Everybody Needs a Friend

A few months ago a coach forwarded a link to me for a most unlikely pair of friends, a 130 year old Aldabran tortoise named Mzee, and a 600 hundred lb. baby hippo named Owen. The story of how the two met is both heartwarming and true and goes like this.

Once upon a time there was a baby hippo who lived with his family on the coast of Africa. At the same time, there was an ancient tortoise named Mzee (Swahili for "wise old man") who lived in an animal sanctuary near Kenya. On December 26, 2003 an enormous tidal wave rose up from the ocean and swept across parts of Asia killing hundreds of thousands of people and scores of animals. Twelve hours later, the tidal wave hit the coast of Africa. Days before the horrific tsunami, torrential rains had swollen the Sabali River and swept a family of hippos out to sea. The residents of the town, Malindi, tried in vain to urge the family back up the estuary. When the Tsunami hit Malindi, the hippos disappeared and were forgotten as all efforts went to rescuing stranded fishermen. The next day only one hippo could be seen, a baby, mired in the muddy reef. Hundreds of people came to watch the efforts to rescue the baby hippo. It took ropes, boats, nets and cars--though the hippo was tired he was still fast and slippery. It took a rugby tackle to finally capture him, and the cheering crowd named the hippo for his rescuer. Owen was taken to the same animal refuge where Mzee lives. The frightened Owen took one look at Mzee and ran to him, hiding behind his massive shell, just as he would have done had Mzee been a mother hippo. Mzee was a bit startled but after a couple of days, the unlikely couple bonded and have since been inseparable. Mzee taught the dehydrated and ill Owen how to eat and Owen has taught the solitary Mzee how to accept and enjoy companionship. They helped each other despite the fact that they were creatures of different species, ages and sizes. Three years later, Owen and Mzee continue to spend their days together in the pond, feeding and patrolling. Owen nudges Mzee to come for walks, and Mzee sometimes even follows Owen. A female hippo named Chloe has been added to their enclosure to help Owen learn to socialize with hippos.

Friends add incredible dimension to our lives. They are there to help us celebrate our successes and accomplishments, and they are there with hugs and words of encouragement when we experience the rough spots in life. It's likely you've experienced the tender relief that follows when your friend has set time aside to listen as your pour your heart out to him or her. Having a strong network of supportive friends has been associated with lower levels of stress, increased longevity and increased levels of life satisfaction and happiness. Studies on social support show that having one or two close and supportive friends is at least as valuable to emotional health as having a large group of friendly acquaintances or more shallow friendships. Also studies show that a sense of belonging is extremely important for emotional health and well-being; those who have social support but don't feel a sense of belonging are much more likely to suffer from depression. Additionally, people who have a strong network of friends or at least one close friendship recover from illness or surgery faster and with fewer complications. In a Yale University study of 194 heart attack patients, those who reported emotional support were three times more likely to be alive six months after their attack than subjects who had no support. In a study at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburg, researchers rounded up 276 volunteers, dripped cold viruses into their noses, and then quarantined them for five days. Subjects who had a wide range of friends and acquaintances had one-fourth the chance of catching a cold as those whose social networks were minimal. It is likely that Owen survived his incredible ordeal partly due to the connection he made with Mzee.

Is your social support network as strong as you would like? If not, what changes can you make to move it in the direction of your choosing? Making new friends can be exciting or intimidating, depending on your personality and your circumstances, but ultimately it is rewarding. Here are some thoughts to help you meet new people who might become your friends. Remember, you have to go to the places where others are gathered and often the hardest thing about going out and doing anything in the community is doing it for the first time. It's hard for everyone. Push through those hard feelings and go. Most of the time, you will be glad you did.

Attend a support group. Support groups are a great way to make new friends. It could be a group for people who have similar health issues or life challenges, or a group for people of the same age or sex.

Participate in community activities like sporting events, theatrical productions, concerts, art shows, poetry readings, book signings, civic groups, special interest groups, and political meetings. Take a course or join a church. Let yourself be seen and known in the community. If money is a problem, consider going to your local library and looking in the newspaper for listings of free events. Spend time in places that are free, like a local bookstore with couches where you can sit and read for a while. You will have a feeling of connection even without any dialogue with others.

Volunteer. Strong connections often are formed when people work together on projects of mutual concern. When volunteering, you are already with a group of people with a common interest. You could help out at a soup kitchen, read to children in day care, visit people in nursing homes, deliver flowers in the hospital, or serve on a political or social action committee. You could bring snacks for the other volunteers and arrange a time to get together and eat with them for more social contact.

Reaching out to establish a friendship sometimes happens simply and casually. At other times, it takes special effort. If you feel you need and want to take some action so a person you have met becomes a friend, you could:

Ask the person to join you at a cafe for coffee or lunch, to go for a walk, or to engage in some other activity with you. Or call the person on the phone to share a piece of good news you think they might be intereted in. If a phone call is intimidating, send a short, friendly e-mail and see if they respond.

Think about the amazing friendship between Mzee and Owen. Don't discount someone as a potential friend simply because their lifestyle, social status or life experience is different from that of your own. You may surprise yourself and develop a deep and rich friendship with your own Mzee!

Thought for the Day: What can you do this week to build or strengthen your social connections with others?

"Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall.
All you have to do is call my name
and I'll be there. You've got a friend." --James Taylor