Granting Wishes

I just bid a fond farewell to my daughter and husband as they are on their way to a flight to Dallas to see my daughter's favorite singer, Ben Kweller. She was so excited she could barely stand still and I believe her excited energy will help the plane get there before it's scheduled arrival time. The two are having a fairly rare father/daughter bonding experience and I couldn't be happier for them! My husband, who is not a die-hard concert fan, surprised our teenager by offering to take her to see the show. She has been talking about this particular show for at least three months and because she has done really well in school and also because they will make it back tomorrow morning in time for first period, he thought it might be nice to (1) reward her and (2) place himself in an environment to see up close and personal where her music taste will take him. Both of us are acutely aware of the calendar speeding toward the year of her graduation from high school and we realize we have a finite number of experiences left before she is off to college. All day she kept exclaiming how she can't believe her dad is doing this...how surprised and happy she is about this opportunity...how she is looking forward to spending the time alone with her dad. Having three older, now adult, siblings who share a different kind of relationship with their dad than her, she sometimes expresses the feeling that her dad doesn't take time to get to know her or doesn't want to share in her interests. But an hour ago, each of them had a gleam in their eye as they hugged me goodbye: my husband was pleased to be doing something that meant a great deal to our teen and our daughter was thrilled that her dad was really stepping out of his comfort zone to take her to a performance by her absolute favorite singer. This evening, both are in for a memory of a lifetime!

Having someone grant a wish for you is a wonderful experience. It is amazing to have someone care about you so deeply that they take the time to share an interest with you or do something for you that you have been unable to do on your own. Recently I was given an incredible gift by a colleague--it was something completely unexpected and out of the blue and I will forever refer to this kind woman as my personal angel. When she gave me her gift, she revealed to me her trust and her confidence in my professional abilities. Her personal generosity and kindness moved me to tears. It is an incredible feeling to have a mentor take you underwing and "show you the ropes" and I am honored and privileged to have been chosen.

Being the person to grant the wish is incredible as well. Having been on both sides, I can honestly say that I am not sure which side feels better. As you have read in previous blogs, I am training for a triathlon in May with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training. I am raising funds to be made available to local families who have been touched by blood cancers. The Society offers a wide range of services to families to help ease their burden and provide them with respite or outings. Our first grader team hero, Andrew Post, was diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia in October 2005. He is currently in remission and often joins us, along with his family, at the weekly track practices. It fills me with joy and pride to know that I am doing something to benefit him and other children like him in San Antonio through my fundraising efforts.

Stanford psychologists found that the kindness effect is no myth. Subjects who performed five acts of kindness per week over six weeks reported higher levels of happiness than those who performed five acts of kindness in one day. The Stanford psychologists found that good deeds are actually the direct cause of an increase in personal well-being. Author, Allan Luks states in his book "The Healing Power of Doing Good: The Health and Spiritual Benefits of Helping Others," that adopting an altruistic lifestyle is a critical component to mental and physical health and helping others can diminish the effects of some psychological and physical disorders. Acts of kindness provide:

A heightened sense of well being
A sense of exhilaration and euphoria
An increase in energy
A feeling of being healthy
Decreased feelings of loneliness, depression and helplessness
A sense of connectedness with others
A greater sense of calmness and relaxation
Increased longevity
Better weight control
An improvement in insomnia
A stronger immune system
A reduction in pain
Increased body warmth
A healthier cardiovascular system (reduction of high blood pressure, improved circulation, reduced coronary disease)
A reduction of excessive stomach acid
A decrease of oxygen requirement
Relief from arthritis and asthma
Speedier recovery from surgery
Reduced cancer activity

So the bottom line is that not only will you benefit psychologically from being kind and compassionate, but your health will improve as well!

How Does It Work?
Dr Herbert Benson, a Harvard cardiologist and author of "The Relaxation Response" states that when we help others it allows us to 'forget one's self'. Another reason is that when we carry out an act of kindness, our body rewards us by creating a 'feel good' sensation, which boosts self esteem and well being. This experience has been termed the helper's high. The response is triggered when the body manufactures chemicals called endorphins. These endorphins are naturally occurring morphine-like substances that create a feeling of bliss within us. In addition to creating a feel good experience, they also help to reduce the intensity of any pain messages being sent to the brain.

The Ripple Effect
When you choose to become a kinder person, you are not only improving the well being and health of yourself but also those you come into contact with. Your kindness has a ripple effect. It has the magical ability of causing even those who have witnessed the act to spontaneously feel good. When you make the decision to be a kinder person, you are effectively bringing about positive social change. Author Allan Luks states, "The new knowledge about [the beneficial effects of] helping others holds the power to affect not only the health of the individual, but the health of our entire, tension-ridden society". When we act kindly, others are nicer to us in return. Those who witness altruism pass it on to others. So this year start the wheels in motion, and as my friend says "BE THE CHANGE!"

Thought for the Day: What is it you can do to "pay it forward" today, this week or this year? What can you do to make someone's day?

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single minute before starting to improve the world." --Anne Frank