Friday, April 28, 2006



When Pigs Fly!

This week was a great week in terms of educating more people about the philosophy of my logo and products emblazoned with the flying pig. I received several orders for my plush piggies and t-shirts and had a number of opportunities to speak to groups about the concept of allowing one's dreams to take flight toward possibility.

"So what is with the pigs," you ask? I view the flying pig from a slightly different perspective than most. Rather than seeing the impossibility of a pig taking wing, I feel the symbol of the flying pig allows us to challenge our self-doubts or the negative comments of others to move forward in the direction of realizing our dreams and personal goals, whether that means losing some weight, finishing a degree, changing careers or becoming more assertive in relationships with others. I believe (and witness as a coach and psychologist) that most people do not have enough supportive and encouraging people in their lives to help guide them, cheer them on and provide a nonjudgmental ear in which to confide their dreams and worries. When a person feels unsupported and criticized, the light of inspiration begins to dim and the spirit shrinks in response. I help my clients to throw open the window of possibility and allow some fresh and hopeful air to enter their lives, thus allowing them to grow in confidence and achieve their best in life. My German friend, Catharina, said there is a saying that refers to when a person really "let's go" or is having a great time experiencing life. It roughly translates to "letting the sow out"--we laughed over this interpretation, but I think the concept is still the same--believe in yourself and experience the possibilities!

Yesterday I spoke with my friend, Poonam, a fellow psychologist, about the excitement and energy we receive as we bear witness to our clients' personal evolution. We both talked about the gift we receive as we watch a client's confidence unfold and blossom as he or she begins to believe in themselves and take steps to realize their potential. This is what I love about my work--I feel truly blessed to be a part of my clients' experiences, helping them to achieve more satisfaction and fulfillment in their personal and professional lives. I can't think of many jobs that would be more rewarding!

My questions to you this week are: What can you do to allow your own dreams to take flight? What steps can you take to move toward the realization of some of your most precious dreams? This week I would like you to take some time to identify a life-goal you would like to work on. One of the things I remind my clients of is that we don't know how long we will be here on this earth, or when illness will strike, or when circumstances will arise that will make opportunities for change more difficult. Why wait to begin to live the life you want? As an 80 year old, wouldn't you rather look back on a life filled with memories and accomplishments rather than a life filled with missed opportunities and regret? The time to begin your BIG life is today!

I can't stress enough that we all need support and encouragement as we change our behaviors or move into unexplored territory. We are social beings and thrive when we feel connected to a pack. If you are truly serious about making change in your life--identify who you want to be in your "pack" or on your "team." Find a mentor, a coach, a therapist, a group of like-minded people, what ever will work for you as you prepare for lift-off! Not only will the support be helpful but you will feel a greater sense of accountability and increase your likelihood of sticking with a plan when you have other people involved. This week, picture yourself as that little flying piggy, full of confidence, inspiration and commitment to a goal. Isn't today a beautiful day to fly?

Thought for the Day: How can you help someone to take wing and fly this week? Who is your coach who will help you achieve your best life? What do you need to do to "let the sow out?"

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible." --Walt Disney

Friday, April 21, 2006



Combating a Clutterbug Infestation

Tell me if any of these comments strike a familiar chord in your heart:

You cannot recall what your teen's bedroom carpet looks like because it has been so long since you last viewed it with your own two eyes.

You cannot fit your car into your garage due to the Christmas decorations sitting in the middle of the space as well as innumerable Hefty bags of things you cannot part with.

You have more estranged pot lids than pots in your kitchen cupboard.

Your "junk drawer" has been relocated to a "junk closet."


If you nodded "Yes" to any of the above examples, first, let me assure you that you are not alone! I continually combat the clutterbug syndrome my house with my own family members. As I write this, my daughter is probably cursing me under her breath as I have held her Friday night plans hostage until her room is clean and her laundry is put away. Believe me, it could be a long and unpleasant night. My husband is thanking his lucky stars he has missed out on this particular stand-off due to a last minute business trip.

What do you do about clutter in your own environment? How does clutter affect your mood? Does the clutter in your home impact your relationships with others--Do you have arguments with your loved ones about the "stuff" in your home or does your clutter impede your social life because you don't want to invite people over because of the mess?

