The Power of the Question

It's likely you have experienced the endless curiosity of a 4 year old: "Why is the sky blue? What makes cars go? Why don't dogs have horns? Do fish drink water?" These are a few of the questions posed to me by daughter way back when. If my response to her query wasn't sufficient, she would place her hands on her hips and launch into the equally well known chorus: "But WHY?" A perk of living with a college professor is that I could punt to him when I found myself stumped and mired in a response to one of her questions. He got the questions related to science, astronomy and bodily functions; I got the rest.

I feel that curiosity about the world and our lives is something that seems to diminish the further we are from our childhood. One of the things I do as a coach is to begin to ask questions with the hope that such queries will invite my client to gain some clarity about a problem, discover new approaches to a situation or launch themselves out of procrastination or confusion and into an action stage. Coaching questions often help a client to bypass the rational responses and provide me with information about their true feelings or dreams. There are many types of questions I may ask my clients to encourage them to create a greater possibility or new perspective. Below I have listed some of the questions from a coaching book "Coactive Coaching" by Laura Whitworth(you can read my comments on this book by accessing my website and clicking on My Book Picks). These can be:

Anticipation: What might happen if you....? What if that doesn't work as planned? What is your backup plan?

Assessment: What do you think is best? How do you feel about that?

Clarification: What do you mean? Can you tell me more about that? What do you want?

Evaluation: Is this a good thing? How does this fit with your plan? What is your assessment of this situation?

The other purpose of the questioning is for me to gain a greater understanding of what my client is experiencing. I seek information in order to be able to see things as much as I can, through their eyes. Questions that help me do this are:

Example: Can you give me an example of when that happened? What did that feel like for you?

Elaboration: Can you tell me more about that? Is there more? What other ideas do you have about that?

Fun as perspective: What was fun about that? How can you make this fun? What was humorous about that situation.

For instance: If you could do it over, what would you do differently? What would you say to someone else facing this situation? If you could do anything at all, what would it be?

As a coach I am not attached to a particular path or outcome for my client--this allows me to be curious and to help my client seek out meaning and discover more about themselves. Often the questions I pose allow a client to look deeper into themselves. In my work, I get to tap into my curiosity, just like a young child. I approach my clients from a place of wonder and sincere curiosity. I need to understand their thoughts, dreams and fears in order for me to understand how I can assist them in moving forward. This is what I love about my job!

Thought for the Day: Think about a goal you would like to work towards. As an exercise this week, pose a few of the questions listed above to yourself or ask a friend or family member to ask them of you with relation to that goal.

"If you do not ask the right questions, you do not get the right answers. A question asked in the right way often points to its own answer. Asking questions is the A-B-C of diagnosis. Only the inquiring mind solves problems." --Edward Hodnett