On the Move

To my loyal readers I offer an apology for my blog-absence. It has been a crazy month of moving. If you remember reading back in March, my husband and I took a quick trip back east during Spring break. During that visit we fell in love with a little place on a pond, took the plunge and became Cape Cod homeowners! When we arrived on the Cape in June we stayed in our usual place until we could get the new place ready. For the past several weeks I have been experiencing the unnatural lifecycle of a person on the move: sorting through, disconnecting, tossing out, packing up, relocating, unpacking, reconnecting and redistributing. Today the bedroom bureau arrives and then it will be official--we are moved in! Moved in for another month, that is. Come early August, we pack up the dogs, teenager and clothes and point the car southwest to begin the 2200 mile trek back to Texas.

What I have come to realize about myself over the past few weeks of unsettled living is that I can manage change pretty well, however, it's the limbo-life of living in two places at once that makes be a bit crazed. For the past few weeks we have been living in both places--staying the night in the new place after moving carloads of stuff over only to wake up and realize that, yes, I packed my toothpaste, but forgot my toothbrush...Yes, I remembered the dog dish but not the dog food...Brought the hair dryer but left the shampoo...and on and on. For several maddening days my husband and I played "Where Is It?" and "I Thought You Brought It."

By day four of the limbo move, I was in tears. I realize now that I was struggling with the stress of the transitional period. I was unable to control and manage the move. The process seemed overwhelming and endless. Each time I thought I was getting ahead, I would return to the old place and my eyes would alight on all that I had not completed. Now that the move is all over, the dust has settled, the boxes are emptied and I have had time to reflect back on the experience and wonder about what I could have done differently.

How would I have coached a client through this?
What did I lose sight of?
What was the lesson?

For starters, I realize that I was not a good enough coach for myself--I did not take time to deeply consider what the best steps would be both from the perspective of the actual packing as well as taking into account the psychological impact of the move on all family members. I lost sight of how such a move, even though it was a positive one, impacted my daughter as she approaches this upcoming year of transitions. Partway through this move, she tearfully explained her reluctance and told me about how the move is but one in a series of difficult transitions for her--once the school year begins she faces it in a new school, having left behind her friends and old school to investigate high school in new territory. The old cottage represented her the stable childhood summers--hanging out with friends and enjoying casual interactions with neighbors.

I believe my lesson was that the next time round this particular moving-tree, I will be sure to write out the steps in detail and involve my family members in the process of packing and talking about the process of leaving a much-loved environment. I will take the time to experience the moment--no matter how difficult--rather than crash through an unpleasant process just to get to the other side. I also choose to respond differently to the stress; I will choose to feel energized rather than overwhelmed. I will shift my thinking away from anxiety-focused worries and concerns and focus instead on all that I am accomplishing each and every hour.

So now you have the confessions of a life coach who wasn't able to sail smoothly through a difficult transition. Even better, you now have the lessons I learned after the process was over! May you arm yourself with these lessons on your next move!

Thought for the Day: What can I do to respond differently to a stressful situation this week? How can I approach the situation from a new angle in order to get different results?

"We are disturbed not by what happens to us, but, our thoughts about what happens to us." --Epicticus