One of the things I do as a coach is to help my clients declutter their heads and their environment. In many ways, these go hand in hand as when our physical environment is decluttered and organized, a direct benefit to this action is that our internal environment achieves a place of calm and peace. When the physical space is chaotic and jumbled, it is difficult to feel in control of one's life.

Now let me get this straight--I am not talking about "white glove" worthy cleanliness--I am talking about improving organization and letting go of emotional and tangible items that no longer serve a purpose. "Does this item or habit continue to serve a purpose in your life in the here and now?" is a question I ask my clients over and over again whether they are doing some Spring cleaning or contemplating giving up a life-long habit. We develop habits and accrue clutter over time and most likely at the beginning of the process, the items or habit did serve a purpose of some sort. For example, in a new relationship, most folks are sentimental and hold onto any ticket stub, stuffed animal or gift that their loved one bestowed upon them. As the relationship progresses, what you have to show for it is an enormous collection of stuffed bears from each Valentine's Day!

Many of the women clients I work with hold on to items from a past love relationship. One of the questions I ask them is whether these items hold positive "energy" or memories, or whether these items bring them down psychologically. Oftentimes there are negative feelings associated with such items, especially if the relationship did not end well. There is an immense sense of freedom that follows when you clear your space of such items and release yourself from the negative "energy" or bad memories. When a client frees herself from the prison of negative self-talk and bad memories by letting go of furniture, clothing or what-have-you collected from a now-defunct relationship, it is like having a 100 lb. weight lifted off their shoulders. Think about how much pleasure another person will receive from your gifts as you declutter and donate your items to your favorite charity! The next recipient will experience only positive energy associated with your items and you, in turn, will free yourself and create more space in your environment in the process!

"But I don't know where do I begin!" is a refrain I hear repeatedly. I realize the thought of beginning to organize and sift through years of accumulated stuff is daunting and that's probably why you haven't already done it! So here's four of my many tips in a nutshell:

1) Get a clear mental image of what the particular space will look like when it is completed. Break it down: What will the kitchen drawer look like when it is organized? What will the hall closet look like when you are done? What will your bedroom look like when it is completed? Most of the time we don't break the steps down into manageable and measurable mini-steps. Instead, we focus on the big picture and become overwhelmed and give up before even starting. Break the process down to the smallest increment and CELEBRATE each step of the way! For example, put all the working pens and pencils into a holder and toss the dead and broken ones--Whoo-hoo!!!

2) When should I begin? Think about any major events that are going on in your life right now. If your workdays are spent racing through the day toward fulfilling a big deadline, the last thing you want to focus on is getting your closet reorganized. Be reasonable in your expectations: start small and begin only when you can devote some undivided time to the project. Remember: Set yourself up for success not failure!

3) Get out the monthly calendar--take a look at the events coming up and block out time in 15-30 minute increments on a specific task. It may look like this: Monday from 6-6:30, remove the stuff from under the bathroom sink and throw all items away that I haven't used in the last 6 months. Tuesday from 5-5:15, put all the shoes I haven't worn in the last year into a bag for donation drop-off. Saturday 9-9:30, go through the linen closet and donate any old, frayed towels to my local veterinarian. This all looks pretty basic, but it's a good start. I usually suggest to stick with one room until it is done, then move to the next. Some clients like this approach, while others prefer to jump around from room to room. Try it out each way and see which one works for you. In general, I suggest clients work on the room they spend the most time in as once this room is organized, this will help them achieve internal calm.

4) "3 Bags Full" approach. As you sort through your stuff, continue to ask yourself these questions: Have I worn it, used it, enjoyed it in the last six months? If not, it goes into one of the three bags: Give Away, Mend or Put Away. Honestly, if you haven't worn it or used it in at least six months (barring ski or some other weather-related equipment or clothing), chances are someone else could be getting a lot more use and pleasure out of your stuff than you! You can even recite "Baa-Baa Black Sheep" as you work for additional entertainment.

Hopefully the tips above will help you as your aim to exterminate your own clutterbug infestation! If you would like more organizational tips, I am currently enrolling people for a 6 week telecourse entitled "Declutter Your Environment--Declutter Your Head." If you would like more information, email me!

Thought for the Day: What items are you holding onto which no longer serve a purpose in your life? What steps can you take this week to create more calm in your internal world by organizing your external world?

