it pull you off in a different direction. Being able to concentrate is one of the tools that allow you to slow down your mental process and focus on observing your thoughts without being, as a client puts it "emotionally hijacked." Meditation allows you to harness the power of your mind, settle down and focus, on one subject at a time.

Meditation Made Simple
Without having to run out to a purchase a pair of yoga pants and meditation bowls, the steps below will provide you with the basics of simple meditation. One of the easiest ways to be introduced to the practice is to focus on your breath. Whenever your monkey mind kicks up a fuss, return your focus onto your breath.

Turn your phones to silent and let others in your household know that you would like to be undisturbed for 10 minutes or so.

Choose a place where you can get comfortable. You may want to sit on the floor or be supported in a chair. Or you may prefer to lie in your bed. Whatever place you choose, plan to give yourself at least ten minutes of quiet time.

Loosen any restrictive clothing and move to your comfortable, chosen place.
Close your eyes and breathe naturally for a few moments. Give yourself permission to relax and focus on yourself during this time. Relax your jaw and allow your face to soften.

After a few moments, turn your attention to your breath. Make your breath deep, calm and as regular as you can. At the top of your inhalation, pause briefly before you exhale. Continue this breathing pattern for a few moments.

At the next inhalation, silently count 1, and on the exhalation count 2. On the next inhalation count 3 and on the exhalation count 4. Continue this up to 10 breaths, then repeat in descending order.

You will likely notice that thoughts about your day begin to enter your mind. Simply allow these thoughts to come, acknowledge them, and let them drift on by like a cloud in the sky. Gently bring your attention back to your regular, calm breath.
Continue this breathing exercise for as long as you wish. You will find yourself more relaxed and calm when you are done.

Peer reviewed journal articles support studies that suggest meditation and other relaxation techniques have exhibited significant reductions in symptoms of heart disease, high blood pressure, IBS, chronic pain and stress. If you take time for daily meditation (even for ten minutes) then you will find your decision making process in your day-to-day life will be more controlled and centered. You will find yourself less reactive and driven by your thoughts. And most importantly, you will be able to experience your life with better health, more appreciation, compassion and humor.
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"It is commonly held view that meditation is a way to shut off the pressures in the world or your own mind, but this is not an accurate impression. Meditation is neither shutting things out nor off. It is seeing clearly and deliberately, positioning yourself different in relationship to your thoughts."
--Jon Kabat-Zinn

Thursday, February 14, 2008



Surfing on Thoughts

Happy Valentine's Day, blogfans! Hope the day provides you with opportunity to express your care and love to those important to you. Earlier today I was engaged in reading and came across a Buddhist saying which piqued my interest: "Surf on the waves of your thought." This saying speaks to the alternative to letting yourself become engulfed and dragged down by your negative thoughts. Instead, the saying encourages one to observe thoughts as they come and go, simply watching them rather than becoming ensnared and pummeled in reactivity. Thoughts are like waves, they arise naturally and our job is to simply allow our thoughts to flow and ride them smoothly.

One of the things I teach my clients is how to increase their awareness of their thoughts, how their thoughts influence their mood or actions and how to achieve greater emotional balance through practices such as meditation and breathwork. One of the first things I help my clients to learn is how to quiet their mind and observe and detach from their thoughts. If we had a volume control in our brain, for many folks, the volume would be at an 8 or 9 out of 10 on most days. The level of noise in your head influences your ability to focus, relax and relate to those around you.

One of the most effective ways to turn down the volume is to take time each day, for as little as 10 minutes, to allow yourself some time for peace and quiet. When you turn down the volume you will be more present and mindful throughout your day and less distracted and unfocused. Picture a holiday snowglobe for a moment. When it is shaken, the snowflakes swirl around the globe making it difficult to see the scene depicted inside. When the globe is allowed to sit undisturbed for a few moments, the snow settles on the bottom, leaving the water clear and you are able to see the scene clearly (excerpted from Healing Rhythms). Your mind and body function in a similar way: each day you may experience worries, fears, disappointment, frustration, among other emotions and these thoughts affect your ability to perceive things clearly and they may also affect your physical health. When you take time to quiet your mind you allow your nervous system to calm and you gain greater clarity.

