The Backbone's Connected To the...Ouch!

I have just returned from my first day at the gym in nearly a month. Yesterday I completed my second trip to rehab, err, I mean physical/therapy. My teenage daughter snarls when I use the word "rehab" as she doesn't want her friends to think I have joined up with Amy Winehouse et al. And the reason for my absence at the gym and new membership to Club P/T? Let's say it's an adverse reaction to great dane ownership. About a month back, I had the two dogs out for their walk and both became ecstatic over an opportunity to meet up with an approaching beagle. I tried feebly to contain their enthusiasm and soon found myself skidding along on my backside, doing my own version of stunt land-skiing for about a foot or so. Zeebo, the male dane, stopped and looked down at me, jowls a-flubber, as if to ask, "What are you doing down there?" Suki, the female, barely took notice of my awkward plight, and continued barking and howling at the now-past beagle. I hobbled the half-mile home, telling them both they were "horrible dogs" all the way, although I can't say they appeared to register any form of remorse. I crawled into bed with an icepack, ibuprofen and muscle relaxants within arms-reach for the next 72 hours. All seemed to be on the tender mend until last Monday when I sneezed while driving my daughter to school. I never once imagined that a simple sneeze could cause a lightning bolt to shoot up my spine. Once more, I limped into bed for a few hours with an icepack and gave in to the realization that it was time to see a doc.

One week after an MRI, xray and ingestion of some glorious steroids, I am that much closer to healing from a bulging disk at L5. With my doc and PT's permission, this afternoon I happily engaged in a 10 minute walk in the pool, plus an odd assortment of exercises with names like "dying bug" and "airplane." With careful attention I will be lacing up my running shoes and out on the trails once again.

This experience has been yet another opportunity for learning. Once again I have received a wake-up call to remind me that I do not possess superhuman strength (even though I may think so at times) and that it is probably an unwise decision for me to walk both canine giants at the same time. This experience has also been a lesson in patience. I realize that I have some difficulty in allowing the process of healing to occur on it's own time schedule. After a few days of incapacitation, I began to grumble and snap at my loved ones. Although I denied being irritable when my husband suggested such, I later had to admit that I did snip a bit. After weeks of not being able to exercise, my mood shifted into the sluggish, carbohydrate vs. sugar-craving doldrums. Like someone trying to kick a drug habit, I became aware of my uncomfortable withdrawal from my dependency on exercise-promoting endorphins running through my veins, bathing my brain with good feelings. And finally, having always been a self-sufficient person, it remains difficult for me to ask for assistance, even from those in my own household.

So I have had to force a shift in thinking, opening myself up to other ways to keep myself sane and happy while my body takes its own sweet time mending my back and me back to health. I realize I need to be conscious and grateful for the mobility I have, particularly with the knowledge that I am blessed to be told I will be able to return to my previous level of activity. Today I was grateful for my daughter accompanying me to the gym for the stroll in the pool. Since I have been a bit incapacitated, I am grateful for her helpfulness and attention, particularly since I know she will be off to college before I know it. Astonishingly, she even helped me grocery shop and unload the bags when we returned home. (It could be that her helpfulness had something to do with her being able to practice her driving skills in the process, but that's okay.) I am grateful for my husband's efforts to make dinner (thank goodness for instant taco mix) and to keep me entertained. Since I can't head out to the trails to run when I get home from work, I have been able to spend more time in mindful meditation and silent assessment of the workings of my breath. I have become more aware of the relaxation response that occurs through meditation and muscle relaxation. Not being able to run, I have been forced to slow down and increase my awareness of my environment. Sitting outside in the warm Spring sun this morning, I watched a pair of wrens prepare a nest for future family. I fed apples to our tortoise and watched the dogs play tag in the backyard.

Not that I would recommend a back injury to anyone, I am grateful for the opportunity to be aware of the incredible, ever-changing and healing machine I call my body. I am grateful to be aware of the love and generosity of my friends and family when I am down. And, yes, I am even grateful for the exuberant, clumsy dogs in my life, because without them this might have been a lesson lost.

Thought for the Day: If you are a person experiencing physical or emotional discomfort, what can you do to shift your thoughts toward a place of learning?

If we are too busy, if we are carried away every day by our projects, our uncertainty, our craving, how can we have the time to stop and look deeply into the situation-our own situation, the situation of our beloved one, the situation of our family and of our community, and the situation of our nation and of the other nations?

~ Thich Nhat Hanh