"How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." --Author Unknown

Sunday, April 16, 2006



Mind Games

Earlier this week in my "Get Off the Couch and Hop on Board" group I introduced a mindfulness exercise to the group members. I gave each member a small box of raisins and asked them to observe the box, open it and select a raisin to place in the palm of their hand. We looked at the raisin through new eyes and lifted the raisin to our noses to smell. After a few moments I then asked that they place the raisin their mouth and simply hold it with their tongue--experiencing and exploring the sensation and feel of the raisin their mouths and against their teeth and palate. After a moment of quiet exploration, I then asked them to begin to chew the raisin and notice the explosion of flavor. After a few more moments of mindful observation they swallowed and noted the aftertaste of the now-dissolved raisin. We then spent a few minutes discussing what the experience was like for each of them. The comments ranged from "I never really looked at a raisin before" to "I noticed how quickly I wanted to move on to the next raisin."

Why do this kind of goofy exercise? Because it forces us to step out of our unconscious and mindless action states and places us directly in the here and now. Most of the time we eat raisins by the handful--throwing back a bunch or emptying the box into our opened mouth, right? When was the last time you looked at a raisin?

How often do you eat meals while multi-tasking? At some point or another during the day, most of us engage in this habit, particularly if you work in a fast-paced environment or have small children. We believe that we are being incredibly efficient by doing more than one thing at a time but what we are actually doing is short-changing our health and negating an opportunity to experience pleasure.

Let's continue to use eating as an example. When we slow our pace down to attend to one thing at a time, we allow ourselves to experience and acknowledge what we are putting into our mouths. In contrast, when we eat while watching TV or reading or working at the computer, we enter into mindless eating and we can fall victim to eating food that is not the best for us (i.e., fast-food) or eating more food than our bodies need (i.e., polishing off the bag of chips in front of the TV). How often are you unable to even recall what you had for breakfast or dinner? This is an example of unconscious consumption.

So what happens when we become mindful of what we eat?

When we become mindful, we open ourselves up to an authentic meal experience. We take notice of the colors and textures of food on our plate and smell the aromas of the prepared food. We notice the sensation of the food in our mouths: the texture, the crunch, the flavor. We experience the pleasure of food on many levels. For a moment, think about the manner in which a typical toddler eats Cheerios. She picks them up one at a time and looks at each little "0" before placing it in her mouth. Once she is finished with the one in her mouth, she picks up the next "0." Babies and toddlers are experts at mindful eating!

When we become mindful of the quality of the food we consume; sometimes we realize we have been eating food that doesn't taste good or please us once we take notice. When you take the time to taste and experience some foods, you may be surprised that you really don't enjoy the flavor or the sensation of foods you thought you loved. You may realize you eat some foods strictly out of habit but not taste. This is particularly the case when it comes to processed or fast-foods!

When we raise our awareness we notice when we turn to food for comfort because we are avoiding an uncomfortable emotion--anger, sadness, boredom, stress. Once we become aware of the emotional links to our food reflex, we are then able to make a conscious decision to work through the emotion rather than using avoidance or deflection to manage our feelings. For the parents reading this blog--think about whether you use food to comfort your children or if you reward their behavior or accomplishment with treats. I am not saying that providing a food reward is wrong every time--I simply encourage you to notice whether you are teaching your children to unconsciously link food to a soothing emotion. If you do offer your child, say, ice cream after a hard day at school, I would encourage you to also teach him about the power of talking about and working through disappointment and other emotions. You are the perfect person to help your child develop a healthy relationship with food that will last their lifetime.

When we raise our awareness, we become conscious of the quantity of food we consume. How often have you looked down at the end of a TV show to realize you have consumed an entire bag of chips or cookies? When we become conscious of our eating we also become aware of when we are "satisfied" versus "stuffed." We can become aware of how we feel (physically and emotionally) after eating certain foods. We can note how we feel when we eat quickly or slowly or at certain times of the day.

When we become mindful of what we eat, we place ourselves in the driver's seat with regard to who is in charge of our health and our weight. When we become mindful of how we treat our bodies, we free ourselves from the habit of poor choices and move forward toward a healthier lifestyle! When we are conscious, we enjoy and experience taste and foods like never before. When was the last time you enjoyed the sweet explosion of taste after biting into a juicy peach? What an exciting and rewarding adventure to reacquaint your tastebuds to real food with real flavor!

