This post comes a few days early as tomorrow morning, dark and early, my husband and I will board an east-bound plane and jet on over to the beautiful city of Boston for a 2-hour drive down to Cape Cod. This is a spur of the moment weekend getaway and, am I psyched! My husband has taught a course at one of the research institutes in Woods Hole for nearly 20 years and the quaint New England town has become a home away from home for me and my family each summer. Woods Hole is a postage-sized village with not much more to offer tourists than a t-shirt shop, a few restaurants, a post office and a couple of ice cream shops. It has a drawbridge in the center of town which goes up each hour during the day to let the boats out of Eel Pond (yes, there are eels) and out to the Hole. Most people who have come to the Cape are familiar with Woods Hole because it is the boarding point for the ferry to Martha's Vineyard.
Each year just as soon as we tearfully pull away from our rental cottage in August, I begin counting down the days til we impersonate the Beverly Hillbillies and load the car with luggage, kid, dogs and bikes to make our pilgrimage to the Cape in June. Woods Hole is one of those magical, timeless places that has provided a safe harbor for me and my family over the years of transition and life passages: new jobs, new baby, moving from California to Texas, and healing from loss. I look to Woods Hole as a place of soul-healing and rejuvination.
Summer marks a huge chunk of "Me Time" as well as family time. I pick vegetables with my friend, Victoria, at the organic farm, make strawberry jam back home at the cottage and scour the beach in the morning with the dog hunting for the summer's collection of seaglass. At night my family and I participate in activities in town or play boardgames by candlelight or read through the stacks of books we have hoarded all winter in anticipation of the down-time of summer. I drift off to sleep at night serenaded by the low moan from Nobska Lighthouse, warning the boats of the partially submerged jagged rocks. I have made what I hope to be life-long friends there. On our great runs through Beebe Woods and along the Shining Path Bikeway, Robin, Beth and I have used the roads and paths to share triumphs, sift through difficulties, solicit advice and share tears and laughter as we pound out the miles in unison. I savor each and every day in our little Village.
In this month's issue of Health Magazine, a poll of readers indicated 98% of women believe "Me Time" is essential to their health but most said they can't find it--much less use it. I am not surprised by this finding as most of my coaching clients either complain they don't have time for themselves or feel guilty for taking time for themselves from their family. So many women focus on fulfilling every obligation and commitment to everyone else but themselves. What I gently point out to my clients is:
1) It's okay to be selfish. I am not referring to "ME-ME-ME! and only ME!" kind of selfish. Rather, I encourage my clients to take care of themselves first. Kind of like the financial advice of "pay yourself first." An article in Health opens with an example of when the flight attendants warn that if you are traveling with kids and the cabin loses pressure causing the little yellow masks drop down, you are to place your own mask on your face FIRST, then focus on the kids. You won't be much good to the kids if you are unconscious in the aisles, right? You need to care for yourself in order to maintain your physical and psychological health.
2) No matter what you do, it will never be enough. Got that? There will always be a need that someone will want you to fulfill. Get in the habit of saying "Yes" to the things you want to say "Yes" to and "No" to everything else. This is incredibly hard for some people, but unless you assert yourself and your own needs, you will continue to feel overwhelmed, out of control and exhausted.
3) Change your attitude regarding the "Me Time" and think of it as your job. You don't question whether to go to work (unless you are unhappy there too--yet another reason to hire a life coach!) because it is a habit that has been reinforced over time. Think about taking care of your own needs with the same attitude and commitment. Go to the gym on a regular basis, take an extra 15 minutes and enjoy a cup of tea, go to a movie, take a long soak in the tub, attend a yoga class...Whatever it is, just do it--your body depends on it and you will be a better partner, friend, parent and coworker because of it!
The above suggestions are but a handful of tips to create your "Me Time." There are plenty of other ways to ensure your time. The biggest step is to assert your own needs. Honor yourself and honor your needs. You will be a healthier and happier person for it.
So tomorrow I am leaving on a jet plane to get a sneak peek at my exquisite summer "Me Time"-land with my hubby. I've already packed the book and my running shoes--tomorrow night by this time I will be scrunching cold sand between my toes, feeling the sea breeze on my skin while cuddling with my guy, listening to that fog horn blow! I can't wait!
Think About It: Look at the three suggestions above and apply at least one of them to your own life this week. Just think of how good you will feel when you prioritize yourself!
"I need to take an emotional breath, step back and remind myself who's actually in charge of my life." --Judith Knowlton
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