I've just returned from an ever, exciting walk-tangle-stumble with my big-guy Dane, Zeebo, and four month-old little Dane, Suki. Today marked our 8th group-walk on the trail. Zeebo, being a mature and stately 2 year old, tried to maintain a restrained, but curious, approach to the smells and scents on the trail, while Suki was a wiggle-bum and skirted from right to left and back and forth across the trail and into the woods, soaking it all in with enthusiastic snorts. My role was a multifaceted one of ringmaster, puppeteer, choreographer and pooper-scooper. On each outing I try to keep their eight paws and my two feet from hopeless entanglement in the leashes which sometimes leaves me performing arabesques and fancy spins (thanks to the salsa lessons--see previous post "Salsa in San Antonio") in a split second.
Although I have written previous posts about my adventures with and observations of my dogs, they continually provide me with ideas and examples of how to embrace and experience my own life. At the beginning of our walk, Zeebo's attitude reminded me of how we sometimes drift into a blase state of mind--perhaps taking the gifts of the day for granted or allowing little things (in his case the puppy) to interfere with and dampen our enthusiasm. Sometimes we allow those little irritants which can surface over the course of a day sour our mood and morph into anger and irritability. In my coaching and clinical practice I encourage my clients to let the little things slide off of them as if they were made of Teflon rather than Velcro. Too often people hold onto slights, hurts and smoldering anger rather than strive to reach a place of resolution, forgiveness and compassion. When we hold onto those hurts and perceived trespasses, we run the risk of becoming hardened, bitter, angry and lonely individuals.
Is that the reason we are here walking the earth right now?
Does this type of emotional bondage allow us to fully experience life and relationships?
The answer, I hope, is obvious. In order for us to live fully and experience love and relationships deeply, compassion and kindness should be our modus operandi. In his book, Learned Optimism, psychologist Martin Seligman writes about the power of an optimistic outlook on our health, immune system, even life expectancy. Optimism is not simply making positive self-statements throughout the course of the day, but rather what you say to yourself when you experience setbacks or disappointments. Seligman proposes that our approach and attitude toward life is within our control and centers on two principles: learned helplessness and explanatory style.
Learned helplessness refers to "giving up" in the face of adversity. It is the feeling which some folks experience that much of life is beyond their control and that whatever they may do is not going to matter.
Explanatory style is the manner in which you explain to yourself why events happen. This style can be either full of pessimism (thus fueling the fire for learned helplessness) or full of optimism and hope. A positive, optimistic explanatory style energizes and encourages you through and beyond setbacks.
So how does this relate to a walk with the dogs, you ask? Over the past couple of weeks, Zeebo has had to adjust to walking with the energetic puppy cavorting at his side and under his paws. He sometimes appears annoyed and irritated by her random darting and stop-starting, which interferes with his pace and focus. She frequently cuts him off with her leash just as he is about to sniff a particularly tantalizing shrub. Often she wriggles her way between his front legs to join him as he snuffles through the leaves.
This morning, Zeebo could have approached the walk with Suki from a place of learned helplessness. He could have hung his head in true hang-dog fashion during the entire walk and participated listlessly in the goings-on because he was annoyed with Suki's presence and attention-seeking behavior. What I noticed was at about the halfway mark of the walk he seemed to switch into a different attitude: he perked up his tail and ears while Suki trotted clumsily alongside him. By the time we reached the three-quarter point of the walk, Zeebo played tug of war with her over twigs and sticks they discovered along the trail. His mood appeared to have shifted from disappointment to acceptance. His happy play seemed to say, "Okay, let's make the best of this and have a good time!" By the time we made it through the door, they were both exhausted with tongues hanging, ready for a mid-morning nap to recuperate from their rambunctious wrestling and "fast-dog" racing. If only we could all change our attitude and outlook to one of acceptance and embrace situations with expectancy and optimism over the course of minutes! I am grateful for yet another opportunity to learn about life from my furry housemates.
Thought for the Day: Pay attention to your own self-talk this week with regard to setbacks or disappointments. Are you approaching such situations from a place of optimism or learned-helplessness? What can you do to shift yourself into optimism?
The optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose. --Kahlil Gibran
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