Granting Wishes

I just bid a fond farewell to my daughter and husband as they are on their way to a flight to Dallas to see my daughter's favorite singer, Ben Kweller. She was so excited she could barely stand still and I believe her excited energy will help the plane get there before it's scheduled arrival time. The two are having a fairly rare father/daughter bonding experience and I couldn't be happier for them! My husband, who is not a die-hard concert fan, surprised our teenager by offering to take her to see the show. She has been talking about this particular show for at least three months and because she has done really well in school and also because they will make it back tomorrow morning in time for first period, he thought it might be nice to (1) reward her and (2) place himself in an environment to see up close and personal where her music taste will take him. Both of us are acutely aware of the calendar speeding toward the year of her graduation from high school and we realize we have a finite number of experiences left before she is off to college. All day she kept exclaiming how she can't believe her dad is doing this...how surprised and happy she is about this opportunity...how she is looking forward to spending the time alone with her dad. Having three older, now adult, siblings who share a different kind of relationship with their dad than her, she sometimes expresses the feeling that her dad doesn't take time to get to know her or doesn't want to share in her interests. But an hour ago, each of them had a gleam in their eye as they hugged me goodbye: my husband was pleased to be doing something that meant a great deal to our teen and our daughter was thrilled that her dad was really stepping out of his comfort zone to take her to a performance by her absolute favorite singer. This evening, both are in for a memory of a lifetime!

Having someone grant a wish for you is a wonderful experience. It is amazing to have someone care about you so deeply that they take the time to share an interest with you or do something for you that you have been unable to do on your own. Recently I was given an incredible gift by a colleague--it was something completely unexpected and out of the blue and I will forever refer to this kind woman as my personal angel. When she gave me her gift, she revealed to me her trust and her confidence in my professional abilities. Her personal generosity and kindness moved me to tears. It is an incredible feeling to have a mentor take you underwing and "show you the ropes" and I am honored and privileged to have been chosen.

Being the person to grant the wish is incredible as well. Having been on both sides, I can honestly say that I am not sure which side feels better. As you have read in previous blogs, I am training for a triathlon in May with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training. I am raising funds to be made available to local families who have been touched by blood cancers. The Society offers a wide range of services to families to help ease their burden and provide them with respite or outings. Our first grader team hero, Andrew Post, was diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia in October 2005. He is currently in remission and often joins us, along with his family, at the weekly track practices. It fills me with joy and pride to know that I am doing something to benefit him and other children like him in San Antonio through my fundraising efforts.

Stanford psychologists found that the kindness effect is no myth. Subjects who performed five acts of kindness per week over six weeks reported higher levels of happiness than those who performed five acts of kindness in one day. The Stanford psychologists found that good deeds are actually the direct cause of an increase in personal well-being. Author, Allan Luks states in his book "The Healing Power of Doing Good: The Health and Spiritual Benefits of Helping Others," that adopting an altruistic lifestyle is a critical component to mental and physical health and helping others can diminish the effects of some psychological and physical disorders. Acts of kindness provide:

A heightened sense of well being
A sense of exhilaration and euphoria
An increase in energy
A feeling of being healthy
Decreased feelings of loneliness, depression and helplessness
A sense of connectedness with others
A greater sense of calmness and relaxation
Increased longevity
Better weight control
An improvement in insomnia
A stronger immune system
A reduction in pain
Increased body warmth
A healthier cardiovascular system (reduction of high blood pressure, improved circulation, reduced coronary disease)
A reduction of excessive stomach acid
A decrease of oxygen requirement
Relief from arthritis and asthma
Speedier recovery from surgery
Reduced cancer activity

So the bottom line is that not only will you benefit psychologically from being kind and compassionate, but your health will improve as well!

How Does It Work?
Dr Herbert Benson, a Harvard cardiologist and author of "The Relaxation Response" states that when we help others it allows us to 'forget one's self'. Another reason is that when we carry out an act of kindness, our body rewards us by creating a 'feel good' sensation, which boosts self esteem and well being. This experience has been termed the helper's high. The response is triggered when the body manufactures chemicals called endorphins. These endorphins are naturally occurring morphine-like substances that create a feeling of bliss within us. In addition to creating a feel good experience, they also help to reduce the intensity of any pain messages being sent to the brain.

The Ripple Effect
When you choose to become a kinder person, you are not only improving the well being and health of yourself but also those you come into contact with. Your kindness has a ripple effect. It has the magical ability of causing even those who have witnessed the act to spontaneously feel good. When you make the decision to be a kinder person, you are effectively bringing about positive social change. Author Allan Luks states, "The new knowledge about [the beneficial effects of] helping others holds the power to affect not only the health of the individual, but the health of our entire, tension-ridden society". When we act kindly, others are nicer to us in return. Those who witness altruism pass it on to others. So this year start the wheels in motion, and as my friend says "BE THE CHANGE!"

Thought for the Day: What is it you can do to "pay it forward" today, this week or this year? What can you do to make someone's day?

