Tuesday, January 22, 2008



Wag More, Bark Less

Sitting in traffic, while attempting to run several errands between clients, I noticed a small sign on the rear window of the car ahead of me. It was a timely message, particularly since I was beginning to feel my patience draining as I sat through a second round of lights while trying to navigate across a busy intersection. The sign offered a simple command: "Wag More, Bark Less." Even if I weren't a dog owner, I could understand the sentiment behind this zen-like statement. How many times in the past few days have you come across a person intent on baring his or her teeth, barking their needs? Have you, yourself, been caught up growling and snarling your demands over the past week?

I am a great student of the lessons my two Danes offer me and if you are a regular reader of this blog, you too, have learned some lessons from Zeebo and Suki. Dogs have a wonderful ability to communicate; they don't think twice about expressing what they feel. When Zeebo is happy, particularly when I say one of his most-loved words like "cookie," he jumps and leaps straight up in the air on his hind legs, coming eye-to-joyful-eye with me. When Suki is frightened about a noise, she crouches down with her tail tucked in tight between her legs and lays her ears back, flat against her bony skull. When Suki invites Zeebo to play, she wags her tail and smiles at him in the way only dogs can smile. My dogs rarely misread my cues and signals, so observant are they of my gestures and actions. Think about when you have been in the presence of a lovable, friendly dog. He conveyed his positive regard of you through his body language. He wagged his tail, looked adoringly into your eyes and perhaps offered up a paw for you to take or tried to give you a gentle lick of approval.

We are often not as gifted as our furry, four-legged friends at conveying our wishes or reading our fellow humans' cues or desires. Sometimes we "bark" when what is really needed at the time is a good "wag." Often we think that growling and complaining about what is not going right in our lives or relationships is the only way to draw attention to a problem. Or that they best way to convey our thoughts to another is by yipping and snapping with irritability. What I believe, and what I teach my clients, is that it is important to be able to express our thoughts and needs in a clear and authentic way in order for the message to be heard and internalized by another. Growling and snapping is most certainly one way to convey one's feelings and thoughts, but it is probably not the best way to secure love and affection if that is one's goal. When we are in the presence of another whose attitude is one of negativity, criticism and complaint, most of us want to move as far away from the grumbler as possible.

So how do you convey your thoughts and place yourself in a position to be more likely to receive what you want? You got it: Wag more. A human smile is the equivalent of a dog's tail wag (excerpted from "Dog's Never Lie About Love" by Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson). Dogs are not stingy with whom they bestow their wags upon and people, too, should not be stingy with their own expressions of affection, joy and happiness towards others. Wagging more means to acknowledge the abundance already present in your life. To wag more means to verbalize gratitude to those around you whom you care about and love. To wag means to be attentive toward another: listening to them and observing their body language. To wag means to allow playfulness and joy to wash over you on a daily basis.

Dogs appear to have an unlimited capacity for showing their love to humans and I believe the world as a whole would benefit if we were to emulate this one dog trait. So go let the dogs out, offer up a paw and give those around you a good wag today!

Thought for the Day: Wag more this week. Bark less. Experience how much better you feel and how differently those around you respond.

If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion or politics,
Then, my friend, you are almost as good as your dog.

Unknown Author

Tuesday, January 01, 2008



Reach For It

(The following is excerpted from my monthly newsletter. If you would like to subscribe and receive the ezine in your email, simply log on to my website and sign up.)

Today marks the first day of the new calendar year. This is the day folks around the world voice their declarations and resolutions for everything from achieving greater health to finding a new job. In case you don't recall, there are 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8700 hours, 525,600 minutes and a mind-boggling 31,536,000 seconds ahead of us before 2008 comes to a close. The birth of a new year offers us the opportunity to reflect on the past 12 months and look forward with hopefulness toward a fulfilling new one. In this month's issue I offer you some inspiration to help you plan and prepare to make 2008 your best year yet.

"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."

This quote appears on a wall hanging my stepdaughter gave me a few years back on my birthday. It hangs in the office where I see children, adolescents and their families. I love the gentle encouragement and optimism conveyed in the message and I refer to it often as I help kids sort out their goals for their future. This may be the month you, too, are beginning to sort out your own goals for the year ahead. And what better time to engage in this process as January is "National Reaching Your Potential Month." The magazine "Science of the Mind" notes that this month is dedicated to encouraging and motivating people of all ages toward a happier and fuller life by recognizing and reaching their full potential.

When I think about the word "potential" what often comes to mind is the work and school environment's use of the word as a measure of performance. Perhaps some of you can recall reading the dreaded phrase: "Not meeting his/her potential in class" in relation to your own or your child's report card. Too often the concept of potential seems to be one that is assessed by another person who provides the "potentialee" feedback as to how well they are plugging away at their career or relationship. Some folks have more than enough critics in the bleachers of life and not enough cheerleaders. And although we all benefit from feedback and another's perspective from time to time, this month I invite you to become your own best advocate and provide yourself the gift of self-encouragement and gentle urging to move forward toward the realization of your own personal goals this month and as the year unfolds.

The definition of the noun potential is "The inherent ability or capacity for growth, development, or coming into being." I love the last part of the definition "coming into being." This is what I believe our purpose here on this planet is--to evolve and come into being. To realize our inherent ability to become better adults, better partners or spouses, better parents, better citizens of our community and world. My definition of evolution is one of personal growth and improvement. It means we ask ourselves:

Where is my opportunity to grow and to improve my thoughts (today)? Perhaps this is the year you learn to meditate or carve out time each day for inspirational reading.

How can I improve my health (today)? Make this the year you schedule that physical exam you have been putting off. Give yourself the gift of movement 20-30 times each day. Not only will you feel better, but your thoughts will become clearer as well.

What can I do to improve my life and the lives of those around me (today)? In 2008 volunteer at your local shelter or school. Never underestimate the power of the smallest act of caring--you have the potential to turn a life around.

How can I treat myself with kindness and respect (today)? Make this the year you speak kindly to yourself and treat yourself with the respect you would bestow upon your most loved friend.

What can I do to encourage myself to strive (today)? Make this the year you sign up for the class you've been considering for some time. Encourage and support yourself as you step out of your comfort zone and into the space of creating a more fulfilling life.

Winston Churchill said "Continuous effort--not strength or intelligence--is the key to unlocking our potential." This means that each of us, no matter our educational background or physical abilities or limitations, can achieve a personally fulfilling life. Such achievement takes conscious attention, persistence and faith that you can create personal change. Use this month to implement a new plan for the year in which you celebrate your small steps and accomplishments on the way toward achieving your larger goals. Embrace each day as an opportunity to encourage and motivate yourself toward a happier and fuller life. Instead of nurturing your inner critic, take time each day to cultivate and acknowledge your evolving, and ever-improving, conscious self.

I wish you an abundant and fulfilling 2008 and I hope you will implement the suggestions above to help you reach your potential in the coming year!

"The greatest crime in the world is not developing your potential. When you do what you do best, you are helping not only yourself, but the world."
--Roger Williams