So, how do you quiet your mind? The first step is to find a quiet place to spend some time. You want to turn off your phone, ask your family members not to interrupt you for the next 15 minutes or so. In your quiet place, find a comfortable position in which you are fully supported. This could be a comfortable chair, your bed, or even the floor. Loosen any restrictive clothing, such as a belt or necktie. Close your eyes and feel your body relax into your chair or bed. Focus your attention on your breath and allow your breath to become deeper, slower and more regular. Inhale for a count of 5, pause, then exhale for a count of 5. For some people it is helpful to visualize a beachball inflating for the inhalation count of 5 and then visualize the ball deflating for the exhalation count of 5. Focus on making your breath slower, deeper and more regular. Feel the breath enter your lungs and with each exhalation, feel your body become more relaxed and calm. As thoughts enter your mind, simply let them pass--remember you are surfing on the waves of your thoughts. Allow your belly to expand on each inhalation and deflate on the exhalation. Breathing has the ability to calm and revive you. By learning to focus on your breath, you become more present and less susceptible to stress.

I encourage you to practice breathwork several times a day, particularly in those moments when you feel yourself reacting to stressors in your environment. The more you practice awareness breathing, the more you balanced and centered you will become.

Thought for the Day: Practice the breathing exercise described above. What did you notice about your mood and energy before and after the exercise?

"I am breathing in and liberating my mind. I am breathing out and liberating my mind." --Thich Nhat Hanh

Sunday, February 03, 2008



Lock in Some Love This Month

This is the month when thoughts turn toward love and romance. Valentine's Day is celebrated on February 14 and it is the day on which lovers express their love for each other, sending cards, flowers or candy. My local grocery store displays gifts-galore for the occasion: From bright red, cellophane-wrapped heart-shaped boxed chocolates to tiny boxes of conversation hearts. The local florist promises a deal on a dozen red roses to give to a loved one on Cupid's Big Day. The US Greeting Card Association estimates that, a mind-boggling, 1 billion valentines are send each year, making the day the second largest card-sending holiday. In this entry I offer you some suggestions as to how to send love (without the need for a postage stamp) to best benefit yourself and others around you.

Years ago I remember helping my then elementary-aged daughter decorate her Valentine's Bag to hang on the back of her classroom chair. She glued paper hearts and lace onto a brown lunch bag and carefully wrote her name in red and pink crayon on the front. Later the same day I helped her spell out the name of each classmate as she addressed envelopes for the cards to her friends. On the morning of Valentine's Day, each child dropped a card or small gift into their classmate's bag. I can still recall the excitement and joy on her face at the end of the day as she dumped her love-bounty on the kitchen table and pored over each and every message. She glowed with the feeling of being cherished and accepted by her classmates. I believe that such simple acts of acknowledgment and expressions of care serve to build the foundation of our adult self-esteem and security. The ability to receive and send compassion, positive regard and care to ourselves and others is at the heart of human connection.

Within the past decade the field of mental health has embraced and explored the area of "positive psychology" thanks to the research of psychologist Martin Seligman. The basic premise is that our positive thoughts enhance our feelings of personal fulfillment, happiness and quality of life and may boost the treatment response to therapy and/or medication. Positive emotions create harmony and improve general health thus improving one's ability to cope with difficult situations and manage stress more effectively. Negative thoughts, on the other hand, impact one's ability to experience healthy, loving relationships with another or from embracing one's full potential in life. When one abides by the negative thoughts, negative emotion follows. Negative emotion is displayed in the form of depression, irritability, anger and defeat. Negative emotion may be implicated in serious health issues. Physiologically, when people feel scared, upset or angry their heart rhythms may become irregular (source: http://www.heartmath.org).

In contrast, when one is feeling cared for and love, appreciation and compassion for another, the heart rhythms become even and steady. Because of the connection between the heart and the brain, when the heart is calm, it reflects an integrated state of well-being. When the mind is calm and clear and out from under the cloud of depression, you are able to think more clearly and make better decisions. You can use simple techniques to calm the heart and help the body establish an overall state of peacefulness. When you learn to self-generate heartfelt feelings of love, care and appreciation, you not only feel better, but you are able to think more clearly and become more fulfilled and self-confident in what you do and in your relationships with others.
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Heart Lock-In
Here is a simple technique to employ this month to bring your attention to your heart. It is called the Heart Lock-In and was designed by the folks at HeartMath. Basically, the longer you hold your attention to your positive feelings, the better you will feel emotionally and physically. Research has shown that this technique can help ease depression, anxiety or fear and it will enhance feelings of compassion and care. Compassion for yourself will help reduce the amount of emotional drain caused by stressful emotions and will reduce the amount of damage such stress can have on your body. The essential step in the practice is to "send" appreciation or love. Years of research shows that feeling love or appreciation creates a cascade of biochemical events that help the body and mind. We know this intuitively: Love feels good.