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single minute before starting to improve the world." --Anne Frank

Laugh Til It Hurts So Good

The other night I met my husband, daughter and stepdaughter for dinner after the track workout for Team in Training. Famished from "hot potato" drills, where we ran for one minute taking fast, little steps, focusing on increasing our cadence, interspersed with 200s, and repeating the two drills for an hour, I convinced the family to meet me at a local Tex-Mex place for some fajitas and compuestas. While we caught up on the day's and week's events, somehow my teenage daughter brought up our fairly recent family portrait and, using her latest favorite word, described it as "awkward." If you don't have a teen in your household, please understand that "awkward" in teen lingo can be used to describe situations, conversations, interactions, parent blunders and faux pas, and just about anything that can be interpreted by the teen as not quite right. My stepdaughter whipped out her wallet sized pic and we began inspecting it. For some reason, picture taking opportunities bring out the frozen zombie smile in the Martinez family. Whip out a camera and my normal looking brood with bodies that move with fluidity transforms before the camera lens into a family that could be the poster-family for cryonics. Soon we were laughing hysterically over the pics and reminiscing about other classic Kodak moments where the developed film revealed expressions we didn't know we had. We were laughing and playfully teasing each other so loudly that nearby table patrons turned with smiles to take in our fun. I laughed so hard, tears were springing from my eyes and my sides hurt. I begged my daughter to stop so I could catch my breath and give my stomach muscles a rest--how great it felt to be laughing with my family!

I think laughter is something we forget to do on a daily basis and what a shame that is that we don't allow ourselves a great belly laugh each day. We all know how easy it is to become bogged down and inundated by the depressing news which batters at us each day from the television and news reports. As a psychologist I know that the emotions and moods we experience directly effect our immune system. A sense of humor allows us to perceive and appreciate the incongruities of life and provides moments of joy and delight. Positive emotions can create neurochemical changes that will buffer the immunosuppressive effects of diseases and stress. Studies have shown that laughing lowers blood pressure, reduces stress hormones, increases muscle flexion, and boosts immune function by raising levels of infection-fighting T-cells, disease-fighting proteins called Gamma-interferon and B-cells, which produce disease-destroying antibodies. Laughter also triggers the release of endorphins, the body's natural painkillers, and produces a general sense of well-being.

Earlier in the month Gina Kemp, M.A., and Cara Rosellini wrote a fantastic article which appeared on healthguide.org about the multitude of benefits stemming from laughter. Below I have summarized the article, but I encourage you to link over to it to read it in full.

Laughters Effects on the Body:

Laughter activates the chemistry of the will to live and increases our capacity to fight disease. Laughing relaxes the body and reduces problems associated with high blood pressure, strokes, arthritis, and ulcers. Some research suggests that laughter may also reduce the risk of heart disease. Historically, research has shown that distressing emotions (depression, anger, anxiety, and stress) are all related to heart disease. A study done at the University of Maryland Medical Center suggests that a good sense of humor and the ability to laugh at stressful situations helps mitigate the damaging physical effects of distressing emotions.

Laughter lowers blood pressure. People who laugh heartily on a regular basis have lower standing blood pressure than the average person. When people have a good laugh, initially the blood pressure increases, but then it decreases to levels below normal. Breathing then becomes deeper which sends oxygen enriched blood and nutrients throughout the body.

Humor changes our biochemical state. Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases infection fighting antibodies. It increases our attentiveness, heart rate, and pulse.

Laughter protects the heart. Laughter, along with an active sense of humor, may help protect you against a heart attack, according to the study at the University of Maryland Medical Center (cited above). The study, which is the first to indicate that laughter may help prevent heart disease, found that people with heart disease were 40 percent less likely to laugh in a variety of situations compared to people of the same age without heart disease.

Laughter gives our bodies a good workout. Laughter can be a great workout for your diaphragm, abdominal, respiratory, facial, leg, and back muscles. It massages abdominal organs, tones intestinal functioning, and strengthens the muscles that hold the abdominal organs in place. Not only does laughter give your midsection a workout, it can benefit digestion and absorption functioning as well. It is estimated that hearty laughter can burn calories equivalent to several minutes on the rowing machine or the exercise bike.

Laughter and Mental Health:

Humor improves brain function and relieves stress. Laughter stimulates both sides of the brain to enhance learning. It eases muscle tension and psychological stress, which keeps the brain alert and allows people to retain more information.

Humor is a powerful emotional medicine that can lower stress, dissolve anger and unite families in troubled times. Mood is elevated by striving to find humor in difficult and frustrating situations. Laughing at ourselves and the situation helps reveal that small things are not the earth-shaking events they sometimes seem to be. Looking at a problem from a different perspective can make it seem less formidable and provide opportunities for greater objectivity and insight. Humor also helps us avoid loneliness by connecting with others who are attracted to genuine cheerfulness. And the good feeling that we get when we laugh can remain with us as an internal experience even after the laughter subsides.