Thought for the Day: Take a few moments to try the mindfulness exercise with a raisin or other nugget of food. Open yourself up to the experience. What was it like for you? How can you be more mindful of your food choices this week? What can you teach your children about mindfulness this week?

On life's journey faith is nourishment, virtuous deeds are a shelter, wisdom is the light by day and right mindfulness is the protection by night. If a man lives a pure life, nothing can destroy him. -- Buddha

Friday, April 07, 2006



Traffic Snarls/Unexpected Gift

After dropping my daughter off at school I was on autopilot as I exited the freeway heading back home. On the way to my daughter's school I noticed the traffic jam on the opposite side of the street and I made a mental note to not take my usual route home in order to avoid the repercussions of a morning fender-bender. But my mental note must have fluttered out the open window like a loose post-it since I found myself, too late, taking my usual exit thus depositing myself directly into the traffic jam I wanted to avoid.

Isn't it amazing, and a bit disconcerting, how much we rely on habits and other unconscious acts to get us through the day? As I sat in the traffic I wondered about where my mind was after only a few minutes after pulling a way from the curb of my daughter's school. I felt irritated with myself for my inattention. My mind started ticking off the things I had to do today and how sitting in this traffic mess was not penciled into my Day Planner. My shoulders began to tense as I visualized my morning in a stepped-up hyperspeed to make up for the lost time. I shot a glance down to the needle of my gas gauge; it looked about a centimeter from signaling the orange light to turn on, confirming that, yes, I should have listened to that little voice last night and stopped to fill the tank on the way home. The traffic began to inch forward at roughly the same speed as Tartlin, our desert tortoise. I realized it was going to be at least 20 minutes before I arrived at the first of the two stoplights ahead.

With mounting worry and frustration, I noticed the entrance to one of the city's parks about a half a block on the right. I have zoomed past this entrance for years but I had not turned into that particular entrance since my daughter was a pre-schooler. The flow of traffic shifted into a high first gear and within a few moments I steered my car through the beckoning entrance, framed by towering oaks.

Once off the congested road, I felt my body relax. I took in the sights of the park--I crossed a bridge over the San Antonio River where geese and ducks languidly floated and dove for food. Young children played on the shady playground while moms talked at the picnic tables. I had entered into an oasis, a shangri-la, as compared to the traffic mess on the other side of the bridge. I recalled bringing my daughter to this very place ten years ago to feed the ducks. The setting was so peaceful and welcoming and the memories so inviting that I parked my car and stepped out into the warm morning to watch the geese and listen to the cardinals and robins sing in the trees. I spent a few moments in silent meditation and gratitude for the opportunity to experience the serene and calming environment and reconnect with pleasant memories. When I returned to my car, refreshed and calm, I continued my meandering drive through the park and on toward home.

What an unexpected gift! Had I remembered to heed my mental note I would have been pleased to be on course, charging through my morning. I certainly would have felt a sense of accomplishment as I ticked off the meetings and appointments scheduled into my organizer. Later in the day I probably would not recall the traffic snarl on the way to the drop off that morning. What I received instead was an opportunity to turn lemons into lemonade and revel in the beauty of the morning.

As a life coach I encourage my clients to dance in the moment and embrace new opportunities for what they might afford. This afternoon as I write this, I remember the traffic and how that event caused me to veer off my regular path to open my mind and body up to a new experience this morning. In my mind's eye I see the white geese with their orange webbed feet waddling contentedly along the bank of the river. I see a little boy climbing up a slide with proud determination on his face. I see a young mother pushing her baby in a stroller in the early morning sunshine. I see butterflies flitting among the bushes along the shady banks. I see my daughter as a small child, giggling as the ducks gathered around her, gently honking for bits of torn bread. I smile in memory of the unexpected beauty I would not have seen had it not been for a morning fender-bender.

Thought for the Day: What recent snarls have lead you to an unexpected place of beauty or opportunity? How can you dance in the moment and embrace unexpected gifts this week?

"I have just dropped into the very place I have been seeking, but in everything it exceeds all my dreams." --Isabella Bird