Here are the five simple steps for Heart Lock In:

1. Close your eyes and relax.

2. Shift your attention away from your thoughts and to the area around your heart. If it helps, place your hand on your heart. Visualize your breath going in and out through the area of your heart and take very slow, deep breaths.

3. Now, find something that's easy for you to appreciate, think about the good things in your life, like children, your pet, your partner, your best friend. Send them genuine appreciation and love for five minutes as you breathe through your heart. Really feel the emotion of appreciation, not just the thought.

4. As you catch your mind wandering, gently bring your focus back to your heart and continue sending love and appreciation.

5. After you've finished doing the Heart Lock-In, try to sustain those feelings of appreciation and love as long as you can. This will act as a cushion against recurring stress or anxiety.

Use this great technique for emotional renewal as often you can throughout your day. As you enhance your feelings of compassion and care, it will serve to strengthen your sense of connection with others. Remember, each moment provides you with an opportunity for connection and growth. Here's a heart-felt wish for you to lock-in the love and send yourself some appreciation and compassion this month!

Thought for the Day: Practice Heart Lock In each day and experience a change in your heart.

Love cures people -- both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it."
---Dr. Karl Menninger

Tuesday, January 22, 2008



Wag More, Bark Less

Sitting in traffic, while attempting to run several errands between clients, I noticed a small sign on the rear window of the car ahead of me. It was a timely message, particularly since I was beginning to feel my patience draining as I sat through a second round of lights while trying to navigate across a busy intersection. The sign offered a simple command: "Wag More, Bark Less." Even if I weren't a dog owner, I could understand the sentiment behind this zen-like statement. How many times in the past few days have you come across a person intent on baring his or her teeth, barking their needs? Have you, yourself, been caught up growling and snarling your demands over the past week?

I am a great student of the lessons my two Danes offer me and if you are a regular reader of this blog, you too, have learned some lessons from Zeebo and Suki. Dogs have a wonderful ability to communicate; they don't think twice about expressing what they feel. When Zeebo is happy, particularly when I say one of his most-loved words like "cookie," he jumps and leaps straight up in the air on his hind legs, coming eye-to-joyful-eye with me. When Suki is frightened about a noise, she crouches down with her tail tucked in tight between her legs and lays her ears back, flat against her bony skull. When Suki invites Zeebo to play, she wags her tail and smiles at him in the way only dogs can smile. My dogs rarely misread my cues and signals, so observant are they of my gestures and actions. Think about when you have been in the presence of a lovable, friendly dog. He conveyed his positive regard of you through his body language. He wagged his tail, looked adoringly into your eyes and perhaps offered up a paw for you to take or tried to give you a gentle lick of approval.

We are often not as gifted as our furry, four-legged friends at conveying our wishes or reading our fellow humans' cues or desires. Sometimes we "bark" when what is really needed at the time is a good "wag." Often we think that growling and complaining about what is not going right in our lives or relationships is the only way to draw attention to a problem. Or that they best way to convey our thoughts to another is by yipping and snapping with irritability. What I believe, and what I teach my clients, is that it is important to be able to express our thoughts and needs in a clear and authentic way in order for the message to be heard and internalized by another. Growling and snapping is most certainly one way to convey one's feelings and thoughts, but it is probably not the best way to secure love and affection if that is one's goal. When we are in the presence of another whose attitude is one of negativity, criticism and complaint, most of us want to move as far away from the grumbler as possible.

So how do you convey your thoughts and place yourself in a position to be more likely to receive what you want? You got it: Wag more. A human smile is the equivalent of a dog's tail wag (excerpted from "Dog's Never Lie About Love" by Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson). Dogs are not stingy with whom they bestow their wags upon and people, too, should not be stingy with their own expressions of affection, joy and happiness towards others. Wagging more means to acknowledge the abundance already present in your life. To wag more means to verbalize gratitude to those around you whom you care about and love. To wag means to be attentive toward another: listening to them and observing their body language. To wag means to allow playfulness and joy to wash over you on a daily basis.

