Milestones, Memories and Meals

What makes some places--restuaurants, camping spots, vacation destinations--stand out in our memories and hearts?

I believe it is the experiences and the company we are with in those places that create the lasting attachments. The setting allows space for connection and communion with friends and loved ones. It is often over food and drink that we share our deepest thoughts or celebrate personal accomplishments and milestones.

Earl Abel's Coffee Shop has been around for over a half a century and it has served as a icon for many San Antonians. Earl Abel's is one of those '50s style all-night diners where the friendly waitresses dress in starched pastel uniforms, many display the famous Texas helmet-head 'do, held in place with a generous amount of Aqua Net and criss-crossed bobby pins arranged just so. The loyal patrons range from senior citizens to college students and families enjoying a great homestyle meal of fried chicken or chicken fried steak and mile-high chocolate cake.

The day before Thanksgiving I stood in line at the coffee shop for my turn to purchase the requisite feast-day cherry and pumpkin pies. As I did not inherit my mom's pie-baking genes, I have relied heavily on Earl Abel's to get me and my family through Thanksgiving and Christmas with regard to the sweet stuff.

Each year I wait alongside a diverse group of San Antonians for my turn to place my order for pies. This day I gazed down the line and saw two teenage boys in Metallica t-shirts, a rancher wearing a straw cowboy hat, two chatty 60-something ladies holding expensive bags in their gloved hands, a woman who looked like she just came off her shift at the hospital still wearing her green scrubs, a elderly couple standing side by side, a Hispanic couple with their three young children, a balding, harried-looking, bespectacled man tightly clutched his wife's shopping list. We were from all parts of town, from equally diverse backgrounds and experiences, but what brought us together on this morning was our fond attachment to this special diner.

This year the line was particularly long--a few weeks back Earl Abel's made the front page of the Express News, but sadly not for their delicious food. Rather, the current owner, Earl's son, was ready to retire the diner. The paper suggested he had sold the building and land to a developer who plans to erect condos in it's place. Since this announcement, the parking lot has been packed with cars as worried, hungry folks make their pilgrimage to the diner to get one more plate of homestyle meatloaf and mashed potatoes before the doors close for good.

As I waited in line I listened to the conversations around me. Everyone had a story to share about how Earl Abel's had played a significant role in their lives and the lives of their families. The Hispanic gentleman in front of my shared memories of ending high school prom nights at the diner with his dates. The African American woman behind me smiled as she told me she was "raised on" Earl Abel's fried chicken. The Caucasian woman behind her spoke of coming to the diner as a little girl with her family and wondered where she would get brown sugar pecan pies in the future. I told my line neighbors about spending Thanksgiving at Earl Abel's 10 years ago when my family moved into our current home over the Thanksgiving weekend. There was no way I could unpack boxes, find the kitchen and cook a turkey feast on the same day. We arrived exhausted and a bit depressed to be spending the holiday at a diner. However, we were surprised and happy to be served by a cheerful staff and surrounded by other patrons in the cozy diner setting. We were welcomed to our new neighborhood with a great home-cooked meal of turkey and all the fixings. That day marked the beginning of my addiction to cherry pie!

I imagine similar conversations are happening all over San Antonio as the calendar days are ticked off towards the day when the old cash register rings up it's last chicken fried steak plate, the neon arrow pointing to the "Take Out Orders" sign is turned off and the big brown doors close for good. My family will still visit Earl Abel's in our minds at least, when we gather next Thanksgiving and reminisce about their awesome pie!

Thought for the Day: Where do you celebrate your family's triumphs and events? Where have you honored your personal milestones over food and drink? Think about those places that hold special memories for you. Take time to revisit them in person if you can, or at least revisit them in your mind. Call up a loved one and spend a few minutes reminiscing and sharing memories of the times you spent there.

Horsing Around

I write this new post while sitting gingerly at my computer. Several days ago I had a riding lesson on a new horse (to me) after not riding for a month due to a hectic schedule. My daughter accused me of loading up my schedule after Carin, my riding instructor, cheerfully informed me that at the next lesson I would be cantering (gulp!).

I have to admit that there may have been a teensy bit of extra schedule-loading going on over the following weeks, but as I mentioned in my first post, learning to ride serves two purposes. First, it is a way for me to make a new connection with my daughter and to engage with her in something that she is passionate about. Secondly, I am learning to ride to confront my ill-ease around horses and to learn how to appreciate them for the amazing animals that they are. Learning to ride forces me to move myself forward and step out of my safety zone. The way I look at it is, how can I encourage my clients to move outside their comfort zone and address a fear or conflict that has been holding them back from realizing their full potential, if I am unable to do the same in my own life?

So each Wednesday afternoon dressed in the requisite horsey gear, looking to the rest of the world like I am once again playing dress up or, hopefully, that I really know what I am doing, I drive toward the barn with a bit of fear, a greater bit of excitement about the upcoming lesson and an enormous amount of faith and hope that I will be back in the car at the end of the lesson in one piece.

This week I graduated from "Princess," a sweet 20 year old Bay who is the horse for the beginner 6 year olds and moms, to 12 year old "Honey," an equally sweet tempered Palomino, with a bit more kick in her step. It soothes my anxious heart and mind hearing the gentle names of my lesson horses. I silently thank whoever named them that they chose these names over "Killer" or "Rampage."

Once astride, I gently kicked and clucked at Honey to cue her to begin her trot and immediately felt like a preschooler's Weeble-Wobble toy sitting on top of her back. My heart lurched up into my throat as I bounced about on top of her. From my perspective I felt as though I were suddenly driving a 2005 Porsche as compared to a 1957 VW Bug and I just stepped on the gas pedal and couldn't get my foot off fast enough! Honey and I herky-jerked around the ring--trot, wobble, stop, trot, wobble, walk, stop. My mind leapt back in time to when I was a 17 year old Californian, learning to drive a stick shift in an empty Capwell's parking lot at dusk.

Everything I had learned about riding and position in the preceding weeks, emptied out of my mind and I felt I was starting all over in terms of gaining confidence and remembering to relax and just move in rhythm with the horse's trot. At the top of the lesson I was so tense, holding my breath, gripping the reins with my frozen fingers and lifting my heels into tiptoe position. I am sure Honey's thoughts were "Oh, boy...This is going to be a loooong lesson." It was only after half the lesson passed that I was able to rein in my anxious mind, breathe and just go with the flow of Honey's fluid movement. It was only then that I could trust and listen to Carin, my instructor. It was only then that I was able to relax and ride.

Isn't this similar to what we all do when we are trying to change a behavior or push ourselves to grow and stretch? Often we get so caught up in the action and the fear of doing something out of the ordinary that we lose track of the fact that if we just relax, breathe and move into it, we would experience much more success and enjoy the process so much more. When we are relaxed we are able to take in the cues from the environment and learn a new approach or change our behavior. Usually we have the ability all along--perhaps it needs strengthening or fine-tuning, but if we just relax and let it unfold naturally, we can surprise ourselves with our accomplishments!

By the end of the lesson, I was smiling as Honey responded to my clear cues. She and I experienced moments of true rhythm and flow. Her ears flicked back as I clucked at her to keep her trotting and she understood and followed my instruction--we were a team, in sync and confident, during the last minutes of that magical lesson.

At the end of the hour, as I untacked her and fed her crunchy treats, I whispered "thank you" into her fuzzy, fawn colored ear. She was my gift of the day (see first post) as she provided me with another lesson in trust and letting go. Days later, as I move around the house like the Tin-Man in search of an oil can, my sore muscles remind me of what we accomplished together and I smile.

Thought for the Day: What can you do this week to move out of your comfort zone? When you feel yourself tensing up during this process, take a few moments to breathe, relax your grip and go with the rhythm. You will be amazed at what happens when you do this!

There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a (wo)man.
--Winston Churchill

Look It's a Plane, No, It's a Pig!

I am so excited to announce my new website "Envision Your Dreams" is up and soaring! Thanks to the hard work of my graphics/web designer, Jeff Heinke, my dream of bringing the flying pig to "life" has come true!

Okay, I am sure you are asking yourselves, what is with the flying pig?

Well, the idea came to me about a year and a half ago. I began to take notice of images of flying pigs. Then I began to purchase flying pigs: a car magnet over the web, a Christmas tree topper in Dallas, a windcatcher flying pig for the garden in Pennsylvania. The flying pig began to resonate with me as a perfect symbol for coaching!

Why? Because when people typically think about the symbolism of the flying pig they usually conjure up negative associations like "it will never happen", "yeah, right, when pigs fly". In contrast, I have flipped the symbolism to mean hopefulness and readiness to move toward realizing dreams. I see the pig as representing confidence, self-assuredness and openness to possibility. The flying pig is not grounded from realizing "her" dreams by self-doubts or limiting self comments. Additionally, the flying pig believes in "herself" and does not let the negative comments of others hold her back from taking off!

So the flying pig is now my logo and my company name is "Envision Your Dreams." The website is actually two websites in one in that one provides information about coaching and freebies and the other is an online store for flying piggy merchandise (hint hint: the holidays are DAYS away and what would be a better gift than a flying pig?). I think the flying pig is something that people "get" in relation to inspiration and motivation. My dream is to see my piggy everywhere because people want to spread the inspirational word of soaring toward one's dreams!

I invite you to check out my site and let me know your thoughts and suggestions!

Thought for the day: Isn't today a beautiful day to fly?

Flip That Switch!

While at my local copy center this morning, I overheard bits of conversation between two college students at the next machine. One was bemoaning her performance on a recent exam. She complained to her friend that this professor was "out to get her" and wanted all classmembers to fail the class. Her friend nodded sympathetically and launched into her own story of evil professors who want to mess up their students' GPAs. Now, not to come to the defense of truly malicious professors, if they are out there, I wondered about how these two students could have approached the situation from a different perspective.


In Marilee Adams' book, Change Your Questions, Change Your Life, she teaches the reader about Judger v. Learner modes of viewing situations, interactions and opportunities.

Judger mode is when we as questions such as: Who's to blame? How can I prove I'm right? Why is that person doing this to me? Why bother? Such questions increase bodily tension and stress and lead us down the path toward what Adams calls the Judger Pit. Once engulfed by the mucky, sticky pit, we find it difficult to extricate ourselves from negative thinking. We are judgmental of ourselves and others. We are inflexible and rigid. We can only see from our perspective and are protective and defensive of our position. We close off our minds to possibility and the ability to view things from a fresh perspective.

In contrast, Learner questions energize us as they ask: What am I responsible for? What are the facts? What's the big picture? What can I learn? What's possible? What is the other person needing or wanting? When we are in Learner mode, we are accepting of and responsive to ourselves and others. We are flexible and adaptive and inquisitive of the perspectives of others. We don't just accept things, but question our assumptions. In Learner mode the possibilities are abundant and we are curious about the world.

The two students I mentioned earlier were definitely viewing their experience from the Judger mode--so how could they, and you, make the switch from Judger to Learner?

Adams calls this step "Switching Questions". Just as a train operator pulls a lever to switch the train tracks to avoid a collision, switching questions allow us to avoid being immersed into the Judger Pit. When we find ourselves in Judger, the world looks pretty negative and awful. When we make a conscious choice to question our viewpoint in Judger, we are engaging in switching questions that allow the possibilities to open up. Switching questions help get us back on the Learner path.

So how does this work? Adams offers the A-B-C-C Choice Process.

A-Aware--Am I in Judger? The student in the example could ask this question in order to open up the possibilities.

B-Breathe! Do I need to step back, pause and look at this situation more objectively?

C-Curiosity--Do I have all the facts?

C-What's my choice? Do I stay with my original opinion or view or alter it?

Perhaps the students noted above would have come up with a different viewpoint after engaging in the Switching Process. I know when I use the Switching Process, it serves to lighten my thoughts and open up possibilities that I hadn't noticed before. Something that appeared helpless to change in Judger, when viewed from Learner has many, many different possibilities and outcomes.

So, switch the tracks and get on board the Learner train!

Thought for the day: Listen to yourself today and be observant of your thoughts. How often do you find yourself in Judger mode? Try the exercise above and let me know your experience!


The only real voyage of discover consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes. ---Marcel Proust