Taking Care of Mom

This Sunday we celebrate our moms, stepmoms, surragate moms, adoptive moms, and wish-you-were-my moms. It's the weekend which strikes fear in some family members' hearts as they scurry about, pulling together last-minute gifts, ordering flowers and begging restaurant hosts and hostesses to "please find one more table" for the Mother's Day brunch. Mom's Day is also tinged with a bit of sadness because my own mom is not here to share the day with me. My mom died 8 years ago on May 16, one month shy of her 80th birthday, after a two year battle with non-Hodgkins lymphoma. I remember feeling helpless as I watched her body being consumed by the cancer; the haunting reality of my own impotence with regard to being able to change her outcome painfully evident. I remember sitting with my daughter, stepdaughter and husband at an outdoor cafe on Mother's Day that year, the week before my mom died, trying to imagine what the future would look like without her in my life. I remember feeling so sad, empty, and lost during that year and for many years to follow. Now it has been nearly a decade and, although I still miss her and would give anything to hear her voice again and feel her touch, I realize I am able to go on despite her absence.

One of the many lessons her death has taught me is a greater appreciation for life itself. I believe that following my parents' death (my father had died a few months before my mom) I began to take the first steps toward enhancing my own career and personal life by becoming a life coach. As a result of that incredibly painful year of loss, I now embrace life more fully and with greater passion. In my work as a coach, I encourage others to do the same--not simply to be satisfied with watching and waiting and wondering if now is the right time, because believe me, NOW is the right time to jump into your life with both feet!

Besides stretching myself beyond my comfort zone and experiencing new things in life, I also take steps to be conscious of my physical health. A personal tradition I have implemented over the past eight years is that I get a complete physical as a gift to myself and my family. I try to remember to schedule my exams around my birthday in January, but sometimes recovery from the holidays takes precedence. If I don't make it in during January then I schedule the appointments around Mother's Day. Taking care of myself, both emotionally and physically, is the best way to show my loved ones I care about them AND me.

As a mom I feel it is important to teach my daughters how to care for their bodies and promote a healthy lifestyle. They will have this foundation of health to build on long after I am gone and my hope is that one day both will pass these values onto their own daughters and sons. Last month I joined the same gym my stepdaughter frequents so now we are able to meet once or twice a week to workout together--we cheer each other on as we sweat through a tough workout and revel in our accomplishment later on in the steamroom. Recently my teenage daughter has joined me at the gym as well. I am teaching her how to use the machines and we "spot" each other on weights. Yesterday I received a reminder call from my stepdaughter, who is also my Bosom Buddy, to do a breast exam. I am so thankful she is there looking after me and reminding me to take care of myself and also proud that she has internalized the health values I embrace.

Taking care of oneself physically is a concrete way to embrace life. In becoming knowledgeable about your health, you become proactive, rather than reactive, with regard to your body and its needs. I realize many women and men avoid physical exams because they are unpleasant, uncomfortable, or inconvenient--stop the excuses and make the call! Set the appointment and give yourself the ultimate gift of self-care. Do it for yourself, do it to honor your own mom, do it for your partner, spouse, sons and daughters.

On this Mother's Day weekend, I wish you all a very happy day, whether you are a mother or not. Most of all I wish you a weekend of jumping into your life with both feet and taking great strides toward ownership of your own health!

"It is the wise mother who gives her child roots and wings." --Chinese proverb

Thought for the Day: Schedule your health-check this week and become proactive with regard to your health. What can you do this week to set an example of self care in order to teach the importance of health to your loved ones?