Dogs appear to have an unlimited capacity for showing their love to humans and I believe the world as a whole would benefit if we were to emulate this one dog trait. So go let the dogs out, offer up a paw and give those around you a good wag today!

Thought for the Day: Wag more this week. Bark less. Experience how much better you feel and how differently those around you respond.

If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion or politics,
Then, my friend, you are almost as good as your dog.

Unknown Author

Tuesday, January 01, 2008



Reach For It

(The following is excerpted from my monthly newsletter. If you would like to subscribe and receive the ezine in your email, simply log on to my website and sign up.)

Today marks the first day of the new calendar year. This is the day folks around the world voice their declarations and resolutions for everything from achieving greater health to finding a new job. In case you don't recall, there are 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8700 hours, 525,600 minutes and a mind-boggling 31,536,000 seconds ahead of us before 2008 comes to a close. The birth of a new year offers us the opportunity to reflect on the past 12 months and look forward with hopefulness toward a fulfilling new one. In this month's issue I offer you some inspiration to help you plan and prepare to make 2008 your best year yet.

"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."

This quote appears on a wall hanging my stepdaughter gave me a few years back on my birthday. It hangs in the office where I see children, adolescents and their families. I love the gentle encouragement and optimism conveyed in the message and I refer to it often as I help kids sort out their goals for their future. This may be the month you, too, are beginning to sort out your own goals for the year ahead. And what better time to engage in this process as January is "National Reaching Your Potential Month." The magazine "Science of the Mind" notes that this month is dedicated to encouraging and motivating people of all ages toward a happier and fuller life by recognizing and reaching their full potential.

When I think about the word "potential" what often comes to mind is the work and school environment's use of the word as a measure of performance. Perhaps some of you can recall reading the dreaded phrase: "Not meeting his/her potential in class" in relation to your own or your child's report card. Too often the concept of potential seems to be one that is assessed by another person who provides the "potentialee" feedback as to how well they are plugging away at their career or relationship. Some folks have more than enough critics in the bleachers of life and not enough cheerleaders. And although we all benefit from feedback and another's perspective from time to time, this month I invite you to become your own best advocate and provide yourself the gift of self-encouragement and gentle urging to move forward toward the realization of your own personal goals this month and as the year unfolds.

The definition of the noun potential is "The inherent ability or capacity for growth, development, or coming into being." I love the last part of the definition "coming into being." This is what I believe our purpose here on this planet is--to evolve and come into being. To realize our inherent ability to become better adults, better partners or spouses, better parents, better citizens of our community and world. My definition of evolution is one of personal growth and improvement. It means we ask ourselves:

Where is my opportunity to grow and to improve my thoughts (today)? Perhaps this is the year you learn to meditate or carve out time each day for inspirational reading.

How can I improve my health (today)? Make this the year you schedule that physical exam you have been putting off. Give yourself the gift of movement 20-30 times each day. Not only will you feel better, but your thoughts will become clearer as well.

What can I do to improve my life and the lives of those around me (today)? In 2008 volunteer at your local shelter or school. Never underestimate the power of the smallest act of caring--you have the potential to turn a life around.

How can I treat myself with kindness and respect (today)? Make this the year you speak kindly to yourself and treat yourself with the respect you would bestow upon your most loved friend.

What can I do to encourage myself to strive (today)? Make this the year you sign up for the class you've been considering for some time. Encourage and support yourself as you step out of your comfort zone and into the space of creating a more fulfilling life.

Winston Churchill said "Continuous effort--not strength or intelligence--is the key to unlocking our potential." This means that each of us, no matter our educational background or physical abilities or limitations, can achieve a personally fulfilling life. Such achievement takes conscious attention, persistence and faith that you can create personal change. Use this month to implement a new plan for the year in which you celebrate your small steps and accomplishments on the way toward achieving your larger goals. Embrace each day as an opportunity to encourage and motivate yourself toward a happier and fuller life. Instead of nurturing your inner critic, take time each day to cultivate and acknowledge your evolving, and ever-improving, conscious self.

I wish you an abundant and fulfilling 2008 and I hope you will implement the suggestions above to help you reach your potential in the coming year!

"The greatest crime in the world is not developing your potential. When you do what you do best, you are helping not only yourself, but the world."
--Roger Williams