Social Benefits of Laughter:

Our work, marriage and family all need humor, celebrations, play and ritual as much as record-keeping and problem-solving. We should ask the questions "Do we laugh together?" as well as "Can we get through this hardship together?" Humor binds us together, lightens our burdens and helps us keep things in perspective. One of the things that saps our energy is the time, focus and effort we put into coping with life's problems including each other's limitations. Our families, our friends and our neighbors are not perfect and neither are our marriages, our kids or our in-laws. When we laugh together, it can bind us closer together instead of pulling us apart.
Remember that even in the most difficult of times, a laugh, or even simply a smile, can go a long way in helping us feel better.

So now you have some food for thought and hopefully this will inspire you to make room for a chuckle or guffaw in your daily routine. Think about this: there are no negative side effects to a great laugh!

Thought for the Day: What can I do to invite more laughter into my daily life? Some suggestions: subscribe to a feed with daily jokes, subscribe to happynews.com, rent a comedy to watch tonight. Just do something to lighten your load and help your health--all it takes is a few good laughs a day.

I've always thought that a big laugh is a really loud noise from the soul saying, "Ain't that the truth." ~Quincy Jones

Taking the Plunge

As I drove, bleary-eyed, to the pool this morning at 5:30 am, I must admit that I spent a number of minutes wondering what I was doing out on this dark, foggy soup of a morning instead of curled up in my warm bed putting the finishing touches on a dream or two before my usual morning alarm-time. A couple of weeks back I signed up to participate in the Lymphoma and Leukemia Society's Team in Training and I plan to participate in the Capital of Texas Triathlon in May. (See side-bar for more info about the program.) So for the past couple of weeks I have been training my body to get up off the couch and instead, run, ride or swim at various points during the week. This morning was the first 6 am swim I did with my group members. Given that I am not an early-bird by nature, this was quite an endeavor for me. Rather than focus on how tired and uncomfortable and cold I was, I focused instead on how I am benefiting families in San Antonio who are living with blood cancers through my fundraising efforts. It definitely helped to focus on the bigger picture while standing at the edge of the pool, shivering and contemplating whether anyone would notice if I slipped out the door and back into my warm car.

Once I finally got into the pool and fell into the rhythm of the strokes, my mind shifted to thoughts about how the act of getting in the pool and swimming is a lot like life in general. Learning to swim with confidence is very much like learning to live one's life with confidence and purposefulness. Any decision to create change in one's life requires a shift in thinking and this is analogous to mustering up the courage to jump into the water. Typically, we spend some time dabbling our toes in the baby pool and learning what we can there: building confidence and alleviating anxiety (especially when you open your eyes under water and realize there are no sharks or monsters in the baby pool). You may even learn to relax and float in the safe confines of the baby pool. Eventually, though, we become aware of the big pool along-side our little pool and we realize that it's time to move on, to challenge ourselves to learn something new. In making this transition, some folks take it easy; they climb down the ladder one rung at a time, allowing their body to register and adjust to the temperature, until their feet are on the floor of the pool. Others enter with a mighty splash or cannonball; they leap into the depths with unabashed enthusiasm and joy, regardless of whether the water is heated or not. Still others may sit on the edge of the pool, then when the time is right, slide into the water gently and begin to swim, without their feet ever touching the ground, almost as if they were waiting for the best opportunity to show their stuff in the larger environment.

In working out with the Team in Training coaches, we, the participants, learn to break down the stroke to smaller pieces. We swim laps isolating various parts of our bodies, consciously attending to the position of our elbows, hands, head and belly button. We learn how to slice through the water like slick porpoises instead of weighted-down barges. We learn to slow our breath and lengthen our stroke across the pool. We learn to trust our bodies in the water and use our muscles with the greatest efficiency, conserving energy for the upcoming events, the bike and run.

As I think about these isolation drills, it reminds me of the similar drills we need to employ when we are trying to create change in our life: whether that be trying to change our eating habits to lose weight, or reduce our stress reactions, or take steps to improve communication skills with others. No matter what you are trying to change, it requires conscious attention to the "parts" and experimenting with change to see what happens. It's about educating yourself about what will help you "move through the water" with efficiency and confidence. Most of all it is about practice and teaching your body and mind to embrace the new skill as a new part of you. The practice period is what biofeedback is all about as well. Biofeedback is a treatment technique in which people are trained to improve their health by using signals from their own bodies. When teaching biofeedback to my clients, I help tense and anxious clients learn to relax their bodies and become aware of the physical cues that signal them that they are feeling stress or tension in their bodies. Our behavior, thoughts and feelings profoundly affect our health and by increasing our awareness, we are able to create change. When a client learns that she can change a habit through the technique of biofeedback, or psychotherapy or coaching, her confidence builds and she is ready to take the plunge!

Thought for the Day: Are you still hanging out in the baby pool? Are you ready to learn some new techniques and swim in the possibilities? What can you practice this week that will help you gain mastery and move yourself forward?

Don't wait for your ship to come in - swim out to it. ~Author Unknown