Love Needs A Heart

Today my family and I are safely on the other side of a health scare. A week ago my husband was referred to a cardiologist due to an increasing number of arrythmias (erratic heart beats). After a stress test, the doc urged him to undergo a cardiac catheterization to determine if there were any blockages or narrowing of the arteries. We spent a nervous week waiting for Thursday morning to roll around, trying to keep the worries at bay and the good thoughts flowing.

Fortunately the procedure went without a hitch and my husband was given the best gift ever--word that there were no blockages nor signs of plaque. His arrythmias will now be treated with meds alone. We breathed a collective sigh of relief and celebrated the good news that night with my stepkids, future son-in-law and our daughter over some homemade posole, red chile and tortillas (at the New Mexico-bred patient's request).

Throughout Thursday evening my mind flitted back and forth to the morning's events and just how different the day could have been. The nurses and the surgeon noted the news passed on to their patients is usually not as positive as the news we received. I gave multiple silent thanks throughout the day and night (and continue to this day) that my husband was given a second chance at health....We were offered an extended warranty on our life together....I was given yet another reminder to savor each and every day and be grateful for the life we have.

We've been together for nearly 20 years and after sharing the same space for that length of time, it is easy to become complacent. I know I am guilty at times of moving through my days focused and intent on my work or other projects, and there are days when I fail to connect eye to eye and soul to soul with my husband.

Relationships are a process--they are continually shaped and redefined by time and circumstances. For a relationship to succeed, each member must provide the space for the other to grow, change, reach, aspire and become. Sometimes this can be scary and anxiety provoking. Sometimes the relationship is outgrown because one person in the relationship has matured into a different person, with different needs, goals and values than when the relationship was first born. I believe for relationships to succeed and prosper, there must be an underlying respect of and compassion for one's partner. Additionally, one must continue to be interested and encouraging of the other's self growth--gently supporting and sometimes nudging, if necessary, to keep the other moving towards life and personal expansion. In our 20- year joint venture, we have definitely had our share of growing pains, worries about the future of our relationship, and low points. However, I am blessed that despite such trials and tests, we continue to value and love one another and work to help each other grow and love life.

Our relationship would have been irretrievably altered had we been offered serious news on Thursday. That we didn't receive such news allows me breathe a sigh of relief but also makes me turn a wary eye toward the future, knowing that it is just a matter of time til one or both of us is given dire health news. The news on Thursday reminded us to savor health and our relationship and to be grateful for all that we have in our lives: attentive family, excellent health care, skilled and compassionate physicians and nursing staff, and the opportunity to continue to live our lives without medical hardship. Most of all, we recognize that we are a team, available to offer support to the other when needed, both in the good times and the rough, moving through our life together with resilience and love.

Thought for the Day: Use this writing as a wake up call for yourself. Take a look at your important relationships. What can you do this week to move closer--supporting and encouraging each other as you move through your life together? How can you express gratitude to your loved one?

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other...
but in looking outward together in the same direction."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery