Thursday, December 27, 2007



The Eyes of the World Are Watching Now

This morning I logged onto the computer before heading out for my morning run. I was stunned and saddened to learn of the tragic assasination of Benazir Bhutto today. I felt my heart plunge into my gut as I imagined the chaos and grief flooding the streets and hearts of the people of Pakistan. I do not claim to be a political guru, savvy to all the latest permutations and circumnavigations of world politics, but what I do know is I am saddened today by the loss of a mother, wife and woman who committed her life to the peaceful betterment of her people, particularly the women of Pakistan. I am also saddened by the loss of life of yet another desperate suicide bomber as well as those individuals killed simply by being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

My thoughts can easily becomes overwhelmed by the impact of greed, religious dogma, and man's effort to control and stifle another human being. Often these dire thoughts become too much and I use the trusty old standby, avoidance, to extricate myself from my discomfort. Heartache is everywhere we choose to look, whether it be in our own backyard (homelessness, gang violence, domestic abuse) or in the backyard of another on the other side of the world (i.e., Darfur, Tibet, Iraq). It is quite easy for us to shift our gaze, blocking out that which is uncomfortable or painful to acknowledge. It is also easy for us to react to something different or foreign to our own beliefs with defensiveness and anger. I believe the root of these responses is fear. We become fearful when we feel we are not heard, loved, valued and respected. We become fearful when it appears that another is getting more of the "pie" than we feel they deserve. We become fearful when the values and beliefs upon which we were raised are challenged and we retaliate in blistering anger and bitter scorn.

It saddens me that today the world lost a calm, persistent, intelligent and peaceful voice--one who expressed similar sentiments endorsed by Gandhi, King, and Kennedy. It saddens me that assasination, war and physical conflict continue to be the way in which we impotently strive for mastery and control. My silent prayer for today and the days that follow are for each and every one of us to evolve: To open up our minds in order to consider another way--one which respects and values another. To choose life over death and destruction. To choose love over hate and bigotry. To choose compassion over condemnation.

The grassroots organization, Department of Peace writes: "Peace is not a utopian ideal; it is an issue critical to our national and human security. Either we continue reactively addressing ever-increasing levels of violence and the consequent human and economic costs, or we take a fresh approach. This isn’t about the politics of left or right; it is about what is practical and effective. We must create the possibility for applied peacebuilding to identify and resolve conflict before it erupts into violence. The science of peacebuilding has significantly expanded over the past 30 years, creating previously unavailable tools for dismantling violence. Yet nowhere in the highest echelons of our government is there a platform from which to launch a focused, strategic approach to reducing and preventing violence."

It is my hope that, as the eyes of the world are watching, our global leaders will use this sad opportunity to choose the novel, conscious choice of global peacebuilding over the seemingly knee-jerk reaction of further destruction and violence. Let them recall the 1950s holiday carol which played the airwaves just a few days ago: "Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me. Let there be peace on earth, the peace that was meant to be."

Thought for the Day: What action can you take today to bring greater peace into our world?

"You can blow out a candle
But you can't blow out a fire
Once the flames begin to catch
The wind will blow it higher

And the eyes of the world are
watching now, watching now"
--Peter Gabriel, "Biko"

Thursday, December 13, 2007



Laughing All the Way

Every once in a while my husband goes on a business trip and we typically spend time on the phone with each other in the evening catching up and sharing with the other the adventures or thoughts of the day. My husband is a neuroscientist (i.e., he studies the brain and how it stores memory). His scientific meetings are often held in beautiful and tropical locales and this one was held in Boca Raton. I always found the site of the meeting a bit odd since the majority of the attendees are more than happy to spend 12 hours cloistered in a darkened auditorium listening to presentations by other neuroscientists or poring over posters deep within the bowels of a convention center only to surface into the natural environment of sunshine long enough to change clothes for dinner before heading off to the evening meetings. The other night he shared with me a lecture he attended with the unlikely title of "Do Rats Laugh?" The model for most academic research is rodent: mouse or rat. Of all the meetings I have attended with my hubby, none have focused on whether the toothy subjects chortle. My husband said the lecture hall, holding around 300 folks, laughed along with the video and presentation of rats apparently laughing while being tickled on their hairy bellies. Check it out yourself at this link.

In any case, it got me thinking about how we humans have evolved to experience a range of emotions and how the ones that feel the best, laughter and joy, are at times elusive. Who hasn’t experienced the domino effect of laughter? Sometimes it starts out low and then ripples from one person to the next until it washes over you and you find yourself overcome by the giggle bug. Perhaps you caught it all by yourself while watching a movie or reading a scene in a book; something in the scene tickled you and you couldn’t help but smile, or maybe even bark a laugh. I have even woken myself up on occasion, laughing out loud while in a dream.

Humor and laughter set of a number of physical effects into play and all of them positive. Besides enhancing our lives with joy and connection with others, laughter strengthens our immune system and helps us recover from illness—and best of all, it’s FREE! This healing act is not dependent on an insurance carrier, a particular provider or certain office hours—you can access this health-booster any time, day or night. Here are some laugh-facts I’ve culled from the internet (a particularly great article was written by Leslie Lindeman, Kemp, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, PhD) and other sources—let the laughter begin!

Laughing relaxes and heals the body. A good giggle reduces problems associated with high blood pressure, strokes, arthritis, and ulcers. Daily laughter is important, researchers at Loma Linda University in California have been studying the effects of laughter on the immune system. To date their published studies have shown that laughing lowers blood pressure, reduces stress hormones, increases muscle flexion, and boosts immune function by raising levels of infection-fighting T-cells, disease-fighting proteins called Gamma-interferon and B-cells, which produce disease-destroying antibodies. Laughter also triggers the release of endorphins, the body's natural painkillers, and produces a general sense of well-being. People who laugh on a regular basis have lower standing blood pressure than the average person. When people have a good laugh, initially the blood pressure increases, but then it decreases to levels below normal. Breathing then becomes deeper which sends oxygen enriched blood and nutrients throughout the body. Some research suggests that laughter may also reduce the risk of heart disease. Laughter, along with an active sense of humor, may help protect you against a heart attack, according to a study at the University of Maryland Medical Center. The study, which is the first to indicate that laughter may help prevent heart disease, found that people with heart disease were 40 percent less likely to laugh in a variety of situations compared to people of the same age without heart disease. Historically, research has shown that distressing emotions (depression, anger, anxiety, and stress) are all related to heart disease. The UMMC study suggests that a good sense of humor and the ability to laugh at stressful situations helps mitigate the damaging physical effects of distressing emotions. Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases infection fighting antibodies. It increases our attentiveness, heart rate, and pulse.

Laughter provides us with a good workout. Laughter can be a great workout for your diaphragm, abdominal, respiratory, facial, leg, and back muscles. It massages abdominal organs, tones intestinal functioning, and strengthens the muscles that hold the abdominal organs in place. Not only does laughter give your midsection a workout, it can benefit digestion and absorption functioning as well. It is estimated that hearty laughter can burn calories equivalent to several minutes on the rowing machine or the exercise bike.

Laughter helps our brain. Laughter stimulates the brain to enhance learning. It eases muscle tension and psychological stress, which keeps the brain alert and allows people to retain more information.

Laughter unites families. Families who are able to laugh together or see humor in situations together are those that are share the closest bonds. Humor binds people together and allows them to move through difficult times united. No family is perfect, and when one can laugh about situations or interactions rather than stepping into tension and hostility, everyone benefits. Mood is elevated by striving to find humor in difficult and frustrating situations. Laughing at ourselves and the situation helps reveal that small things are not the earth-shaking events they sometimes seem to be. Looking at a problem from a different perspective can make it seem less formidable and provide opportunities for greater objectivity and insight. Humor also helps us avoid loneliness by connecting with others who are attracted to genuine cheerfulness. And the good feeling that we get when we laugh can remain with us as an internal experience even after the laughter subsides.

Humor shifts the ways in which we think. It is not situations that generate our stress, it is the meaning we place on the situations. Humor adjusts the meaning of an event so that it is not so overwhelming.

So now you have plenty of information about why it is good for you and your health to find reason to laugh each day. When you find yourself stuck in a bad mood, try to shift your perspective and ask yourself the following questions:

• Is it really worth getting upset over?
• Is it worth upsetting others?
• Is it that important?
• Is the situation irreparable? Is it really my problem?

Need some help toning your funny bone? Here are a few suggestions:

• Watch comedy DVDs and TV shows.
• Go to comedy clubs.
• Listen to comedy while driving.
• Read comic authors.
• Seek out funny people.
• Spend less time with overly serious people.

Thought for the Day: Lighten up and find humor in a situation today. Share a laugh with a friend or coworker and enjoy the health benefits of a good guffaw.

I've always thought that a big laugh is a really loud noise from the soul saying, "Ain't that the truth." ~Quincy Jones

Sunday, December 02, 2007



Got Squirrels?

Yesterday morning I took Zeebo and Suki out for a morning walk; wait, let me rephrase that—my two great danes took me along on their morning walk around the neighborhood. Usually I do not endeavor to take them both out at the same time since their combined weight is about 250 lbs, easily outweighing me by over 100 lbs, but my time was limited and they needed to be exercised, so I threw caution to the wind and offered up a silent prayer for an uneventful walk as we stepped out the door and headed to the trail.

The wooded neighborhood trail is lined by towering oaks and lush pecan trees. At this time of year the trees are laden with acorns and pecans. In my neighborhood an abundance of acorns and pecans means an abundance of busy and fat squirrels. And an abundance of fat squirrels means an abundance of ecstatic leaps and joyful barks and yelps for my dogs. Each dog has his or her own approach to the time-honored sport of squirrel chasing: Zeebo takes the mindfulness/zen approach. He tends to slow his walk down to a crouching crawl while sneaking up on the unobservant squirrel. All of his attention appears to zoom in on the unsuspecting furry creature. If he had the ability to tippy-toe toward his quarry he would, but unfortunately dogs don’t possess human toes so he is forced to tread carefully and slowly on his big paws toward his intended chase, sometimes actually balancing on three paws with one long rear leg extended in a several seconds-long arabesque. Occasionally he makes it within a couple of feet of a preoccupied hoarder before it senses the approach of the giant animal and scampers to the nearest tree for safety. Once he’s successfully treed the squirrel, Zeebo gives a good body shake (all the way down to the white tip of his tail) and then he’s off looking for the next opportunity for a chase.

Suki, on the other hand, shows little strategy in her approach. She’s an all or nothing girl, meaning that when she decides to go after a twitchy-tailed mammal, she blasts after it, crashing through the bush or bounding through the grass with no apparent forethought. There’s no zen in her approach--her tongue lolls crazily as she bounds and leaps after the squirrels no matter how high they are in the tree branches. She appears to be just as satisfied lunging 30 feet above her as jetting after one less than three feet away.

What I noticed on this morning’s walk as well as on other walks, is that the dogs appear somewhat selective about the squirrels they chase. I am still not completely sure what makes then decide which ones to take off after, but my initial hypothesis is that they tend to simply observe the ones that sit quietly on the branches or fences. Sometimes they take a playful half-hearted veer in the direction of the quiet squirrel but for the most part both dogs tend to ignore the meek ones and continue on their business of sniffing the ground. What really sets them off in hot pursuit are the tail-bobbing, frisky squirrels who chatter and throw taunting chirps down from their perch on high. Who knows what these chattering squirrels are saying, perhaps criticizing Suki's big, black nose or Zeebo's funny, crooked ears. Whatever the content, both dogs respond with leaps, yelps and barks and stop only when the enemy has taken refuge in higher branches. Rather than ignoring the taunts, both dogs acknowledge the interaction and respond in the best way they know--"sic'em."

Watching the dog/squirrel dynamics made me think about how we, humans that is, try to ignore our "inner squirrel." I am referring to the critical, taunting voice that holds us back from personal development and experiencing healthy relationships. In my work as a therapist, I am aware the power negative self-talk can have in preventing people from experiencing their best life and most fulfilling relationships with others. Each and everyone one of us (therapists included) at different times struggle to keep the inner critical voice at bay. An area of focus of therapy is often helping my clients acknowledge and understand their negative inner voice and how giving in to the destructive message, sabotages their personal and professional success. Self-discovery serves to free one from the old inhibitions and allows one to make conscious choices in order to achieve new goals and dreams.

What kind of voices am I referring to? Like the squirrel tossing down insults to Zeebo, perhaps your inner voice throws out comments to you such as "I'm not good enough...I don't deserve to succeed...It's all my fault...I'll never be loved." Often such negative beliefs found their voice in childhood and persist into adulthood. The inner critic affects self-esteem and feelings of self-worth, inhibiting success and accomplishment.

When the focus of therapy is to address the negative self-talk, I teach them the ABCDEs. I'll use one example throughout so you can get the idea. It's not the alphabet song, but goes like this:

A - Action or Antecedent. Let's say your boss was short with you and criticized your report.

B - Belief. If the critical voice is engaged, the thought or belief that might follow is the above action is: "My boss hates me. I'm no good at this job. I bet I will be fired."

C - Consequence. The consequence of the belief expressed above might result in you becoming sad, leaving work early, making a stop on the way home for a pint of Ben and Jerry's or something stronger.

D - Disputation. Here's the magic step: This is where you stop and dispute the above belief. Here is where you consider alternatives to your boss's comment. Perhaps she was having a bad day...perhaps she just was criticized by her boss, etc. This is the step in which you open your mind up to other alternatives and not immediately buy into the one offered up by your critical voice.

E - Energy. Once you dispute the automatic belief, you experience energy and freedom from the negative script.

Practicing these ABCDEs several times a day will help you to confront and silence the judgmental and negative, chattering "squirrel" in your own head, experiencing freedom in order to move forward toward achieving your dreams.

Thought for the Day: Become conscious of your inner thoughts this week and implement that ABCDEs to address and change your automatic thoughts.

"We allow ourselves to be ruled and controlled by our thoughts and emotions, and furthermore we allow our thoughts and emotions to be determined by our negative impulses and other afflictions of the mind. If we continue to allow this situation to occur, it can only lead to misery and suffering. Whatever brings disaster or harm should be called an enemy, so this means that the ultimate enemy is actually within ourselves."
--The Fourteenth Dalai Lama