Mother's Day Revisited

Happy Belated Mother's Day to all you moms, grandmas, stepmoms, soon-to-be moms, and someday moms! This year's Mother's Day was to be an unusual one as our family planned to spend the weekend celebrating my nephew's wedding in NM. The day before we were to leave one of our Danes became suddenly ill with fever. I teased my husband that Zeebo, the dog, suddenly grasped the meaning of "Rob Carey" (the kennel) and decided that he wanted no part of that experience--similar to when our daughter feigns illness to get out of a geography test. After a visit to the vet on Thursday with a fevered dog, and armed with a handful of antibiotics and a new dog-only thermometer, I settled in on the couch for a long weekend of catching up on reruns of Oprah and chick-flicks while the rest of the clan headed to Albuquerque to enjoy the wedding.

It was a strange weekend alone with the dogs. As usual I spent time reflecting on my Mom (who passed away nine years ago) and I reminisced about a few of my fondest Mother's Day experiences with her and my Dad. I thought about my own experience of becoming a Mom: first to my now-adult stepkids and later, to my own birth-daughter. While running in the park yesterday my mind hit the rewind button and 20 years of learning-to-be-a-Mom experiences danced in my mind: giving up the battle over whether eggplant belonged on pizza; learning how to wash boys' T-shirts so they wouldn't shrink; juggling doctor and orthodontist appointments along with graduate school studies; purchasing tutus and pink tights for ballet class; kissing bumps and bruises "all better" and making my lap and ears available whenever needed.

As I ran past young families I smiled and said "Happy Mother's Day" to women walking or riding bikes with their kids. Without my own family with me yesterday I felt a bit like George in "It's A Wonderful Life" when Clarence, the angel, provided him a glimpse of what his life would have been like without his family. I thought about all the experiences I have been witness to and ways I have been stretched to become the woman I am today through the evolutionary process of becoming a Mom. I tried to imagine life without my kids ever being a part of me and I struggled to hold onto the thought.

- Yes, there were times when I was tired and grumpy from lack of sleep when my daughter was young.

- Absolutely, there are times I felt that I wanted nothing more than to be alone without the noise and shouts of kids.

- Yes, I still dislike grocery shopping, particularly when everyone is in town and I need two shopping carts just to get through the weekend.

- Yes, I would rather not battle with a teenager about the importance of picking up one's room ever again.

But no, if the only way to cancel out the statements above were to not become a Mom at all, then I would decline in a heartbeat. My Mother's Day weekend with the dogs allowed me space to contemplate and tap into the gratitude I feel about being part of a family unit who calls me Mom. As I ran, two decades of memories filtered through my mind as I worked my way through the trees on the trail. I recalled giving my youngest stepson a piggy-back ride in a park in Berkeley--I saw his beaming smile as I lifted him up into the air. In my mind's eye I stroked the 13 year old seasick brow of my oldest stepson as he rested in my lap on our return from a day of fishing on the Bay with my Dad. I recalled comforting my then teenage stepdaughter on a summer night after her first experience of heartbreak. I felt the ghost-memory of the lank weight of my sleepy toddler as I lifted her out of her carseat and felt her warm breath moisten my neck. I thought about the lessons my kids have provided me on acceptance of myself and how to love others. I think about how my kids have encouraged me and pushed me to become a better individual and positive role model for what it means to be a woman and mother in today's society. When I returned home, sweaty and fatigued from my run, a flower arrangement had been delivered to the doorstep. I smiled as I opened the card which read simply: "Happy Mother's Day, Mom. Love, your kids." Simply put, it was one of the best gifts yet.

I hope your day was spent, if not in the company of your children, then at least in the company of appreicative memories for how they have touched your life and helped you to evolve into the woman you are today.

Thought for the Day: Reflect on the woman or women who have played a mother figure in your life, offering guidance, support and encouragement. Take a moment to send an email, make a phone call or send a silent thought of thanks for how she influenced your life. Reflect on how you have evolved into the person who are today because of her influence and think upon how you have influenced a child to become his or her best.

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before.
The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new."
--Rajneesh