Recently I have been feeling a bit down in the dumps. It's been a series of weeks where I couldn't quite put a finger on a reason--just a string of feelings that didn't quite add up to an all-out cryfest, but instead a feeling of blah-malaise. Recently I made the connection that my down in the dumps feeling stems from the culmination of a bunch of things coming together like the wind and waves in the movie "The Perfect Storm." In my case the bottom line elements are aging: (1) watching my daughter zip through her freshman year in HS, racing ever closer to leaving the nest for college and (2) my own aging and sliding ever closer to the big M-word.
Lately I have been doing alot of reading about women's aging and health. I am one of those people who gathers up tidbits of information, reads volumes of books, and listens to lectures on topics that pique my interest. When I was pregnant I read books on pregnancy, child development, all the "What to Expect" books and actually tabbed (yes, tabbed!) a child development book for my daughter's first year so that I could quickly and easily find the information I needed when I needed it. So because of my innate curiosity about health and fitness, I found it interesting to observe in myself that up until recently, I avoided reading about the next life transition my body is moving into. I approached this next transition with my head in the sand--if I don't acknowledge it, menopause will just pass right by...kind of like that biblical story about the blood of the lamb over the doorframe.
Why is that, I wondered to myself? I concluded that I am experiencing a bit of body betrayal. As a younger woman I could choose whether I wanted to become a mother and time the birth of my daughter according to my life plan. Some women choose not to have children at all. Different from motherhood, menopause is not a choice--it happens to all women, some as early as 30 and others not until they are well into their 50s. This is the first time my body's timeframe is different from my own. Being on the shady-side of 40 and as I move closer to the big 5-0, no matter how youthful my mind feels, my body is fulfilling it's own preset timecourse. As an athlete, I have always been able to push through fatigue, pain or workouts that seemed to never end. Recently I have had a couple of days where I've struggled not to take a nap in the middle of the day!
This week I finally went to my doctor and shared with her all of my symptoms, questions, concerns and worries. Thank goodness for a listening, and supportive doc who made time to spend with me! Armed with new information and some meds to try out, I am feeling a bit more in charge of my life. Last night I spoke with my husband about my feelings and worries about getting older. He told me just what I needed to hear: he loves me and we will age together.
In my work with my clients, I invite them to take steps to move themselves into the driver's seat of their lives. Although I feel my body, and time in general, are still wrestling with control of the wheel, I now feel that I am making conscious decisions and choices about how I will manage this next life transition. Yes, it is the end of my life as a bearer of children, but it is also the beginning of a new life for me--and do I have great plans ahead! The best thing about talking with my husband last night on our usual Friday night date, was that I could see in his eyes that he is truly available for me and as a couple, we will navigate the road ahead. His warm hug of assurance and love made me feel better than when I was 20-something!
Thought for the Day: Are you taking care of your health and paying attention to your body's aging? What can you do this week that will encourage health for yourself now and for your future?
Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age. ~Victor Hugo
Note: I have made some changes to my site including adding a video link at the bottom of this page. Please hit it and then scroll back up to the top of the page to watch the cool video. Enjoy and give a free hug to someone today; it will make you feel better and bring a smile to another.
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